Category Archives: personal

Welcoming Change

Change is essential and these past few years have taught me to accept the present, don’t long for the future, and let myself grow as a man. I know who I am and I don’t mind not knowing where I’m going but where I need to be.

We all have flaws and we can’t do this alone. No matter what society tries to teach us, it is better to have those around you that truly care. I have my friends, family, girlfriend, who support me. I may change my hair color a lot too but I like to see it as a constant reminder that I’m different. I was never made to fit in.

Poetry is my release, music is my echo, writing is fueled by my blood; I am art. I don’t need a blog, social media, and etc, to share my thoughts or who I am or have been through. I hope I can properly articulate the message that love and truth should be what guides our soul. I am Lucius A. Wulfe this is my story, Gee_ology.

Love Is In The Air

I cannot fully recall how focused I was in finding a true sense of being loved. I’m not saying all of this because I’m in a relationship now or I’m thrown through every facet of love, confessing it to the world. Yesterday was Valentine’s day and beyond any notion I once held, I found myself drawn to the holiday that I once fought against.

It wasn’t for any particular reason really. I was not consumed by consumerism and that I “had” to get my girlfriend a gift-she isn’t even like that. I just was caught in the sense of what it means to truly spend time with someone.

After work, we hung out by getting something to eat, nothing extremely fancy and not even what people consider an “epic” date. It was more so, just peaceful. Time ceased to exist and for the most part, it was as we joke about, it felt like a scene from a movie.

I feel like we have lost the sense of what love or caring for someone actually means. We are quick to ask the questions, what will I gain from this, as if thr other person owes us. I spend my days fighting my anxiety when the questions arise, will I hurt her? But this is the biggest problem we face, we don’t know the outcome of any relationship or even in a broader spectrum, event.

We can spend years trying to figure out what “works” in marriages or for couples but everyone is different. Love cannot be measured or described to its entirety by human minds for we can only grab a glimpse of what love actually is. I can say that love has always been seen and defined by God, but to truly grasp that, one has to come to the revelation of Him.

I have spent a good portion of my life beating myself up about love, intimacy, caring, and etc. I sacrificed a lot but ultimately I saw that I was selfish. When it came down actually meeting someone I trusted and understood me to the minimalist of details, I truly opened up. This is where I am now, just another human being trying to act tough, be independent and unique when I am better off being weak in the sense that I am strong doing so, by showing emotions, by coming together not only with someone I care about but others, that in my uniqueness I can help others. To love and be loved is the greatest gift you can ever experience.

Don’t let a day or occasion define a moment or experience, don’t let commitments be drawn only by promises of a dated time. Love entirely or do not love at all. To love is not just what we have defined-infatuation, lust, sex-it transcends much more than this. Love by forgiving, love by changing, love by sacrificing, love by not only loving yourself but loving others as you would like to be loved, truly love and care.

I may sound like a broken record at times but I have learned in the few years I have on this planet, that love supersedes any amount of knowledge or wisdom I have gained. Gee_ology signing out.


I got tired of lavish dreams. I’m now living within lucid fabrics of reality. Forget me for who I was and let me rest in pieces. Broken soul restored by the God who is mocked by Heathens. I yell out to the world, revealing the proof beyond reason. Heaven can be a mile away. But on this day I reach its gates. My girl supporting my vision I envision. Though at times I can seem twisted, trapped in the prison. Mental captivity described in similes. An Anomaly orally giving remedies.

Unexpected Twist

I feel like God likes throwing us curve balls. We think we can calculate every aspect of our day to fit into our schedules. We hang them on the walls, create notifications and alarms when it arrives, yet we don’t notice were slaves to time.

It isn’t even just about time, we want things to work in our favor and the reality is, we don’t have control. I’ve to conclusion that as much as we try to live, we will fail every time, it isn’t about trying, but doing. Cue the star wars memes of Yoda training Luke. I even remember quoting the green master Jedi in one of my posts last year.

My life isn’t complicated, a lot of people see that I’m busy but I’ve grown so accustomed to my lifestyle that I still feel like I’m not doing anything. I practice what few know as polyphasic sleep: sleeping in intervals instead of a long regulated sleep. Typically it ranges from 4-6 hours. Add this to my intermittent fasting and you will get a clear picture why my friends believe I’m a vampire or Android.

From the moment my alarm goes off, my day is planned to the very last second, now, I still get distracted but not to the point that I lose time I use for my main tasks. Even my life was planned before.

Here comes the curve ball.

I’ve been talking to and dating someone. I never thought it would be possible. I actually wasn’t really looking for anything, no relationship. I can be honest and say that I wasn’t rushed with butterflies in my stomach either. We are just two grown adults who became friends and got to know one another closely. Before anyone thinks it was intimate, sexual, no. It was actually as you see in those Pinterest quotes, “dive deep into my mind and get to know me”, type of close. I remember telling my friends and family I was content being single and that I would probably stay like this, if God wills it. Then came the curve ball.

Jump into another strike, I am seeing my life come into clearer picture. My recent vacation has opened my horizon to push through all the obstacles.

An even crazier curve ball, my return to social media met with someone hacking my Facebook. With it being shut down for the moment, it showed me how much time I actually have spent and am using now. I don’t control time and even though I make choices, life is not guaranteed. Always make the best use of time. Gee_ology signing out, be blessed.

Breathing Easy

My vacation is almost over!

I’ve had a lot of fun and a lot of time to breathe. I’ve been seriously contemplating the next steps to take in life.

I got to visit family in New jersey and New York City. Though it’s been roughly 18 years since I visited up north, I felt such comfort. It was bizarre. My mind would go through memory lane and I could feel what I’ve been feeling these past few years in Florida, out of place, but out there, a sense of being.

Now, I love all the experiences I’ve encountered in Florida, the good and the bad. But I know that I won’t be here forever in the sunshine state. I’m currently running a podcast and I know God is using me to continue within that ministry. I also had a sense of relief when I saw the streets of Orlando, outside the window of the plane.

I’ve gotten used to the space in Florida. The northern States seemed crammed. I loved the feeling and atmosphere of the people though. I could actually talk at my regular speed without having someone tell me to slow down. I believe Florida just makes people more passive or relaxed, something I’m trying to avoid.

With all of this being said, I caught a glimpse of my life as a traveling writer. The results of it all is, I LOVED IT! I have never felt so free before in a long time. Of course, I feel that way while preaching or talking about my research but this time it felt different. I was constantly being inspired. The whole scenery of the hustle and bustle were moments to grasp character traits, qualities, environment and etc. When I first stepped home, here, I had to write in my journal. I found myself recording my spoken words and researching intensely.

What this whole experience has shown me is that, life truly is more than the stress we allow to invade. Life isn’t guaranteed but it is meant to be lived.

Struggling Mind

Let’s take time to acknowledge the fact that mental disorders aren’t a new trend. I hear the terms being thrown as if it was a joke, like “omg, I’m so bipolar…I’m depressed…”. There are moments we can joke about some things but do not diminish or forget how serious it can be.

Being someone who fights depression and anxiety daily, it isn’t a walk in the park. You don’t just walk outside and say, “I won’t be depressed today..”. People are suicidal, schizophrenic, mpd, ptsd, etc. As much as we help those who go through physical illnesses we also need to support those with mental ones. I remember hearing a quote that I can’t recall who said it, “If your mind is not whole, your body can suffer.”. There can be those who struggle with these things without anyone noticing. It is ok to speak to someone about it, you’re not alone.

I can be vocal about it because though I endure it, I am not them (my disorder, depression, etc), it does not ultimately define me. We can get mad at certain things or people, but what we can do is help them get the help they need. It is not a weakness if you need to see someone about what you have or take something for it. We’re human and even if, for example, myself, being a Christian, we act like we can reach perfection. No, we will fail and go through things, A.W. Tozer was an influential preacher who suffered from severe depression. It is true we find comfort and peace in God, as humans though we will still struggle with our daily lives and state we’re in.

You are all beautiful and strong, keep hanging on brothers and sisters, do not be afraid.

Changed Life

There comes a point in your life when you realize you aren’t OK. It’s actually a mystery to me, even though it continuously happens to me. It isn’t really any self discovery or hidden, profound vision revealed. You just know, everything around you, who you are, it feels out of place. The reality is we are scared of change.

I’m a 26 year old man. I’m not married, I don’t have kids, I prefer not to drink anymore or entertain drugs, I don’t party, consider myself Christian and even with my mental unstable tendencies, I’m genuinely happy, apart from a usual episode. One could stereotype me though I fall into no category, a wild card. A Dominican who’s also Asian. I myself have always longed for control. I would talk about the past to reveal my place in the present, as if that gained me the right to manipulate others and build my own future.

I honestly don’t know what tomorrow will hold. I’ve lost friends and lived past dreams I once thought would be seen reality. 26 years, wow, it makes you wonder. Time flies past us so quick. We worry about days and yet when we blink it is as if the problems of yesterday don’t compare to today’s. We get so caught up wanting some things to stay the same that we don’t grow. I could say that I’m living on borrowed time, I once believed I wasn’t going to see 25. Yet time is not mine to have or hold. Time comes and goes and when we can’t move alongside it, we become stuck. This is one of the biggest inspirations of my book, Kairos.

There will always be moments in our lives that define us but they do not determine the outcome. My past will never dictate who I am today. This is something God has revealed to me. Change is necessary, change will hurt. When you finally get up off that couch and find purpose. We always say we don’t do it for others but ourselves, I’m here to tell you that’s not all true. “3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)

As I sat down and watched the episodes of the Flash and Black Lightning, something triggered within me again. These heroes we see on tv, though fantasy, hold a significant message, it is more than just us. True love breeds sacrifice.

We can be selfish and indulge in what we truly desire, we can long for what, who we truly want but is it what we need? There are times where we learn our self worth, I’m not saying it’s bad, I’m saying it isn’t enough. We will constantly fail. We can chase after grand things, be famous people, reminisce memories, but we will come to realize the truth. Change is not some grand transformation, it is living, truly being alive. Being unafraid of what you truly feel, finding you need to put in those extra hours to feed your kids and not go clubbing, it is dropping that bottle to see the damage your doing and embracing the pain to grow, it is ultimately facing reality and surviving.

I could recommend some fancy words or a ten step program, I could give you motivational books, I could also tell you that you need to find the answers yourself. The truth is, we are lost and need a guide. I could tell you I found true change in God, even if mocked or seen as foolish. But from all the theories and notions of who I envisioned and claimed I changed into, I was never truly changed til I saw my life was being wasted apart from Him. I cannot ultimately tell everyone what to do in life, all I know is we are scared to change, even if we claim we’re transcending, evolving, we are just returning to our nature which is of a sinful one, one where death reigns. For me, I rather change because I know life is more than this or myself.