Last Will

By the time you read this, I will be dead. A story still written though finds its end. A passing memory of yesterday. I am ever changing and must put to death my history. Yet would you care about who I was or hold emotions as an act to play a part of my heart. A piece given to all I love yet your words hold no shelter. Your body acts as a way to keep warm but your exterior reveals the cold shell. So quick to respond now as my parting words reveal I would never be seen or heard from again. Yet it is not my soul that dies but this vessel that has held the pressure and tides in times of trouble. 

My last will, What would it be? I thought about opening this up with a poem. It is to give insight into what I commonly see amongst people who pass away. It makes me wonder what would happen if someone was to come across my journal. All secrets and thoughts written out and shown to the world. Peeled layers far deeper than my blog posts. In itself, my journal is who I am in the rawest of forms. Yet, can I just state what comes to mind in my head right now? What would be the parting words to those I love or just someone in the future. At times I think about my journal one day being used as was Anne Frank or the known authors of the past. So I will write as if these were my parting words:

What can be said about life? Laid out by men and women who claim to have things in order and find themselves lost trying to organize their life in schedules. What should I leave in my stead but a message to all, not just thoughs that I hold dear. 

Time cannot be rushed or forgotten but presently used and lived upon. Learn to breathe. That job isn’t going anywhere or the world is suddenly going to stop spinning. Learn to accept the passing times and embrace the coming future but don’t spend your time worrying about either. 

Love, never to be mistaken for lust, transcends all notions of men. Love is beyond time and beyond any complications. If you find it, hold dear to it, to them. Their will always be one. Though it may be written as if it is a fantasy, true love at times may appear as a tragedy. Forever is marked as an eternal promise and yet you never truly know when it will end. But this does not mean you surrender to your doubts or what others tell you. Love, fight for it because true love is action and ultimately a sacrifice. Never spend your time in torment wondering what ifs when your love is waiting. We are plagued by what to do and how to act and all I can say is to reveal your heart. If It is not returned then learn to have self respect, respect the other, and learn your value as well. There is not “the one” except for that person you are with or cannot see yourself live without, at times it can be in the form of a friendship. I have loved and honestly, one needs to grow first and love one’s self before you involve another. Even so, another will not grant you happiness, nor are they entitled to give you anything. 

Dreams are just that. Awake to the reality that you must pursue what you envision, the goals you set. Never set a big goal and expect to accomplish it right away. Divide it or see it as steps and learn to walk up those steps and grow along the process.

God ultimately will be by your side even during your dying breath. Even if you don’t believe in Him. He shall always be beside you and help you along the way, trying to guide you to become a better version of yourself. 

I leave you all with this, remember me not for who I was trying to be but who I was, who I became. My actions reveal my heart and my words reveal my thoughts.

Now. With that being all written out I hooe to have people ponder about life. These aren’t subjects I’ve ignored but what I discuss frequently to help others understand and for now I seem to go by seasons or lessons. I am not dying physically or planning to die, I am dying mentally though. Who I am today will die when it becomes tomorrow. I won’t stop changing.

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