I remember the line, “It’s smoking!”, the classic movie Jim Carrey played in during the 90s. It related to my life in many ways and now looking back at it, more than what I would like to admit. Though some don’t even know that the film itself is an adaptation from the original comic story.
For those who aren’t familiar, there’s a guy who finds a mask and when he puts it on becomes something else, or someone else. Like the story of Jekyll and Hyde. Though I never got into reading the whole series of the comic, the movie did play a role in shaping my life subconsciously.
Like I explained in my recent blog post, I’ve grown tired of the facade that I seemed to make myself into. So many people know this false identity that it really is tiring to say the least to keep up with him. Now that I officially am more so myself, I’m removing the mask. Now why the cover up you may ask? It really was as a ruse, I wanted people to think of me as something else, while still being in the shadows. A mystery. Just as Bruce Wayne acted like he was a douche or even how Clark Kent acted the way he was, all too hide who they really were.
I never wanted people to get close to me. From the days I ventured into the occult and was slowly being led away from it, I knew my past would scare people. Especially my family, I was cold, dark, and so I allowed humor or my sarcastic side to take root and made my own persona. People nowadays know me to be that pun, literal, “smart” guy, being slick and sassy. Those who get a hint of who I am see me for a bit of who I am, a loving, humble guy, who prefers being alone, yet have intellectual conversations with others. I’m not part of the norm of what most people think. True, wearing this “mask” has started to become part of who I am, I still enjoy jokes, it isn’t who I am. Like some may know, I removed all social media but that is because I feel it is a waste, I find one gets disconnected with the world and people rather than being in the moment. And now looking back at it, it seems I would always do it while I was trying to let learn yet I was being conformed to ways I never liked. Even then I can honestly say, I have done things I am ashamed to admit, people I’ve hurt and etc, but as well I feel I grew more distant trying to hide it all then allowing people to truly know me and see how much I’ve changed.
The reality is we all wear masks at times. We might work in a job we dislike and still smile at people, act a different way. The truth is we act differently to everyone we meet depending on our level of trust with them. And to a point you shouldn’t give your heart out freely or allow others to know your secrets buy there comes a time when you just have to be yourself. This is the point I’ve reached. I am young, I haven’t had a mid life crisis. But I do feel that I am as weird and out of the norm as they come. Most people find it weird, my recent changes and for the better, I now can see who really took the time to get to know me or even want to learn. We wear our masks comfortably and slowly lose ourselves, we become something else. This should never be the case. Instead, be you, the world will shape you or try to present you an image to bear, but in reality your identity is not found behind a mask, learn to admire and appreciate who you see in the reflection, and once you do you’ll find others who do as well. The truth is better than a lie.