God Restored

It wasn’t in seeing the historicity of the church, the prophetic working coming to fruition, nor in being raised in a Christian household. My revelation derived from seeing the darkness and Satan, evil in its purest form, embodied within and those I surrounded myself with.

The light found me in the darkest of places and love in those moments I hated the world and myself. In my brokenness, I was restored. I did nothing, I did not “find” God, instead, he came for me and that in itself is a testament as to why I lay down my life daily.

Threads of Life

Interwoven since birth til death. 

Find me sown by the webs of time. 

Though they were moments I asked to cut the thread. 

Lines stretched by struggles fabricated in mind. 

Pieces pushing buttons to unzip cries. 

Steps taken though past obscured by genes. 

Solace sought by never ending fashion. 

Creativity and release, removed by belts. 

Unlaced feelings shooing away as I feel the sand between toes. 

Flipping through pages of the book of my life. 

Chapters with laughters, friends and family. 

Lovers of old, awaiting to pursue the new. 

Regrets are none, for my life continues on….

The Falling Future

People like seeing the belittlement of others. We like drama, we gossip and if we see others fail or do wrong, we say, atleast we’re doing good, have this, or that. We act and say we don’t put our lives out there for people, yet highlight reels of our best moments captivate the audience we’ve developed.

No one is a saint, nor perfect, I don’t care what you have claimed to do. I sure as hell am not. We have even “christians” proclaiming a saved life yet are in the same sins. A title they hold but a life they do not share. Words are distributed into categories where they are considered “curse” words, yet words, in proper context are mere words.

We have devalued ourselves, becoming copies of what the system projects. Allowing what makes us human, seem like weaknesses, if shared. We have turned materialistic and allowed ourselves to be the animals taught by our education, which is, in itself, a joke. History is written by the winners and the people have no say, only those in power.

If words hold not your gaze or catch your ears, they are disregarded, because now, it is all about us. What will I gain? What will they give me? Why not me? To speak on such matters will cause many to ignore, for your insight is not valued, unless you hold a position of power. This is the truth. Some may regard it as opinions but we cannot lie and say the world is a better place than it was years ago.

We seek an evolution, studying, spending years to be in debt only for a paycheck to live in comfort, as we work half our lives to vacation the rest, as the world continues to fall. But we cannot state this, because it is part of the plan, to go to school for 20+ years, work 20-30, and complain about the state of the world allowing it to continue, because it’s “our” lives, so who cares, right? We have advanced scientifically, technologically, but as humanity, degraded.

My moon

Speak to me O silent moon. What sorrows have you seen and faced. Changing through nights seeing pain but I know you have seen joy. Keep your beauty by your radiating light though you shy away when you’re new. But this is just a passing of time. It will come when you must set for the shift of time shows you a wake. The sun awaits and will you meet it’s gaze, you shall eclipse the world. The twilight of an ever passing orbit, around my world. Let me walk upon your surface and i shall let you see that I have life. I will hold you close. The tides revealing the storms.

Human Race

We’re human. Just saying that should give you chills. Even if you don’t believe in a divine being, creating us in his image, like I do. Just the complexities and intricacies of being human. How this system, that is us, works and operates. A living, breathing being. We look at the animal kingdom and yet we see, stand out. 

Many people try to disregard that we are indeed, “natural”. We love and hate, create, not just art or structures but also, ourselves, breeding more of our species, our race. We don’t realize we need to stop and appreciate this, we are humanity. Through all the good we say we do, we also need to realize the bad. The wars we create, the injustice and immorality. We have distorted and allow ourselves to be as animals, though our thought process is much more evolved. Do we not stand? Or should I say, since we already stand, why not continue to do so, with what is true and righteous. 

Coming together to appreciate and value one another, our differences are minor compared to who we are as a collective. Though we are capable of being monsters and I know it by experience. 

We are still made and shown what and how life should and can be. We need one another, hence we build relationships. We find comfort, huddling close when it is cold, dark. We were meant to shine, be lights. Let us truly do so. The human race, running together and growing. The moment we stop, the sooner it will end. Be blessed.

Gift of Time

I am a very strong believer in being present, now. It took me a while to figure out why it was so important to be…present. I always wanted to be in control. You may hear me constantly speaking about how narcissistic I was, like a broken record. But I like taking days to pound these lessons onto myself. Looking back, I now understand why many things failed or I developed such anxieties and depression.

I wanted to control everything, setting rules to help make my life manageable. Not only my life, but anyone who got close. This was the greatest of errors in my part. Life is not meant to be controlled; Nor are people. I would venture into a relationship thinking the storms will be of no concern, because I steered the ship. Til, of course, I was faced with abandoning the ship as the other was forced to escape my direction before they were led astray.

What can be truly said? To explain to some people that you see yourself with such disgust as a manipulative, inhuman man. Even now, things have changed. How I would occasionally lose myself in timelines or feeds but still hunger for moments, to take back seconds that I let loose. How I wish I could properly state that I made mistakes, yet my own rage faced with the reflection that looked upon me, every day. Time is a constant river of uncertainty. I do not know what tomorrow may hold. Nor do I know or dream of finding “the one”.

I don’t want to be caught in imaginary scenes or thoughts. I remember what Forest Gump would say, “Life is like a box of chocolates…”. Time is truly precious, dont lose sight of it. Caught in the past or even the wondering about the future.

I have enjoyed the challenges and voyage and I know tomorrow will bring more. The people I will meet, see, or encounter, I will embrace that moment…today…now…forever… Knowing now, that life is a blessing and I will not waste it. I need to live, instead of wanting a fantasy.

Love will grow over time from a friendship. One day, I will look back and know it to be worth it.

Such is the marvel bestowed, time, we feel it is like a prison, only because we surround ourselves with schedules. But it isn’t about losing yourself if you don’t abide to it, it is in making sure that in this moment, this very one, you are in fact making history. You matter, even now, and that is a beautiful thing. Be present my friends, for it is truly a gift.

Thank You All

Woah. I don’t know really, just wanted to catch your attention. I like to write as if I was right next to someone or actually sending you guys an email or text. I mean, let’s be honest, we’re all friends to some degree by now. If you follow my blog, you may know me at a personal level, so why fret?

Work has been exhausting as of late. We’ve been busy with father’s day and just introducing our summer sales. For those who don’t know, I’m a manager at a retail store. Full time job? Of course. Like I’ve said, if I got paid to write more, I would focus on that.

Writing is not a hobby to me anymore. Before I just loved to write. I was going through my old notebooks and saw a few stories I wrote. Granted, they weren’t the best but it showed me that it was always in me. I had and have galaxies to be explored and shared, in my mind. I want all of you to experience them.

This is more so, to thank everyone. I may not be a well known author. I am still currently working on my stories and books. I will always update you guys on that. Truly, I do not seek a thousand Likes or repost on sites. I love inspiring people. I may say it a few timez or a million more, but you guys keep pushing me when I see someone liked it or comments. I am growing as a writer so bear with me. But know, you are not alone. We are all just sharing and bleeding from our souls. Be blessed all.

Escaping Time

Find me not in forever. Let eternity find me in my grave. Life is but a vapor and so I present. Time may find a sentence but it holds me not in chains. I need not watch what to do, but why I do it. To merely exist and be caught up by minutes. Cast me upon the morrows and remember me not from yesterday, but watch me swim in the currents of today. I live and so I breathe, now, held not by destiny. Find my fate buried, my choice is the will of the Lord’s. Sleep shall not hold the dreamer, rise to another, where time is no more.

Consistently, Deeply Rooted

Done, I finished writing. Closing my laptop I continue to hear the tv in the background. I grab my phone and move on towards scrolling down news feeds. The only sounds around me is the tv so I allow my phone to play music. I open up contacts and text my best friend. As I wait for replies I flip through channels and turn on the 3ds. I stop abruptly, a quote catches my eye as I’m scrolling,

“writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t want to do something else.” – Gloria Steilman

I remember a verse from scripture now.

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me” (John 15:4).

What am I doing? The thought plagues me all day and now I write.

Distractions. We are surrounded by them but what I never truly considered was consistency. My friends know me to be the “funny” guy. I make puns, am literally and like to joke around. People know me as the conspiracy theorist and so on. But there is a list, I’ve heard it before, I’m an extremist but as well what I now see it as, is I’m not really consistent.

I jump around topics, go off in a tangent, and it would seem, that even apart from my narcissistic tendencies I have escaped from, I’m still getting a hold of who I am. I’m fighting with myself more than I could handle. Days I am motivational and others I allow my depression or anxiety to take hold, though I hold to my sanity. I would always believe it to be multi tasking when in fact I was never deeply rooted.

I like to put on a lot for myself, not realizing that the weight is heavy. I’ve slowly begun noticing the triggers to my OCD. In turn, I’ve changed a few things about me. One key thing is knowing I cant really ne in control of my future, no matter what I do. In this sense, as well, I’ve reduced what I swore I should be doing.

I have found myself being so busy that in reality I am doing so much that in reality, I’m doing nothing at all. I tend to lose sight of things, being bombarded by so much going on and trying to follow it. And so the verse from scripture was ringing into my ears. How much or for how long have I said I will abide in God but truly just place it as another side project. Like some of my writing, where I take parts of my time but never really dwelling deeply within.

I come to realize that being extreme or random is truly not beneficial. Consistency is truly of value. To have a mind that wanders or always open it reveals there is no ground or true foundation. I need to rest and reside with a firm standing, deeply rooted so that I may not stumble or fall. It is not about being a mystery to others nor seeming like I’m crazy. I truly wish to show others that I lead by example. That I teach love, truth, and have a firm understanding. Deeply rooted in God, will be consistent and focus on the task at hand; taking the necessary steps, one at a time, to climb.

Reality is a Choice

Reality is not always pleasant, but It’s real. We easily hide behind materialistic things or distractions, dulling our lives into believing we must be happy or positive all the time. Many people don’t like acknowledging sadness or issues because they think it will mess up their “vibe”.

We have become superficial by ignoring it. We are now filled with a desire to get or spend, consume or waste. Always in a rush but never really getting anywhere. Doing things we hate only because it supplies. Having us ease our growing tension of intolerance, fear, desperation, hunger of power, with an allowance towards a common distraction. These distractions can be seen in the form of drugs, phones, food, alcohol, media, or whatever allows us to escape.

We want to escape reality, so in turn we begin to exist but never truly live. We die early, or to better word, give an appearance of death, and it is as if we are robots, manufactured to work within a system that continues in a rapid downfall. Taught that what we need is owed to us, we continue as children then, never really growing up and experiencing the world.

Hard work, a slow climb, filled with levels of growth and change is only seen by few. Even within relationships, we are surrounded by fantasies. It is a marvel at times. But I rather live.

Be of example and live the life you dream, don’t merely continue asleep. Be the change, lead by example. Love, work hard, follow truth, and share with others, this is of truth value.