I’m Sober It

It’s funny, looking back at all the reckless things I did in my life. I remember the nights I went out with certain friends or stayed at their place to drink. I remember the days I would smoke and find the need for peace of mind by the “green”. Amidst it all, a substance or really anything became my addiction.

My mind is a constant storm that shifts through the weather of life. I used to think by abstaining from things forcefully I could find control. It was to my own failure that I saw that it wasn’t what I was doing but truly, why I was doing it that needed to change.

Recently I’ve debated with myself about various things in my life from using social media to debauchery and etc. It’s been quite awhile since I drank to the point that I lost my senses. Now close to 2 years since I smoked weed and bout a year and a half since I was physically with someone. Throughout these time spans in my walk to understanding who I am, I’ve learned to be sober minded. To learn who I am and in turn learn that I have control.

Ultimately I decide the choices that I will take, even though my mental issues may come into play. I know as well that God continues to shape me and I grow accordingly. My choice now to drink to a certain limit and to be celibate until or if I find someone and marry them, is me being sober in mind. To properly be logical not only who I am but how I affect others as well, how I use my time and etc.

I believe this is what Paul spoke about in the bible or the revelation that people see after being sober for a moment. You truly do begin to see with a clearer focus. Though I do understand some needs medically for some things, in speaking about anything not just drugs, being controlled by it. I have struggled with many things from sex, drugs, pornography, social media and etc, especially being an ex narcissist. But like scripture says, God is transforming me but as well, I must take charge at times and set my mind on other things. Things in this world would give temporary solutions but never something permanent. In turn, I’m focused now in making sure that I remain sober. Sober minded in not only who I am and having control of my life, but properly helping others, coming to God and focusing on things that will truly last.

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