Keep Moving

Keep it moving.

As of late, I can’t really put my finger on it but I feel “good”. I was going through my usual depressive spells but I let myself take a break from writing my usual topics and just let my emotions spill on paper. I read a quite that said that the best medication was never found in the form of a pull but through words on a paper; writing. This seems to be my medication.

I’ve gone hunting for the collection of all my poetry and rounding them up. I will be placing them into a book format and releasing it as an ebook. Not only will this get my name out there but ultimately help people who feel the same. I am still in the process of writing various stories and I just submitted my manuscript to a couple agents. Really looking forward to Nanowrimo next month as well. 

I’m not letting life keep me down. I constantly am being told that I cant let my emotions control me and this is true. I motivate and encourage people. I need to learn the same lessons I teach but as well, still do things based on the wisdom and not what I am feeling. There will be things that try to keep us down but we must push through. We create our own paths but will learn our purpose when centered to truth and love. 

I remember a quote I wrote on instagram, that I don’t chase things, goals, people, and etc, I build and grow with them or for it. Meaning that I work to attain something in total understanding, brick by brick and step by step, not just wanting to have that which I envision. I actually am on Instagram a lot, posting quotes and poems, check it out guys @LuciusWulfe. 

I will start evolving thia blog some more and working on layouts. Helping you guys find my work a lot better. Poetry and short stories will flood into this as well so stay tuned. Will also be posting short stories I wrote intended for my short stories site but I will merge everything here, so don’t worry, I’m not taking anyone’s work. 

Thank you all for the support and for those that continue to do so, don’t just sed me moving, come with me as let us continue to grow. Boom, let’s go!!

I’m Sober It

It’s funny, looking back at all the reckless things I did in my life. I remember the nights I went out with certain friends or stayed at their place to drink. I remember the days I would smoke and find the need for peace of mind by the “green”. Amidst it all, a substance or really anything became my addiction. 

My mind is a constant storm that shifts through the weather of life. I used to think by abstaining from things forcefully I could find control. It was to my own failure that I saw that it wasn’t what I was doing but truly, why I was doing it that needed to change.

Recently I’ve debated with myself about various things in my life from using social media to debauchery and etc. It’s been quite awhile since I drank to the point that I lost my senses. Now close to 2 years since I smoked weed and bout a year and a half since I was physically with someone. Throughout these time spans in my walk to understanding who I am, I’ve learned to be sober minded. To learn who I am and in turn learn that I have control.

Ultimately I decide the choices that I will take, even though my mental issues may come into play. I know as well that God continues to shape me and I grow accordingly. My choice now to drink to a certain limit and to be celibate until or if I find someone and marry them, is me being sober in mind. To properly be logical not only who I am but how I affect others as well, how I use my time and etc. 

I believe this is what Paul spoke about in the bible or the revelation that people see after being sober for a moment. You truly do begin to see with a clearer focus. Though I do understand some needs medically for some things, in speaking about anything not just drugs, being controlled by it. I have struggled with many things from sex, drugs, pornography, social media and etc, especially being an ex narcissist. But like scripture says, God is transforming me but as well, I must take charge at times and set my mind on other things. Things in this world would give temporary solutions but never something permanent. In turn, I’m focused now in making sure that I remain sober. Sober minded in not only who I am and having control of my life, but properly helping others, coming to God and focusing on things that will truly last.

The Social Club

​Log in to Facebook. Scrolls news feed. Closes app. Opens Snapchat. Views stories and responds to messages. Closes app. Opens Instagram. Reviews likes and follows. Scrolls feed and watches stories. Closes app. Repeats throughout the day.

The ongoing struggle and battle with a vicious cycle that I believe plagues me. Social media. If you have been reading my work since I first started all of this, You know I’m not too keen with social media.

I never got into Twitter like most people, tried it for a month and deleted. Instagram seems to be the one I use the most but I’ve found that if I gain 150+ followers I delete and start again-I’m not big on being famous or having a lot of people-always happens. Though Facebook has been good to be in contact with my family and friends, I find it a waste of time. Just as one of my friends states it, you don’t post, you boast. Even with the loads of information presented, people have been centered and focused on their own lives, even if at times one can post about a situation occuring. 

Now, before someone throws a fit or may get mad, social media can be used in wonderful ways. I just know that it isn’t for me particularly and I have yet to find a solid good reason. Though I do have accounts throughout, I also know I prefer the hours of writing, reading and researching and social media hinders all of that as a distraction. Now, I could have better self control some may say but the truth is I’m an impulsive person. If I truly get into anything or anyone, I will have my attention focused on that or put my all into it. It shouldn’t come as a surprise really that I also am like an old soul. I prefer to talk in person instead of through a screen or text. I prefer to enjoy time with people even though I like my alone time more. 

Before the question was, if I could live without social media due to my writing and podcast so I can have some form of presence. Now the question that comes to mind is, why don’t I just get rid of it all like before? It always works out for me and I truly see moments of growth during my “ghost” mode that people refer too. People expect me to come back so they don’t worry too much. It is a common thing but as of late my mind is wondering if I should just completely remove it all together, forever. I know I can survive with out, I’ve done so before. Another question shows up which is, why do I keep coming back? What keeps me there? Before it would be hope of some kind that I never really shared. Then I knew that my account was connected to my podcast page and it would disappear. Either way it is a battle I face daily and just want to see if others share the same views or if they cut themselves out of it. Do writers really need social media?