Hard Decisions

Customers chatters echoed over the music. I found myself lost in a train of thought as my boss kept calling my name. We were switching shifts and it was her turn to be the M.O.D-manager on duty. Scanning my surroundings I found that I didn’t fit in, I felt a tug on my chest as it hit me. It wasn’t just where I was at in the moment, my job, but where I was in life. It is like I’m looking at a hallway and the gates have locks and I have the keys to some but end result is to reach the end.

I’ve heard and keep hearing what occurs to individuals as they have a mid life crisis. It was at 25 that my life truly shifted to who I am now. Now at 26, it seems to hit me even harder that the choices I make, no matter how small, impact my life on a greater scale. 

I am a writer, this is now apparent, with the countless of artciles, and entries into this blog. I wouldn’t call myself the best and I understand that I have a lot to learn. I didn’t participate in NanoWrimo this year and with the completion of one of my books which I will release through Amazon, I keep seeing myself progress, slowly. 

I’m really not anxious about my future as much as I was a hear ago. Life has taken a lot of turns and the lessons I’ve learned allowed me to make critical decisions. Today, after much debate with myself, another choice was made. 

*drum rolls*
What could it be? Well, this may shock anyone that has been following my life since the start but I’m dropping out of college. Shocking. After all the talk about me finally going, I know it can seem surprising. I was going to major in biblical studies. But it isn’t for the reasons that seem to implement something is wrong with me or my life.

School has helped me realize a lot of things and helped me learn/taught me to get closer to God through an academic level. Knowledge by way of studying and getting closer to the word. I’m grateful for all my professors as well as my former classmates. Though all interactions have been online, I still am grateful.

The reality is not that I couldn’t pay for it or that I was bored of it all-I love to love. My understanding of it all or conclusion is that, for the moment, I don’t need it. I’ve noticed that most of what I learned, I already self taught myself by going to libraries and reading, talking to people, and living life. As a writer, I as well know that I don’t need a degree but the benefits of the classes, English and etc, is beneficial. The only true practice I have is writing everyday and reading. Beyond all of this, I will still attend workshops and if there are classes that are free somewhere, to help better my craft, I shall take them, when I could. I don’t intend to demotivate someone who is going to school or wants to go, college/university, is awesome and there are places, especially in the state that will not hire you without a degree. But like I’ve said, for now, it is not for me.

I tend to make very hard decisions and stick to it. When I don’t follow through and tend to hold on to something, it conflicts with my life. I’ve seen it happen with social media, every time I quit and find myself “back” due to staying in touch with people, I find myself contemplating my choices. People know that when I make a choice, I stick to it. Such is the case with all my recent decisions. I’ve invested more time growing as a writer because I know this is what I love to do, want to do, and Who I am. Just because I don’t go to school anymore or am “active” online doesn’t mean that I will not put in 100% into everything I do.

I currently live in Florida, though I love the weather, I also know as well this isn’t for me. From this day forward I will work to move. Now before someone gets technical and asks how will I do so without a job, if I don’t go to school and get a degree? I’ve been a manager now for about 7-8 years, I have a decent resume so it is not like I don’t have experience. I did manage before to freelance as a graphic designer and go to a tech school for it. I’m not making dumb choices, I make sure I analyze and then implement with sound reason before I initiate. I do take risks but from it all, I learn and grow. Just as I advice others, if you ever come faces with what to do, where to go, really look into your life, don’t be afraid and go for it but be sound about it. Be blessed all.

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