Now or Never

​I lie here on my bed, writing to you, the reader. I seem to have reached a moment of realization as of late. A part of me claims to reach a crossroad while the latter, the moment where I seem “stuck”, between the choices before me. It’s been pretty rough actually, so many things being presented to me in an instant and with the way God is changing me, my views on a lot of things have changed. 

I always had the mentality since the days I lived in the streets, was homeless, for a season, to give it my all and never look back. My ex, used to see I was always 0 to 100% in an instant while my friends would say I am passionate and don’t believe in “no” as an answer. Now with that being said, during middle school I wanted to be a pilot, in high school during my junior year I seapped my dreams and decided to pursue animation. I mean I love to draw and was always captivated by anime, effects, illustrations, storyboard, concept art.  Then once I graduated I was led to pursue digital design and it was more so to carry the legacy of my grandfather, he had his own company and studio. That was my dream, to have my own company, studio, and in turn clothing line and get “paid”. I followed in the pursuits that many are drawn to, get a good job and make bank, get the green and in turn I’ll be happy, or so I thought.

What I have always seen since my days of being homeless is this, money means nothing. I have learned to be grateful of what I have and never truly want something. If in turn I wanted something I would always save and work for it, yet I began to sacrifice my needs or desires to help my family. Now here I am at 25 years old. I have sacrificed building my “empire” to support my family and I have loved and lost. I work and I make decent money, but to me money isn’t anything really important just a means to an end to “survive” in the country, pay bills. I keep hearing people say I am passing away my gifts and I should be making money or I see my friends killing themselves to then get a degree and then work 9 to 5, complain and then drown their sorrows or want to fill something they claim is missing and drink, smoke, etc. I see people constantly look for “something more” yet I no longer feel any of it. I am generally content you could say. 

I’m not going to lie and say I am happy. I lost a woman I am completely in love with, my first love and though I was all for helping out and providing, she wasn’t interested til we would marry. Yet I knew in my heart I wanted to spend the redt of my life with her.  Even with the differences of beliefs, the struggles we might face, I was willing to go through it all. Even now, I know I was immature in some parts, but I also know that my love wasn’t just feelings, even now looking at it all, even with months that have passed by. Now here in the present, I see my life and it is given completely to God. Even though it has been because of my recent singleness, God has been good, giving me strength and in turn a purpose I thought was forgotten. 

From the day I was born I was told I was going to preach his word, be a pastor. The firat time I became a Christian, God told me the same thing, that I was going to be a light to his peopld, reflecting his love, love and speaking truth. But the. I started loving money and wanted to boast in my accomplishments. That was when I wanted to be a designer. Yet it was always there, I would write articles or preach to people, teach. Time passed and then it would come and go, the “calling”. And here I am now, a life completely surrendered to God. And here I am with the decisions to make, would I be smart enough to actually listen? God tells me not to worry, though I do, like how will I pay school, bills, even house or provide. Yet he tells me if he cares even for the birds why not his son, to pursue my calling. I love to write and in turn I see myself including that as well, a Christian writer or as well getting into biblical studies. But my notions have me bombarding God’s, my flesh and people saying that following that path, preaching or teaching the word, being a writer doesn’t pay and doing it both as a christian writer? Definetely not. Plus the constant pull my heart makes towards the girl I love and yet can’t be with.

It’s truly hard. I can so easily get into the ways of the world but my focus has shifted to God, to the eternal, to the kingdom, to people, to truth. Yet I continue in the race, even with the constant temptations that come about in this world. I don’t drink heavily anymore in the sense that I don’t get drunk, I may drink a couple beers or wine but that’s it. I don’t smoke the mj anymore. It is to allow self control and it is because of the Holy Spirit that this has happened, even the constant need or desire for sex. The struggles with porn. People think the Christian life is easy, it is not. I am a human being. But I don’t think I’m religious, i simply follow the commandments my God instructed to show love and obedience. It is a renewing of my mind and heart and in turn, I turn away from the world. This isn’t to show or reveal something, this is to show, I am human, I don’t have a degree in writing, I’m not a great speaker, nor am I rich, I am but a man, still with no college degree, working everyday. But I know or understand now, I don’t need to be rich, I don’t ultimately need someone or something to find joy, God is enough. Even with all that being said, because of the way this world is and knowing myself, I would love to find my wife and be as one, I would like to be equipped to the finished work God will do in me to reflect Christ. That’s all I can say, God do your will and use me as your please, it’s now or never.

Lost in Space

21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 claiming to be wise, they became fools, (Romans 1:21-22)

Since the fall of Adam sin has been a problem. For generations man has stumbled upon the ideals and justification of what is “right” or “good”. We have assembled what we call or deem acceptable based on past experiences or “rights”. Yet the issue at hand is not necessarily knowing what is considered to be right but in the nature our hearts seem to take and in turn, rebel against God. 

In the book of Romans, we see Paul address why God left man to revel in their ways, verse 28 of the first chapter states, “and since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.”. Since the beginning when Eve was tricked by the serpent and Adam enticed by the woman we see that we are easily pulled to think of ourselves or want a desire to be as God. For some can debate we were made in his image, to love, create, and etc. Yet within our discoveries of self we easily replace our primary focus or center and sway away to whatever is apart from truth and trade it for a lie. Some can state sin as being, anything that is against God, others have said sin is, anything that is apart from God, while some say that it is that which does not glorify or bring worship to God. Because of this, we are dead in our ways, lost in space, still claiming to build that tower of babel and reach to the heavens, with our own understanding, egos, pleasure, and ultimately being mastered by different forms of idolatry. 

The grave reality upon any matter or view of the subject at hand is that, no one is “good”. Apart from God, no one is righteous. “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.”. Yet it is through faith in Jesus Christ for those that believe that we are made righteous (Romans 3:21-32). We are lost and helpless without God. Was it not God who sent the son for all who needed him, that though he leaves us to do what we desire he still loves us with so much grace that he allows a chance to be saved. Yet it is truly remarkable, that though God rich in mercy, took on the charge of my sin, our sin, placed it as his own and died, raised to show power of death, over sin, to bring freedom for those who believe. We don’t recognize the magnitude of this in its entirety, we are as a grain of sand, a small rock floating around an expanding universe and yet the God who made all, came to rescue us within our darkness, he allows us to have light. 

Yet through it all, it isn’t hard to find God. “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” (jeremiah 29:13). He hasn’t gone any where and he is always looking for those who look for him. God knows all our needs, he longs to be close to us. For though he does not need us, he wants us. When I say or have stated that we are lost is because we are trying to find our way through this life, filled by a void only God can fill. Lost in space, a space that is created because we have departed from God, turning to our own ways or indulging in our foolish ways, wickedness. But God tells us to turn to him, believe in Jesus, die to our old ways, and live in obedience to him, reflecting the light and image of Christ. Be blessed brothers. 

Single Moments

You look up, in that instant you see someone you never thought you will see. You are held in awe, your heart beats and without you realizing it, you are ensnared by their beauty. You begin to see them differently. Your mindset changes and you feel something you thought was only in the movies. That single moment, it changes everything.

Everyone remembers their first true love, take it from someone who knows it well. Even amongst the days and months that pile up with the passing of time I can describe the first time I saw her. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t like the movies, love at first sight. It was actually years ago I first saw her and years later my whole perception changed. From talks to one day, I looked up and noticed I wanted this person in my life, in my future. Now those reading are wondering if this is me confessing I’m still in love with my first love, no, this isn’t even really a love article necessarily but now that I have your attention I can begin. 

One moment, one day, it changes everything. There is always something pivotal or reaching its climax that gets you to suddenly shift or change. In my life it was meeting my recent ex (my first true love) and then the moment our relationship ended. Even though I may still hold to the love, I understand why certain things didnt work out. Looking back at it all and how much I’ve grown and even gotten closer to God it was a huge impact on my life, it was in those single moments. But also in turn it was at the “single” moment. The moment I was on my own that I began to change, to find myself or know exactly what I would want.

Most people don’t look at moments at times as memories being made, life changing experiences, lessons. We seem to continue in life in a constant cycle, we get up, get ready and then “live” yet feel as though we are at an end. Yet it is when we truly see there is more to life that we stop and think, “I can’t do this, it’s time to change.”. Or even looking at the world, your surroundings and wanting to bring change to what is around you. I will say that what I am trying to convey is the notion that, this is your moment. It may come later even but be aware and be present, it is in these single moments that you can find yourself, see your potential, bring change.

The Race for Humanity

Let us run this race, the race that shall leave behind history. From someone who belongs to a Hispanic family I always saw the kind of hate or struggle my parents had to endure because of their background. I also see the hostility and racial tensions going on right now. Though I personally am not black, most of my family are Dominican and darker skinned, heck, my grandfather and uncle are as black as the night. Yet what I am trying to convey is this, we are so quick to talk about these issues and protest yet we are breeding more hate. 

The “white” man is not responsible, we are. We have allowed our culture or society to rebel from love and in turn, turn to hate. We differentiate based on color nowadays. Those claiming they are not racist yet still don’t want to associate with people based on race or beliefs. We have even turned such subjects into jokes. We are conditioned day in and out. Even enticed to act out all for an agenda. Have we forgotten our struggles or even past. Sometimes we forget the African kings sold their own people into slavery. Sometimes we forget we enjoy what one race brings or produces more than our own. 

The truth is, yes slavery has always been wrong amongst people, we were truly created to be as equals yet unique in our own ways, each forming a collective we call humanity. I’m tired of hearing someone can’t hear a type of music cause they are not “black” or even cause they aren’t white. Just stop. All this division is pointless, we should celebrate in our differences and grow as a people. 

My background is rich like I’ve said before. I am dominican, chinese, yet I was born here in the U.S. and though I may appear “white” I am a person. Take away my skin and I have the same biological system as everyone else. I don’t treat myself as superior, why? I’ve learned to love all, to value life. I feel it is ignorance to separate “colors”, it seems the world is always stereotyping though, not acknowledging the beauty it is to be a type of way because of our culture. 
From birth we see it within children we are not born to hate but love. The reality is we are influenced by what we see, hear, and raised. We need to change, all of us. Because in truth we are now all under slavery, slaves to our pride, ignorance, and past mistakes. Let us not forget our history but start a new legacy, led by truth and love. If we continue we will not only be at war with ourselves but ultimately lose sight of what makes us human. Let us all run this race, for life may seem short but we ultimately can decide if we shall change course and head for victory.

The Good Fight

​11But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

Life is hard. Many can come to the conclusion simply because the struggles we endure. In all honesty, I was going to make this more into an encouraging article but in turn the words simply are manifesting as my thoughts or feelings upon the subject. I’ve heard all my life growing up, you make life how ever you envision it, life is a gift, you ultimately determine if it will be “hard”. One thing I can say to this is it’s true, but now living the Christian life, I can tell you it’s a constant battle.

To arm ourselves in and put on the armor of God(Ephesians 6:10-18). There is a war, many people don’t see it, drawn to choices or struggles of living within this world we at times forget we were made to be eternal, this world is temporary. Sure, a non believer, atheist, can say once we die we simply wish to exist. Though that would indeed sound nice, I’ve found there is more to my life, that there is a God and so I come to believe in him. In coming to this belief and servitude, I am placed now in the “good fight”. There’s a war between God and the world, sin, death. Satan being the opposing end, the “god” of this world (2 Corinthians 4:4), leading men in rebellion to God, enticing them to follow in their selfish natures derived from Adam. And so here I am, writing of this fight, not merely in a grand scale but a personal one as well.

During my early church days, I was never really taught that true Christians would struggle, we would be persecuted, mocked, judged, and face temptation on a daily basis that many fall prey to. The reality is, being of the world seems easy. I understand why the road is narrow ( Matthew 7:14). Simply by walking or driving to work I would be bombarded by things I see around, from people feeding their ego, to ways to entice lust, temptations, anger and greed sparked through people, wars between brethren, hate, racism, and etc. I can be honest and say one of my biggest struggles is pride, self control in my urges as well, though my focus is now on God, I do not long for the walk alone and would need an Eve because of that. Yet I was always told to be “positive” not give it to God, to look for him though my life in this world may go through troubles. 

I learned that money really is not my focus, God does provide, but as well still battling with my choices of having a decent paying job. For someone who loves to write, to teach the word of God, it would be easy to succumb to a paying job yet the path God is leading me is to teach and write. Even amongst just the sacrifices I’ve made of stopping college to help my family and now in my mid 20s, life is catching up to me, bills, and then things the world claims I need while basic necessities and still trying to keep my family afloat. My chances at actually finishing school or even finding a job in what I truly love seem slim. Yet here I am, writing every 2 days an article, quotes, poems, songs, teaching his word and though I don’t get paid for it, I feel more fulfilled doing this than going to an actual “job”. I consider this job more important, my calling. 

I stand and contemplate on life as a whole, the songs or things we see and just shake my head, we’ve fallen so far. Not even amongst just saying that we drifted from god though we have, we as people are losing sight of what makes us human, our morals, love, everything is twisted. Yet that’s why I am writing this, to fight the good fight, to not lose hope and in a way also show others you are not alone. We are not called to conform, partake in old ways, but grow. It isn’t easy, there are friends who will invite you to things like clubs, gyms where you will hear the music, situations where you will want to serve yourself, but abide in god, for if we truly love him we will obey his commandments and fight sin. We are not of this world (john 15:19), we cannot serve 2 masters (Matthew 6:24), we either serve God or the world (the lust of the flesh and etc which is under Satan). But in God we find refuge (psalm 91:2) and strength. He has given us power through his name and by the spirit (Mark 16:17-18). In Jesus we have peace though we endure tribulation (john 16:33). Our fight is against sin, the darkness, principalities, lies, defending the truth, sharing the gospel and helping one another but overall love for God and people. Remember though this is a good fight, this is war. Be blessed.

Do We Really Love God?

​Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. (John 14:23)

Before I begin, this topic or article, will cut deep and affect people. Even upon writing these words, I felt convicted and it made me question where I stand. Now, to say the least, do you love God? The non believers, not of the faith may continue to read but more so I felt compelled to write to my brothers and sisters in the faith, the church. The question should spark something within you, most or if not all, would jump and say yes, even among though who don’t attend church regularly. But truly ask yourself the question, do you?

I began with the verse from john to show what is called of us. I can attest by saying Christianity is not a religion in my eyes but more so a relationship. Yet as well we must acknowledge what Jesus commands as obeying the word. Yet we do it out of service and a changed heart not necessarily to be seen as righteous like religious people entail. You are not saved by works but by grace through faith in Jesus (Ephesians 2:8). To have a heart for God we thirst for him, “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.” (Psalm 63:1-2). To love God and our neighbor is our greatest commandments. (Mark 12:29-30).

Now with all of that said, let us now reflect on our lives, how do we live our lives? Do we continue to revel in the things God has saved us from? Of course, I am not telling you how to live your lives but because as scripture says we should live as a child of light since we are of the Lord. (Ephesians 5:8) (1 Thessalonians 5:5). We are called to put on our new “selves” reflecting the light of Christ,  1 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.  5Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity,passion, evil desire, and covetousness,which is idolatry. (Colossians 3:1-5). 

We so easily say we are Christians yet live horrible lives compared to what Christ saved us from. We allow sin to continue to abide with us instead of fleeing from it, entertaining ideas or temptations. Are we not called to do everything for him or in him?  (Colossians 3:17) Yet it is true, we are not perfect, yet with the Holy spirit abiding within us,  we are changed and renewed daily. (Ephesians 4:23). We continue on in foolish things of the world. One of the verses I continually go to in scripture is this, 1 Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh,  arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, 2so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. 3For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. 4With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery, and they malign you; 5but they will give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. 6For this is why the gospel was preached even to those who are dead, that though judged in the flesh the way people are, they might live in the spirit the way God does. (1 Peter 4:1-6)

The question is then asked, out of love to correct my fellow brethren but before hand myself. Something I’ve struggled with a lot but it is because I wanted to serve my ego, but I am of my Father, servant of Christ. The old me is dead and gone and my sins have been covered, in so being the case, my life is not my owns. And may each continue the walk for the way is narrow for those who truly love and follow the Lord. Many shall claim to know him but only he knows in the end those who truly are of him if we follow the will of the Father. (Matthew 7:21-23) I am not perfect nor claim to be, but as well let us with the help of God, work to help each other grow in spirit and truth, with love, correcting and teaching one another. God Bless.

The Bird and The Wolf

She was as a bird, free to go where she wanted but felt caged in by her emotions and her anxiety. He was as a wolf, lone in his adventures, yet needed a pack. One day they met in the wild and behold the stars recount their voyage to find themselves and in turn found each other. Broken pieces through fleeting memories, never to be forgotten. The bird who was free to fly away but landed to find her home to sleep in such embrace. While the wolf jumped and felt the wings he never had, upon dreams feeling like reality to reach the heavens. The bird and the wolf. Such a paradox, yet a tale made to be infinite.