Late Night Entry #2

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Breathe in.

Breathe out.

I’ve begun to allow myself to just feel everything. For a good portion of my life I was very good at letting things slide off. I used to hold everything in as well and push it to the side, mentally. I was good at just acting the part of caring for things or acting like I had no emotion or even that I had a lot of emotions.

The reality is all too real as I see the man that stares back in the reflection. I’m not the same human being I once was. It has gotten harder to connect with people, I no longer feel the empathy I once had, there are times where I have to remember that I need to literally care. Is it humanly possible to just become numb to everything around you because of everything crashing in your life?

They say that life gets easier the more you grow from your experiences though, I guess only time will tell.

It is harder to focus but I could feel that my plate is full and it is becoming harder to balance some things. Some people from my past would tell me to just rely and pray to God, but how can I when in reality I can no longer fully grasp that which I don’t fully believe anymore?

I keep changing and I don’t know what will come out in the end. The truth is, this world feels newer, I don’t know what is going on but I have been on autopilot waiting til I find a sense of control.

But this is what brings me to writing this today. I need to just let it all in and actually embrace it. Breathe it all in and then eventually be able to breathe it out.

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