Imagine staring at you reflection for hours just to see the brokenness wasn’t the mirror but yourself. You begin to put the pieces in their proper place. But it still has cracks you would think? It may, but these cracks no longer define you.
I’ve spent a good portion of my life looking out and an even greater time looking within. Battling my demons and trying to understand all that transpired in the past. I’ve set for myself a path of where I would like to be in the future. This now leaves the present, a distorted view based on the constant turmoil raging inside. But it has ceased.
It took days, weeks, months to understand who I was after my last relationship. I remember writing daily to help cope with such a loss. I remember changing how I looked, how I sounded, trying to find a new identity. This was always the case, I would try to find or build a “new” me.
I’m not new. I can’t be rebooted and contrary to whatever people say, you can’t change overnight. Change takes time and even when you have changed something about you before, it is still you, you just have learned from the previous experience. This is what is happening to me.
I can’t take back the things I said, did or even thought. Hell, even if I wish things were different, they will never be ever again. Time moves forward and I have fully accepted it. I may have tried to cope in such foolish notions but in the end, who I am today and who I will be tomorrow is reflected by what I can see staring back at myself. Who am I?
I remember when I first made my tag name, my gamer tag, my pen name, they were all someone else, a part of me, but not the real me. We pick names on social media and present ourselves and yet no one can truly see the real you. The you that project to others and that other people can see. This is what I bring to the table today, who are you?
I’ve fought with myself for years trying to understand why I faced my own demons or was restless in my own skin. Yet, I can’t keep blaming myself, I can only evolve and be met with the confidence in who I am. I am still young, many years to come. Though I may not see who will be till the time comes, I know that who I am now is no longer broken, looking for his identity. I am me.