Category Archives: god

Choices In Fate

We’ve heard the sayings ringing out like a choir performing an epic verse to a song, “If it’s meant to be, it will be” or even, “whatever is yours will find its way to you.”. The believers of fate proclaiming that fate drives us all to a predestined plan set in motion since the beginning of time. Others, who hold to a kore skeptical belief, swear we make our own destiny and fate, choosing the choices we make in life.

I will be honest in stating that I used to believe in fate. There were moments when I believed in luck but as my years have advanced, I know that for the most part, we choose our choices and life. Now this does not mean I’m a skeptical to a grand plan set by God. I have stated it before that I am a believer. I just know that things don’t just happen or that. Now sure, I can say that God has a plan for me and I can abide in His will, I also know I can choose to follow my own path.

I was recently discussing this with my girlfriend about how we can say that it was “fate” but in the reality is, we never truly know. I could have chosen 20 different paths or choices that would have had me working somewhere else or not even being able to meet her, for instance. I am not defined by where I am now but ultimately where I choose to be or do.

Ive heard and seen people get depressed or become anxious because they have stated that they are fated for greatness, everyone wants to be a star and yet never realize their own potential or limitations. Not everyone will be an entrepreneur, unlike what society teaches now. People are a collective that each, individually, come together to help us all come as a whole to what we call society. People that bag pur food, collect trash, teach our children, help maintain electricity to the city and etc.

I believe that fate is not essentially what the movies or people have claimed it to be. I feel like fate is but a word only when it is used in focus of the self, placing yourself as the god of your own world, an idol. Now I do believe, God will place certain people and situations but ultimately it is our choice to decide what we do when presented, this is in no way associated with salvation but in life. I still hold to the reformed mindset that we are saved by grace through faith but that faith is given to us when our hearts are opened, but this is my understanding of scripture. As the rest goes, I feel like we lose focus of the grand scheme, it is not about us, let fate to and live your life to the fullest and you will find the life that have pictured wouof be destiny.

Soaring Heart

I don’t know why people think I’m so cold. Is it because I speak from a broken soul? But what if I told you it has been restored and I simply want to see the world burn? Would you think I was mad and never come close? Would you think I have gotten to this state alone? Maybe I’m just trying to reignite the passion we all yearn. The light amidst the darkness, from which we are born. Lessons learned, so if you remember me, start to lose those memories. Begin to see life and change beyond reveries. Mystery of what was in the shadows, the unknown. Photo exposed, revealing one who grew a backbone and gained control. So now if you test me, just know where I stand. An imperfect man who is warmed. Soaring heart in where only in the Heavens I burn.

Love Is In The Air

I cannot fully recall how focused I was in finding a true sense of being loved. I’m not saying all of this because I’m in a relationship now or I’m thrown through every facet of love, confessing it to the world. Yesterday was Valentine’s day and beyond any notion I once held, I found myself drawn to the holiday that I once fought against.

It wasn’t for any particular reason really. I was not consumed by consumerism and that I “had” to get my girlfriend a gift-she isn’t even like that. I just was caught in the sense of what it means to truly spend time with someone.

After work, we hung out by getting something to eat, nothing extremely fancy and not even what people consider an “epic” date. It was more so, just peaceful. Time ceased to exist and for the most part, it was as we joke about, it felt like a scene from a movie.

I feel like we have lost the sense of what love or caring for someone actually means. We are quick to ask the questions, what will I gain from this, as if thr other person owes us. I spend my days fighting my anxiety when the questions arise, will I hurt her? But this is the biggest problem we face, we don’t know the outcome of any relationship or even in a broader spectrum, event.

We can spend years trying to figure out what “works” in marriages or for couples but everyone is different. Love cannot be measured or described to its entirety by human minds for we can only grab a glimpse of what love actually is. I can say that love has always been seen and defined by God, but to truly grasp that, one has to come to the revelation of Him.

I have spent a good portion of my life beating myself up about love, intimacy, caring, and etc. I sacrificed a lot but ultimately I saw that I was selfish. When it came down actually meeting someone I trusted and understood me to the minimalist of details, I truly opened up. This is where I am now, just another human being trying to act tough, be independent and unique when I am better off being weak in the sense that I am strong doing so, by showing emotions, by coming together not only with someone I care about but others, that in my uniqueness I can help others. To love and be loved is the greatest gift you can ever experience.

Don’t let a day or occasion define a moment or experience, don’t let commitments be drawn only by promises of a dated time. Love entirely or do not love at all. To love is not just what we have defined-infatuation, lust, sex-it transcends much more than this. Love by forgiving, love by changing, love by sacrificing, love by not only loving yourself but loving others as you would like to be loved, truly love and care.

I may sound like a broken record at times but I have learned in the few years I have on this planet, that love supersedes any amount of knowledge or wisdom I have gained. Gee_ology signing out.

Each Breath

You never truly notice each breath you take. Now sure, you reading this, start to count and observe each passing breath. The air that fills your lungs or escapes your body continues without your full attention.

Let’s step back for a moment and begin to see the intricacy of life. Without all the weighted perception or distractions thrown at us, we see the complexity. With all of this said, life shows us that even without our full focus, it continues.

I’ve tried to mask my feelings before in a variety of ways, work, art, and etc. Amidst the turmoil I would either ignore, push to the side, or try to disregard, until I was ready to face them, life would continue. This whole realization that each passing breath was more than my body functioning as intended, I saw it as the reality, we are truly alive.

It shouldn’t come as a shock, we are born, do this or that, you can insert a blank, life doesn’t stop because someone dies. Each breath reveals the struggles we’ve overcome, the happiness we have felt, and etc. We are in fact surviving and growing.

If I told you I could remember the details of every find memory to the minimalist of details, you would think I’m crazy. I know some people who quickly respond, “Lucius, don’t waste your breath.”. I tend to try to use as much of the life I’ve been given to help reshape the world. Even recording an episode from the podcast, talking about peace, I would breath knowing I am here, now, alive, so why not use the best of my time.

We truly don’t know when it’s going to be the last breath we take. We don’t know the last breath before a big switch will happen in our lives. All we know is that people who learn to control their breathing, find that they could push through further. Now I’m writing all of this using parables. First thing a boxer, runner, and etc learn is to control your breathing, if not, you will tire easily. This can be seen with everything about life. Life is not measured by how much it “throws” at you but your perception to it based on the truth seen or tested and guess what, within all of that, we are ourselves are tested.

We are told that life is like running a race. What is causing you to be out of breath, what causes difficulty to breathe, what can be drawn from the air around us? Learn to breathe and with every breath you take, know it is a gift. Remember, breathe, everything will be ok. God is the life giver and he allows us to breathe. Take in every breath and keep going.

Unexpected Twist

I feel like God likes throwing us curve balls. We think we can calculate every aspect of our day to fit into our schedules. We hang them on the walls, create notifications and alarms when it arrives, yet we don’t notice were slaves to time.

It isn’t even just about time, we want things to work in our favor and the reality is, we don’t have control. I’ve to conclusion that as much as we try to live, we will fail every time, it isn’t about trying, but doing. Cue the star wars memes of Yoda training Luke. I even remember quoting the green master Jedi in one of my posts last year.

My life isn’t complicated, a lot of people see that I’m busy but I’ve grown so accustomed to my lifestyle that I still feel like I’m not doing anything. I practice what few know as polyphasic sleep: sleeping in intervals instead of a long regulated sleep. Typically it ranges from 4-6 hours. Add this to my intermittent fasting and you will get a clear picture why my friends believe I’m a vampire or Android.

From the moment my alarm goes off, my day is planned to the very last second, now, I still get distracted but not to the point that I lose time I use for my main tasks. Even my life was planned before.

Here comes the curve ball.

I’ve been talking to and dating someone. I never thought it would be possible. I actually wasn’t really looking for anything, no relationship. I can be honest and say that I wasn’t rushed with butterflies in my stomach either. We are just two grown adults who became friends and got to know one another closely. Before anyone thinks it was intimate, sexual, no. It was actually as you see in those Pinterest quotes, “dive deep into my mind and get to know me”, type of close. I remember telling my friends and family I was content being single and that I would probably stay like this, if God wills it. Then came the curve ball.

Jump into another strike, I am seeing my life come into clearer picture. My recent vacation has opened my horizon to push through all the obstacles.

An even crazier curve ball, my return to social media met with someone hacking my Facebook. With it being shut down for the moment, it showed me how much time I actually have spent and am using now. I don’t control time and even though I make choices, life is not guaranteed. Always make the best use of time. Gee_ology signing out, be blessed.

Struggling Mind

Let’s take time to acknowledge the fact that mental disorders aren’t a new trend. I hear the terms being thrown as if it was a joke, like “omg, I’m so bipolar…I’m depressed…”. There are moments we can joke about some things but do not diminish or forget how serious it can be.

Being someone who fights depression and anxiety daily, it isn’t a walk in the park. You don’t just walk outside and say, “I won’t be depressed today..”. People are suicidal, schizophrenic, mpd, ptsd, etc. As much as we help those who go through physical illnesses we also need to support those with mental ones. I remember hearing a quote that I can’t recall who said it, “If your mind is not whole, your body can suffer.”. There can be those who struggle with these things without anyone noticing. It is ok to speak to someone about it, you’re not alone.

I can be vocal about it because though I endure it, I am not them (my disorder, depression, etc), it does not ultimately define me. We can get mad at certain things or people, but what we can do is help them get the help they need. It is not a weakness if you need to see someone about what you have or take something for it. We’re human and even if, for example, myself, being a Christian, we act like we can reach perfection. No, we will fail and go through things, A.W. Tozer was an influential preacher who suffered from severe depression. It is true we find comfort and peace in God, as humans though we will still struggle with our daily lives and state we’re in.

You are all beautiful and strong, keep hanging on brothers and sisters, do not be afraid.

Keep Me

Worrying which wish will weather weathers, we will wrestle with wondering worth. Greatest gift graciously given. Speaking seasons sweetly seasoned shown seeping seeds spoken. High Holy hands helping helpless humans. I will never excuse this vision or where I step. Escaping death while my faith takes tests. My God is the light of my life. New sights no longer held by time. Keep me eternal, keep me close. Keep me from losing my worth, losing my soul. Without you there is no reason for being. Allow me to reflect and bear the image of Jesus. And though you keep me company, lead me to your will. A woman so invested in you that I won’t slip from spills. I don’t need a power trip, my vacation is not found in external bliss. Keep me and lead me in your ways. Passing past pastures purposely pursuing purpose. Crossing crosses crossed, crucified Christ, creating creations. I fear God, no man. I’m thankful for another day, under your grace. The sacrifice you made, humbled and blessed. It is all for your name. Keep me.