Most people see it as a sign of attention when one stands in front of people and speaks with all honesty. I could not recall all the times my words have had an effect or regarded as silly memoirs of my passing of time. Yet as a writer and man, I speak or write for those who are willing to listen or hear. Brothers and sisters I write not just as a man but servant and follower of my Lord and Savior JesusChrist. Thoughmy wordsmay be seen as foolish or bring laughs as one can stereotype as that one religious friend. I speak from the hear. Those whohhear or feel the stirring in one’s hearts bear these words in mind.
What is it that drives us to the frontier of forging our own paths? I’ve ventured into the unknown seeking answers. Claiming from the early days of my being since I feared the darkness that I wanted to control it. From then stemmed the notion on what I once heard, knowledge is more powerful that force, to know and understand means you can control.
My history is one few know yet to know it I share my heart to gain trust. I didn’t just study the darkness I felt I became it. It always seemed to be a monster inside of me. I trusted no one and so my path was of solitude. I created an identity and with it a tale that I enforced. I became shado. Yet to those who saw it not magic became my craft. I relished within ancient teachings and though I was as an outcast my mind was set for control. For did not the spirits I conversed with say I would rise to power? Senrow Gydus Cronous. The name of the demon in a language taught to me and traced from the ancient world, hitaganian, was the name and my title a spirozen, him with two souls, the perfect host they would say in my group. The fantasy I built saying I was chosen only a trick of Satan and his demons. I tasted the darkness and found peace with it.
From the nights I had to face poverty upon the streets as I watched my family sleep in the car as we had no where to go, causing me to develop my work ethic, my delayed sleep syndrome. I cried out to God and he answered. Placing me in the care of a family that allowed us to grow. A church which began to forge a calling within me, and then another. Yet the calling of the dark lingered, a promise to return every year because of my blood line, the seal and contract I made so long ago as a child. Bearing the name on my left arm as a constant reminder of who I was. Seeing my reflection and seeing a monster, a villian. I caused all the hurt and tribulations. I blamed myself because of what I did, how I used people, lied to them. I never believed in getting close to people and kept everyone at arms length. People would hearthe stories of how I was good with words and assumed I moved around with woman, and so I let the charade play out. People knew me as being quiet, heartless, yet I always wanted to escape reality and allowed weed and alcohol to help me cope but was lost. I was at a cross road, I knew the darkness all too well and yet knew the light. I was revealed God and he spoke to me, giving me no excuse to doubt. And so I made a choice, to serve. Yet Satan and his followers always found a weak spot, and I would fall. I kept asking God, what was I doing wrong? And that’s when he spoke, come to me all who are weary. It was never about what I can do but what he can do. Time doesn’t heal, God does. We can’t just change, God helps us. It is so easy to disregard everyone and just be yourself, disregard feelings and become prideful. I’ve been there and done that, it’s not worth it. The lies, the guard, it’s not worth it. Chasing after foolish passions, it all fades. God is enough. And I can be as eloquent with words and debate but I rather reveal a changed heart.
I am a sinner, the just and righteous God does not allow evil or sin, sin being anything that comes before God, that which is good or love. We forget that God is good or is love, we forget that he will judge, we forget, the father gave the son the power to judge as the spirit bears witness. We for get how the Father loved us so much he gave his son. But even in knowing this , when the nature of Jesus is revealed why don’t we cry on our knees. God became a man to rescue us. People ask why the sudden change, it’s all God. I follow in obedience because his love. I don’t need a fancy title, a successful career, money, cars or even a relationship “goal”, God is enough. Always. To repent of my ways and believe but faith without works is dead, the calling is not only to believe, but to follow Christ, die daily and live forhim. In doing so , the Spirit dwells within and shapesyou into the image of Christ. You love as he love and live as he lived. Yet the calling isn’t to be taken lightly, you will persecuted for the righteous shall be seen as foolish for following what is good for men have abandoned God and fall into their passions and pride. Come to God and find rest.