The water bounces off my skin. I look on as each drop hits and spreads apart. I see people running away and screaming because of the downpour. I don’t mind the water. I look on and wonder what exactly is going on around me. I feel a sense of longing I haven’t felt for some time, not of peace but desire to grow.
The past few months I could say that I wasn’t completely myself. I look back and see that I was struggling with a lot in my life. The recent job switch also kept me in a daze with my schedule shifting from all kinds of hours. It wasn’t till recent when I was taking a shower and my whole life flashed before my life. Something kept repeating in my mind, “own up to it”.
For the longest time, I remember when I saw myself as a victim. My mother, being the narcissist she is and the various toxic relationships around me, I kept saying I was the ” victim”. I spent a good portion of my life pointing fingers at others when as well, I should have been pointing some back at me.
Nobody is perfect. I remember when I made a major shift in my life, views, and etc from the last relationship I was in. I began to see that not everything about me was good, but it helped me see that I as well know my worth now.
It is interesting to note many things as we mature in life. We begin to see that actions speak louder than words and that words held with true heartfelt intentions could breed action as well. It is quite remarkable. I experienced an awakening I haven’t fully experienced. For the longest time, I kept saying it wasn’t my fault, my past, but as well, a lot of the things that transpired in my life was because of me. My notions of being bombarded by such erratic beliefs, they were my choices to follow and in turn created a weak-minded individual. Now here I stand. Though I was broken in the past, I am still rebuilding. I watch those around me carefully, I love with not only a true desire but an open heart. I look at things to observe, understand, become captivated by it and speak with honesty. I am human.
The complexities of what it is to be human continue to intrigue me. I find the art in the simplest of things. Life is poetry in motion. Beauty all around. We all see that we are defined by our choices, this is true to some extent. I believe we are defined by what we allow manifest in our lives based upon the choices. We can either let our lives be dictated to a set of rules or let our lives flow in such a way that we find the meaning to it all by experiencing it to the fullest. All I can truly say is that we hide in the shadows of our own success, failures, and etc instead of taking it all in and finding who we are. In the end, we are human and in that, we are unique.