It seems I have to remind myself to breathe as of late. I’ve learned how easily it is to blame life. We spend our lives saying that “life” is hard. The reality is life is life, it flows and depending in what we experiencd within it, determines our view of it or perception.
I used to say that my life was always a struggle. I experienced many things that one’s head would turn or even walk the other way if they knew what I did. Yet I’ve learned that no matter what I do or have done, life goes on. Life goes on. Just saying that brings the reality of the world around you. How we follow vain pursuits and spend our lives.
This isnt to give hope or to teach something but to help people understand something, our life is short. Take time to see what you are truly living for. If it will all sink you to the bottom of the river of life or help you keep with the current. If you are just existing and not living.
Hmm…it would seem as of late I have had a couple of problems that vex me. You could say it is a collection of the trivial ordeals I have swept away before. I’ve tried to “keep up” with the times, yet it is always a puzzle to me why I can’t really stay focused. I’ve undergone my own versions of a digital purge, erasing any ounce of existence to the very pixels on a screen, in the “web”. I would like to think that once one is snared or caught, there really is no escaping.
Now, I’m not one to simply give up or become stuck when an issue presents itself. I’ve had to learn and grow as I continue on in life. Every step I take leads me to a better understanding of what I must do. Such was the case when I decided to hop back on social media, to help me network and promote my blog or my work. Yet again the attacks are made on my conscious and I’m plagued with a feeling of losing myself.
As of late I have also not been in my best shape. It seems that I seem a bit “off”. Only my best friends seem to notice that I have detoured. It could all come down to what is really going on in my heart. A major shifting of times with my thoughts being the vehicle, riding the oceans of emotions. I seem a bit, confused. I can’t really make it all come together with words yet I write about it so it doesn’t crowd my mind and cause me constant unrest.
I know a lot of us feel it from time to time but just because we do doesn’t mean we can let it win. I got one will do what is necessary and push on. For the moment I have stepped away from the digital world in regards to social media to breathe, gain my focus. It is easy to be caught up in drama, pointless posts, funny memes, memories, pictures, and promotions/marketing. Granted it is needed at times to just let yourself be known and seen, but as well, I need to know or find a balance and not become lost in such vain pursuits and allow my stories to truly be shared. These are my opinions. As Well, to properly write I need to allow myself to bleed more and not become hindered by affairs of the world that will lead me astray. The choices I make now or am making, affect who I will become but let tomorrow come on its own as I work for today.
After discussing matters in my life with my dear friend, I know I must allow myself to keep moving forward, to let God take control. It is easy to say certain things but I also want my actions to speak for themselves. I don’t want to find myself thinking about my ex ever since I saw her on Facebook or even the fact of spending hours distracted looking through an Instagram feed. I want to be focused, just as I write on here, producing continuous sets of wordings that touch others, revealing who I am, the worlds ready to be revealed and the poetry that sings to the hearts of men.
Glowing face, fully reflecting light.
Hanging by chords struck by heaven’s roars.
Down pour of a soul amidst the storm.
Surrounded by splendor yet orbiting a world not his own.
Controlling waves and shifting of tides.
Clouded memories strolling in time.
Waiting beside the gravity in darkness for a simple hello.
Losing himself as he holds his phone awaiting the call.
Just another night, a phase of the moon.
I can remember the words spoken to me by my 11th grade English teacher, “You have such a potential…keep writing.”. I never knew those words would burn into my soul in those quiet nights where I truly felt alone.
I’ve spoken before how writing has changed me. Countless hours sitting in front of a screen pouring my soul out. I never understood why or how writer’s managed to feel such connection with their characters til now. Why every story felt so real or how you would cry by emotions, script, plays. Every word was and is a piece of them, each stroke of the keys or pen, blood or parts of their soul.
It is mind boggling to me how much I’ve grown as a writer as well. It will be a year in a few weeks since I radically changed my life. I remember starting this blog and thinking, this will be fun, people will read and get to understand me. Granted, I don’t really know how to run one but I just write and share my ideas, life, poetry, stories and ultimately about God.
It is a continuous journey for me. I love writing and coming to terms with it being a career choice is enlightening. Writing has helped escape and truly embrace what I’m going through. This is more so just sharing my thoughts about it. They say a writer’s life is lonely and I can see that happen.
As well, I like to thank anyone who will read this. I may get busy at times and disappear for a week but I will not let anything else stop me from pursuing my goals as a writer. To those who have read my ramblings of my ex, my puns, my mind at work, Thank you. Continue to watch me grow. Be blessed.
My Eve….though in the past I was pursuing musings I thought would fill my need. Conceived by notions that all I had to do was sleep. Yes, beside a body not of my own, though the warmth touches my soul. Sensing the senses mentioning I feel this person is my own. But there they go. Rejections met with objections from those turning away as clung to attention. Returning to cold heart, shattered and bruised as I faced my imperfection. Where am I to go? Hearing poets speak with ease how another is home. Hearing players take shots and pass balls, in mention of the game, I guess I didnt properly play, so I became cheated on. Funny, how I would see them pick up and I trail her, though they let go. So I began to wonder, was the problem me….me…the man who spoke eloquent words and rumored to have a count that doubled palms? Not realizing that I became an image that I could no longer recognize. Skies shifting and my narcissism became revealing, yelling out, surprise, we’re victims. But no, wait….love…yes, no, no, yes, respect? Trust? Time? Change? Balance? Chasing after an idea with no clear direction until love was truly found. Did I stop and become consumed? Sounds escaping my lips trying to form words with a heart that skips. Beginning to see the focus, I turned to promises of today and tomorrow remaining its own. Running the race in wait, seeing you slip past me in haste, I pursue you to walk hand in hand. Forgive me for not catching up to you before. But my dear, you are worth the wait. See me as a man, filled with flaws and love, Rooted in the rock, let us grow.
Hey, how are you? Remember when we weren’t as strangers? Life has a funny way of giving us different paths to take. I remember the nights spent talking about our dreams and future. Who would of known we would drift apart? Yet, amidst the distance, I hold you close and merely speak with an open heart, I’m sorry for who I was and what I did. I didn’t know who I was before and now, I am but a man, sure of himself and continuously surviving in this world. I merely ask the best for you from my Father, to keep you in his sight and arms. I am still here if you wish to speak to me. I did not leave based on empty promises, my love stands beyond time. Find me here oh friend and know nothing shall keep me. I write now, through poetry and eloquently, crafted words that bleed on screens or paper. Through these words may it one day reach you. I ask not not forgiveness, your reasons are your own. Just know I will never forget the mark you left upon my soul. But wait, you’ve never really left…now I understand when they say true love never dies…and so I shall run the race and await to hopefully know you made it to the other side.
Sincerely, your friend
just words I wish I could write….
Why should one walk life without knowing what is love? For there may be those who can walk such a path with restraint and control but I know my heart has been made for more. It is not that I have more to attain and others are any less. I speak about it within a new light, love. I have always been difficult, hard to understand, yet love has always tried to surround who I was.
I understand it by diving within the oceans of its mystery I would rather drown than gently caress the surface. To love is to be human, the purest we could ever be if it is founded in the deepest of levels. To copy this world and remain cold is but an offense to love.
I rather let the fire consume me and the passion to pour out, overflowing another. Lest I be in vain trivialities or frivolous journeys, my heart and soul are of sound mind when I am in love. My reward is of no concern as the treasure before me holds its beauty and value on its own. So I rather love than be just a soulless mortal; where even beyond eternity love shall forever remain.