Everyone wants to be “okay”.
What does that even mean? People come up to you saying that everything will be. When things don’t go your way or continue spiraling down, all you hear is people saying, “I’ll be there for you” or “I’ll say a prayer for you”. Well, everything may not be okay and guess what? That’s okay.
This past year has been a pivotal undertaking in who I am as a person. I’ve come face to face with the reality of who I am, my environment, and those around me. My perception of the world has changed and my beliefs. I’ve lost friends, I’ve cut out people who claimed to be friends. I believe I’ve grown to be more observant, relishing in my solitude.
No matter what situation has come to tackle my life, I manage to pull through. It does seem like life is always trying to bring you down but I know that my choices determine my outcome. You could practically do a 180 and see how different life can be at any given moment.
Let’s be honest, no one is a saint and no one is a true devil. We are people, our own kind of monster or animal. You may never win the lotto no matter how much you spend in your lifetime. You may never get that job promotion. But guess what, it could happen as well.
I dont believe in luck, fate, or destiny. I don’t believe in soulmates and I will say that I dont believe in love at first sight. I’m not going to look at the stars or signs to predict my future. I’m going to use what I have now and work with it.
A key thing in me writing this post is that we are all just trying to survive. We all have our demons. We pretend that everything is great and yet worry about tomorrow. You have people caught thinking you should always be happy, positive, and etc and it brings more harm than good. We are on the rise of depression and anxiety because guess what, as a race, the human race, we’re not ok. We need to stop denying we don’t have problems or even thinking we can’t get out of them.
There are those who genuinely do care about you, surround yourself with those people. Shit does in fact happen but it isn’t the end of the world, push through. I’ve been homeless, struggled financially, been cheated on, lied to, fights, and etc, the list goes on and I know things get tough. I accept that I may not be okay, hell, my OCD practically determines my mood for the day. But it’s okay, it’s okay to not be okay. The moment you acknowledge this you’ll know there are problems and a will to fix it. If there is one thing I can leave you with, even if you never read another word from me it’s this, life goes on, keep pushing.