Now, before anyone runs for the hills I just wanted to give my experience about the topic at hand. Relationships. We all have experienced it one way or the other. Some of us are still searching for our “perfect” person. But I noticed a lot of things that seem to be “wrong” with the way it is now.
Hear me out, relationships have changed in this day and age, but I also believe that some people seem to have the wrong impression about somethings. I speak or write as a heterosexual male and as someone writing about intimate relationships. So let’s just see what Geeology has to say, shall we?
1. There is no such thing as the perfect person
We all have flaws. Knowing that one isn’t perfect and that the other person isn’t as well, makes the experience better. We all falter, we make mistakes, and no matter what you may try to do, no one is going to remain the same. People change throughout the relationship. Fun fact, you never just fall in love with the same person, you keep falling in love, in most cases. You’re not perfect so never expect someone else to be.
You can have a laundry list of ideas on how that special person should be but people will never live up to it. Even if you find someone ideal, they will change my experience and etc. Learn to not only accept themselves but be confident in who you are as well.
2. Learn the difference between infatuation and love
We all get it confused, especially as kids. We see a celebrity with our teenage hormones and are amazed. We “love” them. Crushes. The list goes on. Love is much more than feelings. I do truly believe that love is built on a firm foundation of trust, respect, and add a dash of feelings. It truly can be seen as chemicals in our brains but it is defined by actions and choices.
We choose to love and be with someone. Same as we can either “fall” out of it or keep fighting for it. I do believe attraction is still there but attraction grows more than the physical aspect of it to more of characteristics of a person. That is why you have people chasing sex and in turn, see people as a means to an end. They also become selfish within infatuation and with true love, they rather give than receive but it isn’t bad to want, just don’t become enthralled by it.
3. This isn’t fantasy
You will not ride out into the sunset and it will all be happily ever after. They never show you what happens after the credit scene. Did snow white and prince charming continue to be happy? Was prince charming still charming?
It can all appear like bliss. The honeymoon phase fades away after away and you begin to see the true person. Remember those corny jokes you didn’t mind? Well, now every time they are said you groan.
You both will be faced with many issues and choices in life. The reality is that it is a team effort. You both make choices and work together. We have been pounded into believing the man has to lead always, sometimes the woman takes charge and etc. Other times you both work to slay those dragons (going to the store at 5 pm with bad traffic, just for food or diapers)
Fun fact as well, not everyone wants to have grand plans of marriage, kids, and etc. Some people just want to be with someone and live life, following their dreams and purpose.
4. Stop playing games
What do I mean by “games”? I’m not talking about fortnite or WoW. I’m talking about trying to have these immature games as if the dating world is comprised of a set of rules. People are different and no one experience can equate to another.
I spoke about it briefly, the alpha male. There is no such thing as the alpha male. No sure, men were always known to be leaders. But this whole bravado and the macho act was only made popular in the last few decades. There is no such thing as being the alpha, sorry wolf fans. Even the person who wrote about the term and its use corrected it. It is about being mature.
There are times when you can have fun with your significant other. You can even play games. Flirt. Go on adventures. The list goes on. What I am tired of seeing or hearing about is the whole, when can I text back? Why haven’t they responded? If I do this, they will do that!
Now, I know there have been “experts” who can break things down. They see what works with some people but as I said, everyone is different. Take my experience, I don’t like texting a lot. I prefer talking face to face or call. This doesn’t mean I won’t text my girlfriend. She also is not much of a texter but gets either one of us on a subject and we can write paragraphs.
I strongly feel like we have to be mature about things and just talk to the other person. Be honest. Now, you can be mysterious, whatever, but don’t forget to be yourself. Once the honeymoon phase fades out, that’s when the real love is tested.
5. Don’t forget to take time out for yourself
We are talking about relationships but I feel like this is key as well. Just because you are with someone doesn’t mean you forget about yourself. You have needs too and I’m not referring to sexual needs either. I’m talking about spending time doing the things you love. Go spend time with friends, family, yourself.
People think it’s weird but if I want to do something and my girlfriend is not in the mood, guess where I’m going, to do what I wanted to do. Now, of course, this follows the whole trust and respect of the whole relationship. You shouldn’t be so in focused on yourself that you forget about the other. But you need those moments to continue being confident in who you are.
Being confident in who you are is a key thing in being in a relationship. It is always important to see your value. Other people can respect that and if they are not abusive will hold to that. You should be able to know what you like and don’t like. Being in a relationship can help you explore new things but also you should explore yourself to see.
6. Communication is key
I’ve been saying a lot of things are key but a relationship is like a long hallway. You both work to open the door and move on in life. This being the case, as a team, you must communicate.
Remember staying up and talking or texting? Snap chat, Instagram, Facebook, whatever medium of choice to talk to that person, well, it doesn’t stop. You got through the whole introduction but now the main story begins. Remember when I said to stop playing games, well, talk to the other person and see what is going on their head. We are not psychics and the truth is that no matter what you read, see, about relationships, you can’t assume what the other person is thinking.
I feel like communication is huge when it comes to relationships. You have the love, the truth, respect, but that can only be truly achieved because of communication. We so easily close ourselves out. Some of us have been hurt before and we don’t want to share our feelings or thoughts. But how can the other person know what is wrong? Please, just please, talk to one another.
A relationship is truly built upon a lot of things. I may be perceived as young, I am nearing my 30s now being 28. I may never have been married but I am writing based upon my experiences and all that I’ve gathered. I’ve read countless books about relationships, love, people, and you never stop learning. But I can say this, if you’re not In a relationship, keep working on yourself and learn to enjoy your own company. Build relationships with people as friends and yourself until you find that person you wish to spend your time with. Never forget that though we say that we fall in love, love truly builds us up, we rise in love, it changes us. From your neighborhood friendly blogger, this is Gee_ology signing out.