Morrow Dream

I am a passing dream everyone awakens from. 

A memory as if lived but slowly forgotten. 

Seek me not in the same manner for I pass by like the wind. 

Ever changing and growing as the roots seep deep into life. 

Let me find tranquility upon this isolation and a home of true serenity amongst my own. 

I am a nightmare to some and a lucid marvel. 

Dreamwalking upon their own conscious step. 

See me go as once more I depart and in this goodbye know, my soul rests within the shadows of the morrow.

Progressive Education

​ 

You dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a f**in’ education you coulda got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library. – Will, Good Will Hunting

Sorry, sir, You don’t have proper schooling, you don’t have a degree. A common trend I’ve seen a lot of in the states. I’ve seen people boast about their degrees or titles. Nowadays, looking at education, talking to kids, it’s amazing how things are turning out. We are being conditioned to a system that truly just teaches to memorize and what we learn, not applied. 

I watched good will hunting the other day and it had me stop and think. For the most part, I could associate myself with Will. He is considered a genius, self taught and a nact for excelling. For me, school was always easy, boring but easy so I hardly tried or cared for. After I graduated high school, I found myself deleting information and relearning various subjects. I found myself researching and reading everything/anything that I was curious about. And the more I did, the less I cared about college. 

Like I’ve stated, people like boasting at times they went to school, only to end up working a job they don’t want or love, only “need” it, to survive. I’ve seen people going to a trade school or skipping it altogether and finding ways to make more than someone with a degree. What people need to realize is that intelligence is not determined by an iq test, degree, and etc. Question what you’re taught and do your own research as well.

Now sure, I might be going for a degree in biblical studies but do I really need that? Paul and the other apostles read the word and allowed the spirit to impart wisdom onto them. They didn’t go to seminary. Yet what I see even in the church is a sense of entitlement. I can’t preach because I’m not a leader or pastor? I can’t discuss matters because I don’t hold a degree? Now sure, some qualifications may precede, be ordained, studied materials and subjects. I’m not saying all of it is worthless or a waste. When done properly and applied, education is shown to create progress and change. It’s the mindset. 

When I first came to the realization that I’m a writer, a constant thought plagued me. I thought, “I have no creative writing experience, my grammar is iffy, and my punctuation isn’t the best. A year later, here I am. I would read about writers who just decided to write, they didn’t major in English. They inspired me to keep going, to not be restricted by how I should word something but to truly reveal the message carved in my heart. Just the same, I stand in between people and preach, being self taught. Like I stated, whatever I didn’t know how to do, I learned. I would spend hours looking and learning til I understood something. 

We’ve lost the drive as people. I hear people nowadays just say, I can’t wait to finish school, get a job, maybe get married, then hopefully retire. It is as if we have taken it as a chore, spending 12-20 years of our lives just to say we did it and go to a 9 to 5, til we can vacation. Instead of going with a mindset of what can I learn so that I may apply it and change the world. Where have our dreams gone to? Some people say we simply woke up, but I say, you’ve merely become distracted by the fantasy. 

This isn’t supposed to make you feel good, it is a matter of conviction. What are you really doing with your life? Are you waiting for those 30 years to end and then just let it be tossed away, or are going to continue to move forward, help bring change? Are you going to spend thousands on something you could learn and may need to invest in that company, future? These are questions we must answer. I’m not saying college, universities, are bad. What I’m conveying is, is it going to define who you are, what you do, or will you simply hide behind it and later in life let it fade, only leaving a dent in your life. It’s okay to have goals, dreams, proper education, but let it create a better you, progression, and never forsaking the potential within you.

Falling in Love

​”Is it the end then? You will simply let it all play out without even trying?”, she felt tears starting to form as her vision became a blur. She wanted to hate him, his expression cold.

“You don’t understand. I’ve been where you are. I’ve walked this life and experienced one too many tragedies. It doesn’t matter what it is, happiness doesn’t suit me. I’ve always been the villian. I no longer see the world the same as everyone else.” He paused and looked towards the night sky.

“B-but don’t I matter….” She wanted to bury her face in her hands but she kept holding on. “I love you…”

“Of course you do, but like all, in the end I am and will always be a memory. I’ve grown tired of this world. I hate the person I’ve been and can’t stand to see who I see in the reflection.” He turned to look into her eyes. The tears streaming down her cheeks. “Love has a funny way of betraying us. A promise is never for eternity and love is truly, never, forever. You were the reason I decided to hold on just a little longer. But now it’s time I allowed you to live.”

She saw it as if time slowed. He let her hand go. He slowly fell into the darkness below him.

He smiled as he descended. He welcomed the cold abyss. It felt as if all was at peace. No more burdens that kept him tied, no more storms that raged in his mind. He knew if he didn’t let go, she would have perished as well. And yet, he knew, what would life be without such a star shining. What was his life but worthless if not for the sacrifice of at least sparing one he considered of worth. He had caused so much pain. And now he felt as he always was, alone. And as he continued to remember and feel a warmth like never before, he had loved and been loved and that was the greatest reward. He touched his chest and felt it beating, the air gushing past him. 

She could no longer see him. She heard a car overhead and people crying her name. As she was about to scream back she felt it, as if she had exploded. Her love was gone.

Reoccuring Thoughts

​It’s like a nightmare that never ends. You wake up, look around you and remain perplexed. Is this the life you truly dreamed about? You look back through the list you compiled when you were younger, check, check, skip, skip, you begin to see you “didn’t” make it. You turn to look at your friends through social media and see their lives doing things you dreamed of. 

This is a common thing I’ve seen, they say that because of social media we grow more depressed or even the fact in knowing you didn’t “make it”. I also hear people say, you can’t force fate, things happen for a reason. Now I dont like being that one guy that plays the devil’s advocate always, but I don’t believe in, things happen for a reason. 

Now before rocks are thrown, hear me out. Sure, you meet people, you grow because of the lessons you learn but guess what? When it all comes down to it, we make or decide our own choices. We can only be guided or taught what is right, it is our choice to follow it. Now you can either learn from the bad choices or just put the blame and believe in some force that truly requires more faith believing, than believing in God, karma. 

Another common saying is, God allows things to happen for a reason. I’m not taking anything away from my Father. If his will is to be done, it shall, but just as I stated, we decide ultimately. Judas was beside the best teacher, Lord, prophet and God himself but he followed his desires and turned to greed. You see what I’m trying to say?

We get caught into these fantasies, that we need to “wait” for things to happen. Go with the flow. But the reality is change comes with movement, shifting of the mind. An artist doesnt become an artist, waiting to be acknowledged, he goes out and lets his art be known. A lover doesn’t wait for a wife, he pursues her by discerning someone who will walk beside him, no matter the cost. 

I’ve grown tired of certain things in life and hence I change not only my surroundings but how I view them, in turn myself, with God’s help of course. I see people wasting their lives, distracted, waiting for sometthing to happen, a sign, and 30 years can pass and still remain idle. Now sure, some people take longer than others but those people needed to learn valuable lessons or took them longer to find who they were. 

The point is this, you will never be ready. You can point the blame and say you will always be single or not have a good career or you can do something about it. You will love and lose, your heart broken, but never be afraid to love again. To love and be loved is the greatest reward. Find yourself, be yourself and look for that special person. To back to school, tech school, learn new skills, change jobs, and etc. For one who remains still amongst the storm will drown. Life keeps moving. If you fall, get back up, you are not alone and as you may see others “advance” you are foing so as well. Keep pushing. Go beyond your limits.

We’re the Problem

I will not be that Christian you encounter that appears to be encompassed by a “myth”. I’m sorry to disappoint. I will not simply come up with the statement, “God works in mysterious ways” when evil occurs, to defend the reasoning. Let us clarify some things. For you to declare something to be evil, you must first understand what is good. To do so or claim there is no such thing as absolutes, or absolute moral compass, you yourself are creating a self defeating statement, because your answer is stated as if it itself is an absolute. 

In your mind, things are relative, so then what if what you perceive as evil, some perceive as good? There in lies the kicker. But to expand, evil can be explained from 3 things, I’ve found: 1. Naturalistic Evil (storms that may have killed someone due to temperature changes, atmosphere, conditions, any natural cause that caused havok, or even by our biology reaching its climax.) 2. Human-based (murder, rape, and etc that one sees or determines as hurting another) 3. Spiritual (forces beyond our control, demonic that influence). 

Now like I’ve said, I get the excuse all the time, I cannot believe in God if he allows evil. But then I can ask, why should I believe in you, if you do so as well? There is poverty in the streets, those in power we allow who are corrupt, and all you do is simply point the finger while you sit comfortably, but you say, as long as it doesn’t affect me right? Well isn’t it our world? If one man causes a war that leads to your sons death or major changes to the environment, what then? It is evil because it is against your benefit? 

Understand something, we make our own choices. That is why we are not robots. Sure we could have been just mindless drones but for what purpose? People say, I can’t believe in a God who allows evil. And I will answer, he does not. All will be judged in the end. People then get mad and try to control God, if he’s all powerful and he knew what we were going to do, why did he allow it? Listen, God doesn’t put anything or anyone over himself. Yet he loved us so much he allowed us to have our own choices and grow, but also guided us, showing us the right way, we have simply rebelled and tried to create a way of life without him. Though he revealed himself, throughout time, man was to concerned in what he could do, or influenced to believe he was greater. I’m not here to undermine anyone, all I’m saying is the problem is much more than debating about good and evil, it is more so, who we are and what is our purpose. 

I can go back and forth, all day talking about matters of the faith, historically, scientifically, and etc, showing the evidence. But when it all comes down to it, it is a matter of the heart. Just know that no matter what the Gospel is as so, we are all sinners, we fall short because we have broken the laws, what is good, turning to evil, and there is nothing we can do, nothing. Yet God, rich in mercy, grace, came down, in the form of a man, taking such a lowly form, revealing himself, teaching us, and in turn taking upon himself, all our sins, died. Yes, died. But rose again to reveal his power over death, so that in he who believes in him, shall find life. That they may put away their old ways, repent, and live for him and no longer ourselves, loving one another and being pure, holy. Being made to the image of he who was without sin. This is the Gospel, and some might ignore this, unfollow, unfriend, depending on where you read this, but just know, seriously take the time and research, meditate on the things you find. Don’t mindlessly pursue or believe because someone has a title or status, to be liked, or etc. 

The cost of following Christ is everything, you will lose friends, family, jobs, and maybe even your own life, but guess what? Christ is still more than enough, he is all. This is Gee_ology, once again telling you, be blessed. Boom, let’s go!!

Speaking through Silence

It is not that I remain quiet on certain issues or that I become silent. The reality is, that we have created a culture, a society that wants or desires a need to be accepted, tolerated, but rejects any sense of validity that comes in opposition with their views. We have become lovers of self, to such extremities, that preference based on what we grow to believe, “supersedes” the reality or nature of our existence. Man has rejected absolutes but claims his own view to be that of its own, though is relative. So if I was to voice truth, it is taken as insensitive, offensive and counter cultural. And when it is a matter of opinion, ignored or seen as foolish. We’ve been so entertained with notions of being accepted that we’ve rejected sound teaching and have painted our own image of what is good or even who is God, or even, there is no God. In such a display, those who stand by justice, truth, and reason, will be persecuted not because we speak in a bold manner apart from the majority, but because we uphold the foundations in which the many have departed from. In this manner, I now “watch” what I say, not to be tolerant, but in what I say, it may begin to pierce the notions and ideology that have replaced what is rooted in our hearts. And in such a case, I walk a path that many few dream, for in it, one finds not the fruit of success but of death, for it is against all that the world now stands for, truth.

Touch of Death

The water dripped from the side of the table. Hitting the floor and sending an echo that stretched through the air, as the sounds bounced off the walls. The cup, now rolling to follow the course drawn in steady streams. The hands that held it twitched every few seconds. Eyes that wandered, penetrated by the light that peered into its search.

The man struggled to get up from the chair. His knees collapsing under him, causing a jerking motion which led to floor. His hands now reached towards the light. It now started to flash before him. Everything slowly turning to a tunnel of darkness as he felt himself clawing for relief. Gasps of air were heard over the dripping water that now formed a small puddle.

The light moved upwards, revealing a sly grin. The two front teeth missing and the freckles, revealing a child, as if haunting the beginning of what now was the end. His black eyes seemed to fill the room as everything was trapped by his stare. 

The man felt his heart slowing down from its burst of adrenaline. He could start feeling the floor, its dark wet surface, accepting his fate. He didn’t struggle anymore. He let his hands rest on the floor. Trying to close his eyes, he tried to remember a fond memory. But not even in this moment, was life so kind and easily gave him away.

The child grabbed the mans hand. Its warm touch filled the man with hope for at least a second, til darkness became whole. Feeling his senses with a cold snap, to awaken him from his fantasy. And as he was, he was not and into the abyss went. Yet only his body was left, to uncover the mystery.

They say you see the light flashing before your eyes, moments before death. What they never tell you is that that’s death welcoming you to his embrace. Within the darkness, you can…for the short moments…see his face.