Yes, I had to be bold there for a second. People don’t value it enough or should I say, as they get older they begin to. Sleep is honestly a luxury for me. For those who don’t know, from my days being homeless, due to OCD as well, I developed what is called, delayed sleep syndrome. It is basically when your biological clock is reversed or like it states, delayed.
I find myself fully awake at night and only reach my desire to fall asleep around 4-7am, then, waking up at 9am-1pm. This feels normal to me, yet there’s days I close at my job, and open the next day. This affects me a lot. Now what does all this have to do with what is occurring to me? Simple, ive been working 10-12 hours on literally 3-5 hours of sleep everyday.
People think I’m not human when I tell them these things. Heck, I am on an intermittent fast, meaning I hardly eat, plus I hardly sleep as well and yet you still find me chipper and doing 20 other things as if it was normal. My boss one day saw me yawn and yelled amazed at me. The reality is, I dont know how I function. My doctor says I am killing my body and recommended taking melatonin. Which I am. But here’s my dilemma, I’m out lol.
Today marks day 5 with a total of 15 hours of sleep all together. There’s days I crash, I would be driving or watching a movie, I will feel it a bit, like a tug of nothingness and have to park or prepare, and pass out for like 5-8 hours and not even Jesus could wake me hahaha.
It’s weird though, there have been moments where I could actually fall to sleep, when I’m next to someone I love, this was the case with my ex, with my dogs and pillows, or when I felt too much or nothing at all from depression and anxiety. Yet who wants to live like that?
I just find that amidst theae hours, I feel the most peace. The world sleeps to me and I remain awake as if this is all but a dream. And in this this is but another lucid night…