Love Is In The Air

I cannot fully recall how focused I was in finding a true sense of being loved. I’m not saying all of this because I’m in a relationship now or I’m thrown through every facet of love, confessing it to the world. Yesterday was Valentine’s day and beyond any notion I once held, I found myself drawn to the holiday that I once fought against.

It wasn’t for any particular reason really. I was not consumed by consumerism and that I “had” to get my girlfriend a gift-she isn’t even like that. I just was caught in the sense of what it means to truly spend time with someone.

After work, we hung out by getting something to eat, nothing extremely fancy and not even what people consider an “epic” date. It was more so, just peaceful. Time ceased to exist and for the most part, it was as we joke about, it felt like a scene from a movie.

I feel like we have lost the sense of what love or caring for someone actually means. We are quick to ask the questions, what will I gain from this, as if thr other person owes us. I spend my days fighting my anxiety when the questions arise, will I hurt her? But this is the biggest problem we face, we don’t know the outcome of any relationship or even in a broader spectrum, event.

We can spend years trying to figure out what “works” in marriages or for couples but everyone is different. Love cannot be measured or described to its entirety by human minds for we can only grab a glimpse of what love actually is. I can say that love has always been seen and defined by God, but to truly grasp that, one has to come to the revelation of Him.

I have spent a good portion of my life beating myself up about love, intimacy, caring, and etc. I sacrificed a lot but ultimately I saw that I was selfish. When it came down actually meeting someone I trusted and understood me to the minimalist of details, I truly opened up. This is where I am now, just another human being trying to act tough, be independent and unique when I am better off being weak in the sense that I am strong doing so, by showing emotions, by coming together not only with someone I care about but others, that in my uniqueness I can help others. To love and be loved is the greatest gift you can ever experience.

Don’t let a day or occasion define a moment or experience, don’t let commitments be drawn only by promises of a dated time. Love entirely or do not love at all. To love is not just what we have defined-infatuation, lust, sex-it transcends much more than this. Love by forgiving, love by changing, love by sacrificing, love by not only loving yourself but loving others as you would like to be loved, truly love and care.

I may sound like a broken record at times but I have learned in the few years I have on this planet, that love supersedes any amount of knowledge or wisdom I have gained. Gee_ology signing out.

Each Breath

You never truly notice each breath you take. Now sure, you reading this, start to count and observe each passing breath. The air that fills your lungs or escapes your body continues without your full attention.

Let’s step back for a moment and begin to see the intricacy of life. Without all the weighted perception or distractions thrown at us, we see the complexity. With all of this said, life shows us that even without our full focus, it continues.

I’ve tried to mask my feelings before in a variety of ways, work, art, and etc. Amidst the turmoil I would either ignore, push to the side, or try to disregard, until I was ready to face them, life would continue. This whole realization that each passing breath was more than my body functioning as intended, I saw it as the reality, we are truly alive.

It shouldn’t come as a shock, we are born, do this or that, you can insert a blank, life doesn’t stop because someone dies. Each breath reveals the struggles we’ve overcome, the happiness we have felt, and etc. We are in fact surviving and growing.

If I told you I could remember the details of every find memory to the minimalist of details, you would think I’m crazy. I know some people who quickly respond, “Lucius, don’t waste your breath.”. I tend to try to use as much of the life I’ve been given to help reshape the world. Even recording an episode from the podcast, talking about peace, I would breath knowing I am here, now, alive, so why not use the best of my time.

We truly don’t know when it’s going to be the last breath we take. We don’t know the last breath before a big switch will happen in our lives. All we know is that people who learn to control their breathing, find that they could push through further. Now I’m writing all of this using parables. First thing a boxer, runner, and etc learn is to control your breathing, if not, you will tire easily. This can be seen with everything about life. Life is not measured by how much it “throws” at you but your perception to it based on the truth seen or tested and guess what, within all of that, we are ourselves are tested.

We are told that life is like running a race. What is causing you to be out of breath, what causes difficulty to breathe, what can be drawn from the air around us? Learn to breathe and with every breath you take, know it is a gift. Remember, breathe, everything will be ok. God is the life giver and he allows us to breathe. Take in every breath and keep going.

Renewed

I got tired of lavish dreams. I’m now living within lucid fabrics of reality. Forget me for who I was and let me rest in pieces. Broken soul restored by the God who is mocked by Heathens. I yell out to the world, revealing the proof beyond reason. Heaven can be a mile away. But on this day I reach its gates. My girl supporting my vision I envision. Though at times I can seem twisted, trapped in the prison. Mental captivity described in similes. An Anomaly orally giving remedies.

Unplugged

Just imagine for a brief moment all of the internet just shut down. Society, though not overtaken to a y2k scenario, has reverted back to the years where we no longer could ever foresee.

I was talking to my girl about how society has become so wrapped up into technology. We laughed for a couple of moments about how, where I work, they use a computer system that seems to still be from the 80s. The realization struck me a couple days later, today, we are so dependent on technology.

I remember when I was a kid how our technology was just our radios, television, and I wasn’t really aware of a computer until I was like 9 years old. Even with that, I wasn’t as “sucked” in as I see people today. My niece could pick up a phone and scroll through YouTube, even Netflix, with ease, and she is not even fully 2 years old. I see kids everywhere now engaged, as well as adults. The digital age has truly taken over.

Granted, apart from the realization of how dependent we have all become, I find we need time to stretch not only our bodies but our mind. What was truly the last phone number we ever memorized? What information could we truly explain without having to pull out our phones and type, looking for answers on Google?

You would think someone who now focuses on using these mediums, not to tell you to have time to pull the plug for a few moments. But I’ve seen the damage it is doing to us as people.

I’ve spoken about it before, my distaste of being fully engulfed by social media, but not just that, it is anything really. Instead of finding balance we allow something to control us or become an idol. This isn’t necessarily to help you see the reality we are in but to help you find a peace of mind.

We get bombarded in a daily basis and let it cause us stress. We believe that being connected all the time or even focused on a specific thing will cause us peace. Let us take the time and see what we are truly plugged into and disconnect at times to help us focus.

Unexpected Twist

I feel like God likes throwing us curve balls. We think we can calculate every aspect of our day to fit into our schedules. We hang them on the walls, create notifications and alarms when it arrives, yet we don’t notice were slaves to time.

It isn’t even just about time, we want things to work in our favor and the reality is, we don’t have control. I’ve to conclusion that as much as we try to live, we will fail every time, it isn’t about trying, but doing. Cue the star wars memes of Yoda training Luke. I even remember quoting the green master Jedi in one of my posts last year.

My life isn’t complicated, a lot of people see that I’m busy but I’ve grown so accustomed to my lifestyle that I still feel like I’m not doing anything. I practice what few know as polyphasic sleep: sleeping in intervals instead of a long regulated sleep. Typically it ranges from 4-6 hours. Add this to my intermittent fasting and you will get a clear picture why my friends believe I’m a vampire or Android.

From the moment my alarm goes off, my day is planned to the very last second, now, I still get distracted but not to the point that I lose time I use for my main tasks. Even my life was planned before.

Here comes the curve ball.

I’ve been talking to and dating someone. I never thought it would be possible. I actually wasn’t really looking for anything, no relationship. I can be honest and say that I wasn’t rushed with butterflies in my stomach either. We are just two grown adults who became friends and got to know one another closely. Before anyone thinks it was intimate, sexual, no. It was actually as you see in those Pinterest quotes, “dive deep into my mind and get to know me”, type of close. I remember telling my friends and family I was content being single and that I would probably stay like this, if God wills it. Then came the curve ball.

Jump into another strike, I am seeing my life come into clearer picture. My recent vacation has opened my horizon to push through all the obstacles.

An even crazier curve ball, my return to social media met with someone hacking my Facebook. With it being shut down for the moment, it showed me how much time I actually have spent and am using now. I don’t control time and even though I make choices, life is not guaranteed. Always make the best use of time. Gee_ology signing out, be blessed.

Breathing Easy

My vacation is almost over!

I’ve had a lot of fun and a lot of time to breathe. I’ve been seriously contemplating the next steps to take in life.

I got to visit family in New jersey and New York City. Though it’s been roughly 18 years since I visited up north, I felt such comfort. It was bizarre. My mind would go through memory lane and I could feel what I’ve been feeling these past few years in Florida, out of place, but out there, a sense of being.

Now, I love all the experiences I’ve encountered in Florida, the good and the bad. But I know that I won’t be here forever in the sunshine state. I’m currently running a podcast and I know God is using me to continue within that ministry. I also had a sense of relief when I saw the streets of Orlando, outside the window of the plane.

I’ve gotten used to the space in Florida. The northern States seemed crammed. I loved the feeling and atmosphere of the people though. I could actually talk at my regular speed without having someone tell me to slow down. I believe Florida just makes people more passive or relaxed, something I’m trying to avoid.

With all of this being said, I caught a glimpse of my life as a traveling writer. The results of it all is, I LOVED IT! I have never felt so free before in a long time. Of course, I feel that way while preaching or talking about my research but this time it felt different. I was constantly being inspired. The whole scenery of the hustle and bustle were moments to grasp character traits, qualities, environment and etc. When I first stepped home, here, I had to write in my journal. I found myself recording my spoken words and researching intensely.

What this whole experience has shown me is that, life truly is more than the stress we allow to invade. Life isn’t guaranteed but it is meant to be lived.

Struggling Mind

Let’s take time to acknowledge the fact that mental disorders aren’t a new trend. I hear the terms being thrown as if it was a joke, like “omg, I’m so bipolar…I’m depressed…”. There are moments we can joke about some things but do not diminish or forget how serious it can be.

Being someone who fights depression and anxiety daily, it isn’t a walk in the park. You don’t just walk outside and say, “I won’t be depressed today..”. People are suicidal, schizophrenic, mpd, ptsd, etc. As much as we help those who go through physical illnesses we also need to support those with mental ones. I remember hearing a quote that I can’t recall who said it, “If your mind is not whole, your body can suffer.”. There can be those who struggle with these things without anyone noticing. It is ok to speak to someone about it, you’re not alone.

I can be vocal about it because though I endure it, I am not them (my disorder, depression, etc), it does not ultimately define me. We can get mad at certain things or people, but what we can do is help them get the help they need. It is not a weakness if you need to see someone about what you have or take something for it. We’re human and even if, for example, myself, being a Christian, we act like we can reach perfection. No, we will fail and go through things, A.W. Tozer was an influential preacher who suffered from severe depression. It is true we find comfort and peace in God, as humans though we will still struggle with our daily lives and state we’re in.

You are all beautiful and strong, keep hanging on brothers and sisters, do not be afraid.