From Within

You grin slyly as you make up the perfect status. You go back and forth debating if you want to add a picture or not but when you do, you decide to add it on Snapchat or Instagram with clever hashtags. You’ve become a pro at it in actuality and so you await the responses or noticifications in wait. 

Sounds familiar? Maybe it does or maybe it is something we commonly hear about, see, hate, etc. It is for one something that spiraled into my life and now reflecting about it all I stand amazed how idiotic it all was. You hear the stories about how people cyberstalk or some people share similar friends and at times you just find yourself on someones page, wherever, and see a preview into their lives. For the most part we can’t see behind the smiles or the pictures, the words posted and etc, yet we draw out own conclusions, don’t we?

I was extremely good at manipulating people. The words I used and the actions I committed allowed me to have a response for the most part towards people. I remember it as clear as day, even looking as a spectator at my past, I used people. The questions then arose, as of late whenever I seemed to encounter an ex in social media, when I used it, or someone from my past that was significant in my life surfaced. I would occasionally tell others I posted whatever came to mind but a sick joke played out, I partially told half truths.

How are you supposed to react? We’re told we are to hate those who held our hearts and only think about ourselves. Show the other person that we’ve grown and are different. It’s funny, what the world considers normal for the most part, I detest. I cannot hate the people in the past, each person was a lesson and allowed me to grow. Yet, amidst it all, I saw that what I would post or reveal was not of good intent, for the most part, a good sum. I wanted to capture an attention instead of being true to myself.

I’m 26 now, I’ve much to learn still and as well I have learned a significant amount in my life. It is better to speak honestly and reveal what is within, in its purest of forms, rather than succumb to a false identity. I have nothing to prove to anyone. God knows me for who I am and what I write or how I act truly reveal my heart. I’m not a saint and though young, I have fully dedicated my life to God. Be it what it may become in the future, I’m satisfied in knowing the choices I am making now will allow me to grow and I don’t regret the past. 

I usually tell my friends I am cursed, my best friends know that if I love, I love for life. I cannot explain it really, I just know that I don’t have room to hate anyone. I can’t. I can be angry for a moment but I cannot hold to the state of mind for long. Everything truly comes from within. Who we are and what we aspire is led by what overflows. For me it is God and His love now fills me so in turn I am shifting in mindset. I don’t need the common trends or the culture that is promoted in the world. Do I have to post about positivity all the time? Discuss the problems of the world 24/7 or even politics to get views or likes? Must I post pictures of having “fun” only to be seen as living life? Of course not, I’m already living life and to the fullest in Christ. 

It amazes me when people ask about my past and now I openly discuss it as if they would understand. From studying magick to discussing my research in the occult, conspiracies and etc. I share my testimony in light to help people become enlightened to the dangers of it all. I genuinely now speak from the heart and that is what has to be understood. We think we are using logic or even fancy tricks, do this and you can get this but why not just be purely yourself and whoever accepts you, will walk besides you.

I honestly don’t know what will happen to my blog in a year or so, as it is written in the about me, this is my views of life and how I experience it. I do intend to motivate others and share my stories, poems and etc but as well, it is all a revelation that we are each human beings and feel. It is ultimately my purpose to answer my calling, call to others and lead in what way I can, it is to help people. Look within yourself and ask yourself the simple question, why do you do things, look within and from within, let your light shine.

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