I’ve found that a good portion of our lives is spent within our minds. Not a day goes by where we are not in our heads. We contemplate the world around us. The situations we face are fluttering around and caught by our emotions. We remain locked in what feels to be an eternal struggle, a prison, as we are to properly describe it. In reality, we sometimes forget about how complex it really all is. We think and there for we are, or so the saying goes.
I’m writing this now after having a rough night where I spent a good portion thinking. Thinking about the future and what could be, thinking about the past and wondering what went wrong, thinking about the present, now. This frail body that can easily be damaged, controlled by such a remarkable computer system of nerves, interlocked by the thoughts, chemicals working together to form ideas, feelings, and etc. Even with all of that said, I’ve learned that we do truly need time to recollect our thoughts and not just keep them locked away. We can spend hours thinking about things but our life is meant to be felt, lived, and we cannot fully do that while we continue to let what is inside dictate us from experiencing.
I feel as if this reminds me of that time I wrote about being happy. Happiness is a choice, not something that will come about based on the external. Though it is true that there are things that will and could bring us to a sense of happiness, we decide if we will let us come to that sense of joy. That being said, Life is meant to be lived. With the wisdom and knowledge we have obtained, we allow ourselves to learn, choose the possible choice and move forward.
There will be many situations that would cause us to retreat to our thoughts. We find solace at times in our minds, we build walls, allowing others to only perceive what we let them. I write about this because I was always keen in doing this. Yes, it can be a factor based upon my OCD, but I knew because of all the trauma I faced as a child and growing up, I had to also live outside of my mind. I wanted to always play things safe for a time. I was broken and I was emotionally abused in toxic relationships from all sides. I was seen as the villain to some and for the longest I believed it to be true, from narcissistic parents, to exes, to even myself, I thought I was a monster because of who I was.
One thing we so easily take for granted is the power we have in ourselves. Not only are we able to accomplish what we set ourselves to achieve, but we are also capable of being our own hindrance. We can easily be our biggest handicap. It is always easy to play it safe and like I said, the safest place at times is within ourselves, but it can also be the most dangerous. True growth I find is found when we do what is contrary to what we desire, in essence I don’t mean the wrong, but something that will teach you and help you grow. For example, you might be scared to say no to your parents for once, after helping them for so long, they may even guilt trip you, as is the case with my own. But you need to understand that you are not responsible for making their successes, be it financially or emotionally, we are all adults, or are growing to be one. We all grow and learn, we are not meant to be dependable to each other, but be supportive and help each other grow.
There are many underlying things that can cause our minds to be in constant turmoil but that is why I know now how many great teachers spoke about finding truth and peace within. We can lose a part of ourselves by keeping it in. We can remain just as a shell if we keep hiding in one. Our minds are meant to be explored, upgraded, keep in the surge of life, and thought we are constantly at war within ourselves, we need to learn to find peace. For me, writing is a great therapy, such as music, art, and etc. Whatever it may be, let yourself open up and let your mind experience life. We are not meant to simulate it in thoughts, what ifs, for all our waking life, it is time to dream while being awake.