Loving love

Times are certainly changing. Looking back at these last few days, I’ve seen such an array of emotions and thoughts swirling in this head of mine. I’ve come to truly ask myself the fundamental questions of what makes life.

Now, some can be “smart” with me and just say that life is made by 2 people. Bare with me on this statement in regards to life.

I touched on the subject of time before, it is easy to see and measure it but in reality, lose it as a whole. We focus too much on the quantity and not the quality, so in turn, we waste it away.

Now, in addition to time, I have found that something that life truly helps bring to the table is love. Love. The word sends butterflies to our stomachs. We begin to think of our significant other, our crushes, memories, and etc. Truly, love is both misunderstood and easy to comprehend.

Love is patient and kind…

We have all read the passage or touched these words as quotes recited to someone. It took me quite some time to learn the difference between infatuation and love. What I’m speaking about is not making love nor falling “in love” but true love.

Is there such a thing as true love? Yes, there is.

I can attest or bring to light the retelling of God, showing he is love or even the sacrifices made. In this case, to better direct my audience as I’ve had before, I will speak about in regards to life as we understand it now.

Love is essential, in fact, love is one of the prime reasons for life. We can look at the stories of how the protagonist would say that without love, life is meaningless. Love has been embedded within us and not just in the sense of romantic love but also intimate relationships with others.

Love is not a bunch of words or feelings, ultimately it is a choice. It is going against all odds and to be willing to endure with another. We all are different in our own unique ways. Even with what we see in the news, love helps unite people towards a common cause. Where there is hate, love is needed.

I’ve spent much of my youth hating certain things, even hating myself. I would hate certain people based on situations but ultimately it wasn’t until I learned what love truly was that I learned to not only love myself but others as well. Love is indeed patient, it is not jealous, it does not boast, it truly is unconditional.

When it comes to relationships, be it romantically, love manifests away from the honeymoon stages or the “in love” phase. Truly love reveals itself when you wake up and see the person beside you on that date as a human. We are not perfect yet we can see that amidst the imperfections that person can be perfect for us, in a manner of speaking.

Friends and family come together and reveal true support but it not only reveals care, love, respect, but it holds true when it is truly from the heart.

We begin to love ourselves when we let go, express our emotions and speak our minds. We become confident in who we are. Men see their masculinity and worth, as women see that they as well are important. Each of us responsible for what we call happiness and it is never derived from another human being though feelings may arise from them.

Love is truly a gift. We will never fully understand it but even so, it is an amazing experience. Love and love freely. For without love, life seems to have no meaning but in knowing this, understand that you are all always loved. Be blessed

Reel

Awakened soul disembarked in the rivers flow.

On shores to walk in past missed lakes.

Facing dry times as life blows through.

Future unmasked but kept in the waters view.

Confused by visions unseen yet these are but dreams.

Scenes played out now ending as we see what’s reel.

Look at the Time

We stretch beyond our years or even none at all.

Time has a funny way of inflicted us with its own understanding of life. It may seem as though seconds pass as slow as it can go. While we wait to fidget our fingers awaiting the opportune time to carry on towards our desired outcome. We long for things to arrive when we want it instead of when we need it. The reality is that we don’t know when we’ll need it.

Time is never guaranteed. You will never gain back the seconds you spend. We are told to use our time wisely. How we spend and who reveals our priorities and ultimately what we love.

I was reading the 5 love languages and quality time was considered to be one of the 5. It isn’t a surprise to me, it is a language I believe that everyone is fluent in. We scour the world looking for someone to spend time with.

Now, why do I write about time being such a grand thing? Isn’t time a concept invented by man to keep things in order and controlled?

I like to think of time as a lesson bearer. One that shows us patience and guides us to the life we can have if we learn to value it. Just as wisdom, love, and etc are essential, time as well, allows us to truly live our lives appreciating not only the complexities but the treasure/gift of life.

What I can leave you all with is to take the “time” learn to see its worth and learn from it. You never know what time you truly have.

Ocean of Love

Drown me in the passing waves of your beauty.

Keep me in the flow of your gaze and know my journey leads me to the shores.

What can be said about you my dear?

All can see such an array of exquisite detail.

Yet you have made yourself known to me and keep me in hold.

Speak to me with your silence and let your words keep me at peace.

In you I am sure.

Love abounding and surrounding my journey.

Led by love home.

The waves of your hair felt between.

Interlock and bring me deep into your embrace.

The ocean of your eyes.

Know my heart steers toward your own.

A voyage that is never ending.

Money Everywhere

“For the love of money leads to all kinds of evil….”

So the saying goes or as those who attend a church service, have heard throughout the years.

I’ve spent a good portion of my life fantasizing about winning it big. One day I would wake up and see myself rich. I even pushed myself to the point of exhaustion to try to hold to the idea of having money. Yet even now, I know it all to be just dreams.

Money. The green paper or various colors now lined by digits on screens. I marveled at the ideas presented by others who showed favor in gaining a new status by acquiring such wealth. I envied people at times who had what I felt I could not have. I watched as I clocked in the same hours and pushed myself to work harder only to feel ‘stuck’.

For those that have followed me since the beginning of this blog know I was homeless before. I was a teenager who knew his family was not rich. I was also one who became homeless. This in turn sparked a sense of hard work and a drive to never reach that state ever again. Now here I am.

I am not rich now. I clock in still, working a 9 to 5. Still living pay check to paycheck as some say and unlike those people I feel fortunate, I had to pick up the position of bringing in the “bread” in the household. I laugh when people would tell me that their parents kicked them out or helped them get to college. Though I do keep it to myself. I never had those luxuries. I remember working 60-90 hours and even still trying to help my family get by. Some can say it was not my responsibility. That I sacrificed my schooling, relationships, and etc because of it all. While people would flaunt money or waste it on things they wanted, I struggled to get what we needed. Still fantasizing about one day having enough so that my parents would never have to worry, all bills paid on time, finally go back to school. I remember days having no light or water on in the house. All because money.

I have a love and hate relationship with money.

Even with knowing I am content with or without it now, I know it is needed at the moment in where I live, to properly live. I still dream about one day winning big. Maybe one day a book I write will bring in thousands. Maybe I will one day laugh and look back and act like celebrities who came from nothing as well. But the truth is, I am someone, money doesn’t define me.

I won’t allow myself to forget who I am and what I can do based on what I earn or how I can earn it. I think we forget that it can all pass in a moments notice. To me the greatest of treasures is love, genuine, unconditional love. People. Moments. Talents and gifts bestowed.

Though we continue on in this world and hopefully I could one day say I have no more bills or debt. I know that I work not to rack in the dough but because I care and am willing to provide. I do work smarter not harder but let us take into consideration that times are hard now. In the U.S. the cost of living compared to the wages is almost a joke. People have to almost take on 80 hours a week just to get by today. But just as times get tough we need to remember how to properly use money and not let money use us. We are not born to be slaves to this system. We are not numbers made to clock in and sort balances or create mkre debt. We take hold of our finances and learn to properly manage. Let us do so because money isn’t bad, the love of it just leads us to ruin. That’s just what I believe, Gee_ology signing out.

Holidays

The Holidays.

It isn’t strange to say that we take these moments to create memories that will last forever. There are times when we experience events as well which bring deep sorrows as well. Though we have these days or are spend it close with loved ones, even now.

I have seen that through these days life can feel overwhelming. I have had my ups and downs but through them all the holidays never really brought joy.

I would sit hours looking at the screens on my computer and wondering where my life would be at if different choices were made. Yet where was I going just thinking about such things as my choices? Life seemed like a maze of just awaiting “moments” days we can take off and just rest.

I see the new year coming up and another year passes as I look just to see that I feel like I am awaiting more moments.

We expect the good and always forget the bad until it happens. We look at the bad and forget the good that has happened or will happen. In my case, I see my desire to continue writing and at times beating myself up. Making a resolution to continue writing and let my passion for it burn through any other dream I have.

I feel like we long for moments in our lives. We await the days where we can rest and in turn just come to those times where we can create more moments. Yet life is not made for just waiting or taking holidays.

I’ve learned that life will always be rocky. There will be days where I want to just give up. Days where I wish I was rich. Days where i wish my work was recognized. Yet here I am, still writing years later and remembwring that this is something I enjoy. Life is more than what I can get or a moment made by one day. Life is made of multiple moments made everyday, no one day is special but then again I say that based upon my own opinions.

My life is a holiday and a moment in time I hope many would see and enjoy.

O Thy Self

Why are we our own worst enemies?

I like to think from time to time that I have complete control over my life. One moment (once I wake up and grab my coffee that is) I like to believe that today will be the day I envisioned yesterday. Nevertheless life swings at you like a wrecking ball and crashes what you built up to be some hopes and dreams. The truth is we build ourselves up and make ourselves crash as well.

What exactly am I talking about? Hmm, it may come as a suprise to some (though I’m being sarcastic) that we have control of life.

I know, I know. Just 5 days ago I wrote about choices and that we choose our lives but of course limits are placed but not by what you may believe.

We have heard the stories before or thr sayings, “we are our worst own enemies”, it is 100% true.

We hear that voice on our shoulder or even picture the dialogue between a little devil or angel in our image. One tells you to do this, the other, that. (Insert dialogue here). Yet what we forget at times is that this “voice” we hear, good or bad, is for better or worse, necessary.

The reality is just what I stated, we do have choices. We also know that every choice has a consequence. We can hear our warning signs go off or have the confidence to push forward. The truth is, you can do it. Everything takes practice and you will battle yourself or at times listen to that gut feeling. You know what you need, not a philosopher or even myself. I am only sharing the truth we all struggle to understand.

Living a life knowing we are our worst enemies isn’t necessarily bad. We are also our own best friend. Take time to fully know what you are capable of. Go out. Meet people and etc. Learn who you are. This is something I truly learned and advise to others.

Before you commit to life, relationships, etc, commit to yourself and don’t beat yourself to the point of defeat or self loathing. You are strong and weak. There is a balance that is needed and you need to understand that you will never be all good. If you believe in God, you know that’s impossible, as I do.

Keep fighting and knowing that though life may seem out of control, you can make it out. You won’t be alone, there are others who are fighting as well. For someone who deals with OCD, just know, the fight never ends but that does not mean we surrender.

Keep going and be blessed.

The Choice is Yours.

Swinging on by!

Hello again, it’s me, Gee_ology. To everyone’s surprise I am still alive, hahaha.

Now, apart from the jokes, let me properly introduce and welcome you the reader. It may come as a surprise still that I have written after about 10 days of nothing. Let me just state that I’ve been busy transitioning to a new job.

Yes, yes, drum roll, applause!

I’m no longer a manager and to make things even more interesting, I’m no longer in retail! You could see why I’ve been in and out, well not really.

My schedule has been weird, Monday-Friday is my regular schedule for now while I’m in training, your usual morning shift of course but with a twist of 8 to 4:30. I have been having to wake up at 6:30 every morning which has me fighting my alarm and exhaustion.

For those who may not know, I’m a night owl. Paint me like an owl and that is me. I prefer the night. I prefer working while everyone is sleeping. This is just me of course but I’ve been trying to adjust gradually. All this being said, I’ve seen how amazing it is seeing how so much can change by a choice or simple risk.

Let’s be honest now, I never thought I would be doing what I do now, working as a Fraud agent. I swore I could have been stuck in retail and never get out. Yet, look at me now. This is the thing, don’t be afraid of change.

There is an opportunity awaiting everyone and we just have to be brave enough to pursue it. Same as when you meet someone. Love either helps make you or it breaks you. You decide if you want to invest and be a part with someone elses story in life.

2018 has been truly life changing for me. I’ve had my ups and downs but besides all of that, I’ve also been at ease with a lot of things. I can see where I would like my life to truly be led or where I see myself walking to.

Before I used to want everything planned out but the reality is is that we don’t or can’t control everything. Any choice we make can change the very way we will perceive something and will shape us. We can even say, “Prepare the famous quotes”, but the truth is, choices are what define and shape us.

I can just as easily have denied or not even approach a scenario presented and my life would be different. I could have just placed my girlfriend as a friend and then missed the chance to see such an amazing, beautiful woman.

I don’t regret the choices I’ve made and though I wish someone could have been better, I know that every choice brought me here. I may have said all of this in the past but it is a good reminder. I also write this to encourage people to realize that it is your choice to live the life you live. You’re not obligated to work that 9-5.

Now i could also state that we must br mindful and logical, take the necessary steps to see every choice and from it, let it help you come closer to who you truly are and who you can/will be. Be blessed all.

Time’s Changing

It’s December.

We can all hear the sleigh bells jingling and see the decorations all around the city, the malls, the houses, even your own.

One thing I can see clearly is how much this year has brought about changes that I never could fully imagine.

I remember around this time last year how I was in a dark place. You could say that I already knew who I was and I would place my spoken word out to the interwebs. Yet I also felt alone. I was in a job that I was not too fond of and I continued to limit who I was as a person, still. I am big in placing words on the screen so that I could force myself to act upon them but I would stay motionless. Cross over to the following year, 2018, and here I am now, a year later.

I managed to see my hometown and the family that I grew up with this year. I fell in love, not like the love that I would preach about before but honest, true unconditional love. I never planned for anything that I now see has happened. Now sure, I could say that I decided upon the key factors but what I mean is that I never foresaw my life 5 years ago to what it is now.

I hear the question, “What do you see yourself doing in the next 5 years?”, the reality is when I hear this question now, I am honest in answering. I don’t know the future. I may plan for something but the reality is that I just look at what is in front of me, today. I know what it is like, hoping, stressing about tomorrow, and the reality is is that it is not worth it. I am certain of what I need and also what I would want but ultimately I cannot allow myself to daydream on what I could be doing.

Life is never truly guaranteed.

I will live on and continue to do what I love, with the woman I love, as long as she will have me because I appreciate and would walk by her side in this journey of life.

I may not write as much as I would like to on this blog but that is because how busy I was before. I am now seeing the change that time brings and the reality is that life is not easy and will never be easy. I will grow and change from time and time again. I am now venturing to a new job, new year, and I know that as a writer and a person who tries to motivate others, hopefully, help bring words that truly encourage you the reader.

Don’t become afraid of the uncertainty or dread tomorrow. Live not dreaming of what could have been or even let yourself be drawn to the past. Learn and grow and see how the time’s changing.

Surviving Happiness

We no longer know what happiness is.

I am right now laying on my bed and wondering what it means to be happy. I remember when it was 2 years ago and I wrote an article about how happiness is a state of mind. Yet to answer the question or even if I was to ask someone, why are you not happy, it would be difficult to answer.

I’ve been in the shoes where you feel as if life is filled with misery and sadness. The reality is that most of the times it just feels like there is a lot to take in. We spend our lives doing so much or feel like we are not doing enough. The world continues to plague us with either version and we let it affect it and blindly follow the lies with things that would try to fill the void. Some try to find it by building a connection to another person who is just the same as we are, others try to fill it with a sense of purpose and so they seek religion, a hobby, a sport, and etc. All throughout life, we try to interpret what it means to be happy and once we have a grasp of it and allow it to fill us when we return to the state from which we arrived in, we begin to look again. Some can say that they hold strongly to some sense of it and never let go, others spend their lives “fighting their demons”.

I have recently found myself in a constant state of uneasiness. It is not that I am not happy, it is more so, I am awaiting the wrecking ball that usually plagues my life, when will the happiness end.

I’m tired.

I have seen my life gone through its own version of hell from left to right without it ever ceasing and yet I continue to push through. There are days where I see my life continue in autopilot and yet I remain, smiling and acting like all is fine in the world. We try to cover up the fact at times that we are all just trying to survive and make it through at least one more day. We are never truly honest with others and those closest to us we merely share that we are “good”. Why are we so distant to one another when yet life is so short?

I cannot account for others but I do know that my life continues and no matter what thoughts may flourish, I try to hold on to what I have before me. I can spend my time worrying but to what avail. Happiness is a never-ending pursuit and the reality is that I no longer wish to just be happy.

I want to to be sad. I want to be mad. I want to rejoice. I want to be surprised. I want it all because the reality and in my complete honesty, it is what makes me who I am today, I am human.

Happiness is a drug that we become addicted to and through the optimism, we forgot everything else that allows us to share in the suffering with others, be empathetic, and etc so we could come together and understand one another.

I am willing to endure any pain. I am willing to endure life. It may get hard and there are times where I want to give up even but I know that there is much to live for still. There is much to love and even there is a time to be in love, even just that is worth fighting for. I am here, now, and though I may disappear or pass tomorrow. Today was worth fighting for and that is what makes me happy, I made it through today.