Sleep is an escape from life…
I’ve heard the joyous rewards that sleep brings to the table. I’ve heard parents and friends complain about the lack of sleep in their lives. The great inner world we allow ourselves to dwell within. Where dreams manifest and rest seems to finally come upon weary bodies.
When I was studying various things in the occult and magick, I found myself drawn to the world of my dreams. I longed to sleep but not find rest but to learn and grow, find peace. I spent hours researching and practicing techniques to accomplish lucid dreaming. It was quite a feat when I first discovered that I had the abilities to control dreams. The downside to it all was that I was now hooked. Dreams and sleep became a drug to me. I longed to be asleep and so I began to lose sight of life.
The year’s stretched and now I am here awake. I have a hard time falling asleep. I actually prefer now that I would have the ability not to need sleep. I know those with insomnia must hate me but understand that I also suffer from different forms of insomnia. Ocd does, in fact, affect how I sleep. I know some people may be wondering why didn’t it affect me before, simple, it did but in different ways, sleep used to be what caused me to ease away from my anxiety.
I find that my time could be used to accomplish many things. I find myself dreading going to sleep only to feel like crap and then the cycle reports. I either don’t get enough sleep or I sleep “long” but consistently wake up looking at the clock. I don’t know what to do anymore and it is becoming a nuisance.
Here I am, 4 am eastern time and I am writing and not wanting to sleep because I want to write or draw. I used to joke around km the past and say that sleep is for the weak. Yet I know I can reach those days where I am so tired I want to rest but my mind overrides my body. What can be said?
All once can wish for is to dream the little dream and awaken to a new day and find rest when we dream. One day I will find that balance and sleep away to the world of infinite possibilities.