I could hear the air circulating through my room. The air conditioner, on its highest setting, blasting through the unbearable heat of the Florida weather. Another day, another night. It’s happening again, I talk about it frequently, well it’s only really been 3 articles or posts, but still, the shift.
It came about, roughly yesterday, the sudden pulse of anxiety creeping in with the notion of my life being reflected before me, as if a mirage was seen afar. How long has it been since the last time? 4 months? 6 months? I remember only the pivotal undertakings and the drastic changes I decided to embark, within this crazy journey of life.
The first shift, as I call it, was when I could hear God speaking life into my mind. I was trying to escape my breakup, the constant torment I put myself through. Going out and finding distractions, only to be left empty and hollow. That is until God swept in. Within that, a shifting of the mind and I began to see that happiness is not found, but is a choice we decide on. The second shift, being when I knew there was more to life than being entertained by the things of this world. We all become captivated at times, but there is a clear line we shouldn’t cross. Distractions cause us to forget our purpose and lead us astray, lost. Finding who I truly was meant to be, I began to write, letting my stories be heard and shared through the web. 120 posts later, and here I am.
Yet, here I am, another night where I could feel the beating of my heart, my mind racing with thoughts. What’s been the progress so far? Life. I have always gone to the full stretch in things, understanding mysteries, puzzles, yet through it all, I never was really “living”. We spend so much of our time saying, (insert something here) is life. But the reality is, we merely exist and have trouble gathering what life should really be about.
I’ve said it countless of times, we can have #goals, but instead let us stop dreaming and wake up, start doing. This is where I am now. I know, you could notice that my last relationship changed me, but it wasn’t just the person, the experiences, I respect her, and pray for the best in her life, it was the growth that it instilled. I truly became aware of the damage I was causing to people. I’ve noted it before, I was narcissistic, my inability to see this early on just showcases my ignorance amidst the “wisdom” I claimed to have. It didn’t matter, nor does it, how much I claim to know, if I don’t apply it. You can ask (those that have been with me from the beginning) have I moved on from her? Reality is, a part of me will always love her, that’s just who I am, but I know I still need to continue to grow and allow to be present, not caught in what ifs or what would bes.
I continue to see hownthings are in this world, the further I advance in my years. The state of this world is scary to say the least. Within the reflections of my own life, I have turned as well to other’s as well, creating a heavy heart and yearning to bring change, not merely speak of it. It would seem now, that actions are being the root of my scopes, I am moving to the fields and allowing my work to come to light. Change is inevitable and I will continue to do so, but I am no longer concerned with the future and the past, is as it should be, I cannot change it. Even though I deal with my depression, anxiety, and etc, I’m “dealing” with it. I continue to find my hope in God and continue to give others hope as well. My advice to you all today is, wake up. The don’t get caught within dreams or pasts, future’s, live now and be the change you want to see. Be willing to sacrifice the things that will keep you asleep and move forward to live. Be blessed all. Gee_ology out!