The light from the screen reflects upon my eyes. It’s a good solid 5 minutes before I notice I’m just staring at the screen. I even begin to realize that I no longer spend countless hours playing a game or browsing through social media. I notice that it’s really not even in front of my computer screen, it’s my phone or tablet-okay, we can all agree they are mini computers. Here I am, now finally typing words or should I better state it as tapping words? I’ve noticed as of late everything has changed in my life, some can see it in my writing but better yet, they see it in my life. It wasn’t til recently that I saw this, like I said before, but it has sparked something inside of me.
Now I’ve said it many times, who am I for someone to read my work? I’m 25, haven’t fully attended college, have never taken classes in writing, was never in the school paper, haven’t published a book, and no, none of my family members are writers. I’m just a normal guy, scratch that, I’m completely random but also dedicated, when I set my mind on something it becomes my drive. All of this being the case, I’m now seeing who I truly am, a writer. I’ve written before how we should just write or even how everything I thought I would be doing I never did. Let’s be honest, nothing we plan ever goes the way we want. Things happen in life and everything shifts drastically, while it is true some people still accomplish their “dreams”. It’s all good said and done, but something I’ve questioned is what does one gain through all the sacrifice? We typically lose ourselves in that pursuit. Now don’t get me wrong, some people could start to get ready to throw their shoes but bare with me. What I’m trying to convey is this, we push everything and reach that “top” peak, that the sky isn’t the limit, then we begin to see gravity weigh us down.
I’ve lived my early childhood wishing to be something I am not today. Life hit me very young and though I am goofy, random, and awkward today, I also had to grow up. I was homeless at a time, I managed to finish high school, while my family members didn’t, I was fortunate. Though I didn’t go to some fancy college, I helped my family get their careers, finish school, they became chefs, and even then only my sister continues in that pursuit. Nothing truly works out in our favor it would seem. Life likes throwing curve balls, for example, a track star could one day get into an accident and lose his legs, a painter could become blind, and etc. So then I awoke to a new notion, what is life to chase after such pursuits and for us to forget to live?
All right I’ll ready the target sign so you could throw whatever you want. But read carefully and understand what I’m saying. Life is short, I’m not telling anyone to stop chasing their dreams, nor am I saying it is all meaningless, what I’m saying is don’t just do something or be something simply for you. In the end sure some can say you only have yourself but then with who are you going to share your victories?
I’m very prideful, let me toss that on the table, it can seem I’m humble at times but seriously, it takes a lot for me to be humble, nice or even considerate, though I may have a huge heart. The world made me cold you could say, I didn’t necessarily choose my life and yet I am choosing what I do now with it. For me, I see what I’m capable of, before I wanted to build an empire and yet for what? To gain money, be rich, and never truly want? Then what? There is more to life than that, everyone who has made it can tell you the same thing, a rich man is not one who has everything but has little and can share it with those who are around and in that he is rich.
I’m trying to say this, I know who I am now, I see I’ve been given the curiousity, the ability to convey words to reach people, the imagination to create words and allow my experiences or creativity to manifest through words. Sure, I could draw as well but I’ve found that I am truly me when I write, and in being so, it is to reach people. Books were always my escape or a way to understand the world and I want to do the same to someone else. In so being this reason, this is more so written to try to get one to think of the choices or your pursuits. Is it really just for you or to help others, share your gifts, in love and not just a vain pursuit? Remember you only live once so will you live to exist or begin to live to truly have a life? But also don’t be upset if you don’t “make it”, life is meant to be lived and your greatest blessing might not be your career or even materialistic gain, but family and friends. Take it from someone who loves to write and doesn’t mind if he isn’t getting paid at the moment for it. As long as I can share what I learn and help others grow, that’s the biggest reward, to know my words aren’t just being ignored and may hopefully touch one’s soul.