You wake and notice you are not where you want to be. You still find yourself thinking about distant memories that you thought you were over with. So much is running through your head and you have no where to go. You put on your head phones, crank the radio or take a drive, start drinking, etc. This is the beginning of what you would consider a “bad” day. You start over thinking and start noticing all your problems so you start thinking you want to give up. This is what is like dealing with anxiety and depression.
You would think that someone who loves deeply, follows God with his whole self that such thoughts wouldn’t intrude, but we are not perfect. I have thoughts randomly, I continuously need reassurance, and it’s not because I’m a cancer, I don’t abide to horoscopes. There will be dark times but that’s why we need to notice we can’t do things on our at times.
We always try to do things on our own. We sometimes allow ourselves to drown by the chains we are held down by. The chains made by our thoughts, past we hold on to, anxieties, insecurities, and etc. But what I’ve found is that we sometimes need to be heard, hugged, even at times just to let go and be free. More importantly I’ve found that we need God.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
No matter my imperfections, mistakes I’ve made, how long I contemplate or even the amount of weights. He replaces it love and breaks free the chains, relieves the pain. No matter how deep the ocean, with faith we are walking upon the waters. The darker it seems to get, the more I can see the light, the stars and the space before me is nothing to me. It is not even about “feeling good”, you truly become restored, your state of mind and in turn your life changes when you allow him to take control. In all honesty you are not always going to be happy. Living the Christian life isn’t easy, in fact it is hard. You are tempted at every corner and those in your past will question why you no longer partake in all your old ways(1 pet. 4:4).
In a culture and world that is so egocentric, we boast on our accomplishes, focus simply on ourselves or what we have gained and lose the sense of being a party of a community or body. You can say it is all about “me”. We reveal our highlights on Facebook or snap it and lose the value of a moment by a snap. When we allow our emotions to be known we are seen as trying to want attention when simply we need counsel and don’t want to feel alone. Yet through it all I’ve learned the greatest of commandments, to love God and your neighbor. Within these two, I’ve found a sense of peace.
When I am troubled or can’t sleep I reflect on everything I’ve been through and the people who helped me get here, even if they just influenced me. My boasting is not of my own but to God, for his mercy and grace has allowed me to grow. Its amazing to know you are loved, unconditionally, wholeheartedly, and that you are truly not alone. It’s ok and it will all be okay, even if you don’t believe in god, know that there are others willing to help you, life isn’t easy, things happen that are not in your control, but you don’t have to walk alone.