The eternal promise spoken in just three words that reveal a bond stronger than anything known to man. Words that hold significant weight to them that action is produced. A sacrifice and choice that will forever change a person.
Something clicked inside of me that I tried to keep hidden today. I was literally standing amidst people who were celebrating the union of two people in love-one of my friends wedding. I was standing there hearing stories of my friends and their kids, their lives, their relationships. One of my friends turned to me and told me, when is it going to be your turn. Flashback of what another friend asked me two days ago, why don’t I have kids already, or even what my family asks of me.
The reality once again came back to me of my life. It comes to no surprise that I can say not to rush into anything, to value your time, build yourself and grow, first. But as well, I noticed something crucial, time does fly.
All I could hear is my friends repeating how they remembwr when they first met, how long they were together, hearing how the people met the bride and groom and it made me think about life. I remember looking back at my life in various occasions and asking myself, will I find someone? I always felt a sense to rush into things and yet it always cost me, even in my last ventures, not rushing, it hurt when things didn’t even proceed and ended. I would look at myself and ask the question we all ask when we’re single, “what is wrong with me?”.
I’m not the easier person to deal with and by all means I understand I had to grow in a lot of things. I am grateful for every person that I managed to truly love in an intimate way. In allowing God to fully reveal what and who is Love, primarily, Himself, I have become more humble. Yet, the question arises at time, like a riddle, am I meant to be alone? I think all of is ask ourselves this and it isn’t a bad thing to desire a companion. While the world proclaims it is better now not to fully commit. But I am not of the world.
I have debated for years to determine if I should commit to being celibate, accept my singleness and focus entirely on God. It can seem a bit strange to some, I know but as I mature in life, the world is truly changing. I have yet to find a woman who has the similar convictions that I do or if she does in a majority, she does not hold to the single, most important aspect, which is the faith, God. It’s weird now, I guess it is seen as just unattractive to be so committed in God. Even so, when I discuss my views on the current culture, I’m now seen as if I am an outcast and many ask what is wrong with me. Even when I discuss that when I love, I love for life. It seems like a curse and to others a sick joke.
It brings me to reminisce on what caused others in the past to say, I love you, what caused me to say it. To be completely honest, it was only 2 years ago that I actually truly fell in love for the first time. Well, not fall, but grow in love or build in love. Even with that ending and my continuation into another relationship, I am left now here, perplexed. I understand all that love is intended to be and who I am now, yet something doesn’t seem right, did I forget something or what?
What seemed like an eternal promise when spoken in the past now holds as memories of long ago. I love you. I will never love another as much as I love you. These words that mean nothing without action and even so requires two people to implement them. Was it not love then if it failed so tragically? Can it be restored? Is a broken heart really broken or is a heart that is given be recovered?
All I can come up with is God reciting to me His love and grace. Allowing me to rejoice doing His will. I can only be certain that no matter what my future holds, if I was meant to walk beside someone, that I will be the best I can be, I will not try, I’m tired of trying, I will do. No matter what comes my way or the obstacles, love does overcome. If I do not love ever again another person than may my love be that of Christ’s and openly help others unconditionally. So all I can leave you all with today is my thoughts. These words that are shared effortlessly today or with no meaning, do in fact hold meaning and should be appreciated, each of is requires a Love that restores and fills and if not in another than in ourselves and especially with God. Be blessed all.