I Refuse

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I refuse to apologize for my state. Consuming tides seen blistering in storms, heated from shores to shores. Wait. Step back. Let me reiterate, illustrate. Not to confuse you with land but a man. Where sands of time flow through the cracks of his mind. I’m not the Florida man. But though I see the palms sway, I see my own interlaced with the tips of my fingers pointing to the setting sun. Life’s a beach or so they say. But I’ve complained and tried to find sorry in waves. Trying to explain that no matter whether or not, I will find paradise. So here I am, tired of the apologies offered. As if all that I valued were gods before me, judging who I am. So now I refuse. Refuse to bear witness to atrocities many conform. Refuse to let the opinions of others define my sex drive. Yes, it’s always in 6th gear, never shifting and awaiting to park. I refuse to disrupt my actions to say, I’m sorry, I was worried about what would happen. I refuse to apologize about my mental state. Call me fat and I would add a ph, emphasized and resized to fit a notion within your brain. Step back, this time in time when a boy became a man. Wandering the nights alone without a home. Jumping in time to find pieces of mind trying to find single peace of mind. Heartbroken. Shaken. Stolen. Now come to the present. See this man defined by signs of potential. Limits never are drawn because abilities are beyond, endless. Infinite love displayed. Sharing in complete honesty. No more puzzled, jumbled thoughts with motions finding proper emotion. The state has come in union. And though the mind replays and sways with a chemical imbalance, OCD does not define me. For that, I will hold my apologies, I refuse.

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