Hole or whole?

We’ve all heard the story, Zeus separated man into two and so we walk on Earth finding our other half. 

We hear day in and day out how we have to find our missing piece, how we are incomplete or even how we are not “whole”. Day in and day out we are bombarded with stories of romance and how it “should” be. Yet the reality is, it is much more than this and it is a delusion that has plagued us since the days where men such as Plato stated the quote that we are “incomplete”. 

Those that follow my blog, notice that I talked about this briefly during my “list” of how I manage to live a “happy” life. Within this was a topic that I know understand and hold strong to. My views on love and the understanding has dramatically shifted from where I stood 7 months ago. In all honesty if I had this a few years ago, I do truly believe I would be a completely different person. That which I speak about is the idea of soul mates.

I speak about such matters as one who has loved, had his heart broken, and believe it or not loves, still. I have written how I will always be honest to you, the reader. With this being said, understand, I am no saint. Though I am Christian now and hold to the word of God, example of Jesus, and teachings as my guide, I am not perfect nor was I perfect. As all men I struggled with my flesh and nature. I was “that guy”, would flirt, and etc. At a young age I lost my virginity and it never came to mind to be with someone who I would consider my wife. As time progressed I began to see the error in my ways and girls more than just projects but as people. Time would continue and in turn I embraced my romantic side, the “gentleman” took root within me. 

There’s a secret most people don’t know who truly know me, I’m not that guy who they hear about. Most people have heard I moved around a lot, my “body count” was high but the truth is, that’s actually a lie. See the thing is, unlike some people my view on body count resulted in actually getting to know someone, fondling and being a part with them in life. I know, I know, a little farfetched is it not? Yet that’s how I saw it, the reality is I’m tired of people believing something I’m not now. It is true I “moved” around but it was the occasional, flirting, making out and I only did sleep with one girl during high school. After that, if you were to actually ask me now, my body count as in sleeping with someone is actually 3. Shocking? A guy, really? I know, I know, believe it or not. I allowed the rumors and lies to go on by for far too long. Some of you can ask me why is this relevant, but bear with me. I feel it valuable for the reader to get to know the man behind the words. 

You see, in this day and age we are so caught up in stories. “The one” . Our perfect person. Soul mate. Yet as time went on and people saw me cold and distant, talking to so many girls, they assumed, and I let it slide. The truth is, I allowed it to happen, the rumors and lies, and since then it has followed me. Why so long to finally come clean? Simple, I’m tired of people caught up in all the lies and honestly, though I say I don’t care what people say, I let it slide, I’ve always tried to wear a mask. I never allowed people to see the real me, no matter how close they were. How many girlfriends have I had? 4. But it has allowed me to be revealed what love is and through it all my vision of love has shifted to what it is now.

The more I delved into romance and love, the more I began to truly see what it was/is. Like I’ve said, we are so caught up in fairy tales we forget that people are people. We set up these high expectations. I cannot forget how many times I dreamed of finding “the one”. My recent ex I believed to be my soul mate and as you know, those that follow me, I do love her, but as well I know I am moving on in life. I believed God placed her in my life to be my wife. This in itself is also something that will cut you. Don’t ever just say something like that. Any and every relationship takes time, trust, work and ultimately support from one another to see it come into fruition as marriage in the end. 

So where am I getting at with all this? Stop thinking there is a soul mate. There is no such thing as the one. You’ll meet people in life and even maybe build a relationship with and guess what, you may not be ready to commit and it will fail. But one thing I can say is that you already are complete. There isn’t a missing hole, you are whole. No matter how many times I love looking at chick flicks or being that romeo, reading love stories, I know now what true love is. And honestly, I feel better knowing that I could truly see because it was revealed by and through God. 

I cannot tell you how far I fell with the recent breakup. Anxiety attacks and nights where I would wake up in sweats, a deep depression thinking I wasn’t worthy, how so many people see me as the villian. Yet I was not being truthful to myself or even to my partners. I never once revealed who I truly am or how I am to any of them and rarely do my friends see me for me and I apologize for that. I know there are some people who feel like that now. They see their friends getting married or posting pics and they get into their feelings, but guess what? Stop it. It’s just not your time, learn to grow and become a better you, let God shape you to a better person. Learn what love truly is and don’t just fall into a delusion. You don’t need someone to live, the greatest thing someone can say is they want you. It is like me knowing that God doesn’t need us and yet Jesus came and died for us because he loves us, God wanted us. This is the greatest representation of love. 

Always be willing to fight for love, fight for them, but know as well when to love them enough to let go. You will come across some who cheat, who break, but understand, it is better to forgive than to hold a grudge. Better to love than to hate. 

Love is truly precious and you are meant to love and be loved. Though there will be some who remain single, understand as well there will be many who find someone to walk this earth with. But don’t let the idea or fantasy of love cloud you from he who is love, God. Or even, to stop you from loving others just as much. To love means to give, not what you get. Love is unconditional, is not prideful, does not boast, conquers all, goes through all, is not envious, filled by lust or emotions, it is sacrifice, devotion, commitment, respect, trust, truth, pure, love is God. And in knowing this I not only reveal that the hole we strive to fill can not be filled by another person, who is just as incomplete or imperfect as you. Our hole is a God shaped hole and yet we know we are whole and still made whole when we allow God to show us love. 

This has been longer than anticipated but this comes from the heart. We are told what to expect from matters in this world by those around us. But as I finish these last few sentences, take it from someone who has experienced love, value those around you and also see that you are of value as well. See not the “hole” but see yourself as whole, let the world see who you are and can be and in turn, one day you just might run beside someone who sees you and though you know you are whole, feel complete. Be blessed.

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