Bringing Disorder to Order

Living with OCD, depression and anxiety 101 hehe.

People assume your only compulsive nature is to be super clean. It actually comes in spurts for me, most days things are organized others it is my computer files, books and work.

Mostly though OCD for me is having compulsive thoughts or images come to my head, from violent thoughts to very intimate or what people consider sexual. If it’s not that, constant thinking about the future or past or looking for weak spits, exits, ways to improve what I’m doing, reanalyzing research all in my head. To stay focused I tap, make sounds, play chess or go in my head or make jokes.

Depression hits like a rock at times, when least expected. But I’ve found writing to help control it and find a calm. Same as anxiety, I find writing but also reading to help. Reading scripture and praying helps a lot.

Though I may be seen as someone with a “disorder”, I feel a shifting of mindset and continuously letting God change me has helped me.

Happiness isn’t a feeling or need, but a mindset so you change it. You surround yourself with good people, stop doing things that stress you out and being productive. Believe it or not, being on social media a lot is depressing and not good mentally. Sure as a blogger I may seem like I’m here a lot but I’ve learned to take time in my life to improve who I am.

You determine the outcome of the now to see the future. Remember, you can say no and change the situation you are in at any moment. God wouldn’t have given us free will if he didn’t want us to be unique and etc.

Our individuality is rare and special. You don’t have to do something or be that somebody to have a “good” life. The world doesn’t determine what is “good”, it might appear like it does but that is a perversion of life.

I’ve learned that having all this has helped me grow. I don’t use it as an excuse anymore but as a way to show that we can overcome it by God’s help. I no longer need to drown myself with bottles, be around the night life or seek danger, I’m even thinking my happiness will be found with someone else.

For me, God is enough. He brings my disorder to order. For I rest all my anxieties and troubles and trust in God. My mind changed and my heart renewed. I rather be in light fmthat lost within the darkness.

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