Category Archives: spiritual

Choices In Fate

We’ve heard the sayings ringing out like a choir performing an epic verse to a song, “If it’s meant to be, it will be” or even, “whatever is yours will find its way to you.”. The believers of fate proclaiming that fate drives us all to a predestined plan set in motion since the beginning of time. Others, who hold to a kore skeptical belief, swear we make our own destiny and fate, choosing the choices we make in life.

I will be honest in stating that I used to believe in fate. There were moments when I believed in luck but as my years have advanced, I know that for the most part, we choose our choices and life. Now this does not mean I’m a skeptical to a grand plan set by God. I have stated it before that I am a believer. I just know that things don’t just happen or that. Now sure, I can say that God has a plan for me and I can abide in His will, I also know I can choose to follow my own path.

I was recently discussing this with my girlfriend about how we can say that it was “fate” but in the reality is, we never truly know. I could have chosen 20 different paths or choices that would have had me working somewhere else or not even being able to meet her, for instance. I am not defined by where I am now but ultimately where I choose to be or do.

Ive heard and seen people get depressed or become anxious because they have stated that they are fated for greatness, everyone wants to be a star and yet never realize their own potential or limitations. Not everyone will be an entrepreneur, unlike what society teaches now. People are a collective that each, individually, come together to help us all come as a whole to what we call society. People that bag pur food, collect trash, teach our children, help maintain electricity to the city and etc.

I believe that fate is not essentially what the movies or people have claimed it to be. I feel like fate is but a word only when it is used in focus of the self, placing yourself as the god of your own world, an idol. Now I do believe, God will place certain people and situations but ultimately it is our choice to decide what we do when presented, this is in no way associated with salvation but in life. I still hold to the reformed mindset that we are saved by grace through faith but that faith is given to us when our hearts are opened, but this is my understanding of scripture. As the rest goes, I feel like we lose focus of the grand scheme, it is not about us, let fate to and live your life to the fullest and you will find the life that have pictured wouof be destiny.

Greatest of Gifts

You will only pay attention to what affects you or has influence over you, based on perception or experience. With this said, I have seen people shift to a sheep like mind state, where, what is pushed by the masses, becomes your focus. This is not news but has gradually increased as ignorance is a norm. We are now taught to “know”, means you are of intellect, when memorization is more important than application.

How far the world has come, where we fight for protection, freely give our security to be dependent, and believe we chase after unity, while continuously growing division. We believe ourselves to be masters of our own world, while trapped within our own minds and controlled by emotions. I believe this is why we would rather invest in digital screens than people. We have turned to ourselves instead of sharing and helping others. We should be the effect of a cause, not simply become affected by it. True change is not given freely but radically altered within a person or people. Yet, we hold to ideals that falter due to our imperfections or belief that all must abide within our own notions and never in truth.

Woe is me, a mere mortal, one you can strip to the very bones and see my frailty. To speak with this boldness is frowned upon. For as man desires peace, he sees not the war raging inside him or around, threatening his existence.

We stand at the edge of humanity awaiting our judgment before cast into sea. Yet who is to blame but ourselves for the choices made. Our degradation a byproduct of selfish intentions. Let us truly reflect and come in love to abide in truth, encompass the solidity of its purest nature and envelope it within ourselves. For as they say we are of the dust or made of stars, let us treat our home with respect, to embrace the coming ages and shine amongst our brothers and sisters in true unity. For though we come together, we each serve a purpose, not of fate, luck, but as one who is connected to this race we run. Never forget, you are loved and to love, for this is the greatest of gifts.

Love Is In The Air

I cannot fully recall how focused I was in finding a true sense of being loved. I’m not saying all of this because I’m in a relationship now or I’m thrown through every facet of love, confessing it to the world. Yesterday was Valentine’s day and beyond any notion I once held, I found myself drawn to the holiday that I once fought against.

It wasn’t for any particular reason really. I was not consumed by consumerism and that I “had” to get my girlfriend a gift-she isn’t even like that. I just was caught in the sense of what it means to truly spend time with someone.

After work, we hung out by getting something to eat, nothing extremely fancy and not even what people consider an “epic” date. It was more so, just peaceful. Time ceased to exist and for the most part, it was as we joke about, it felt like a scene from a movie.

I feel like we have lost the sense of what love or caring for someone actually means. We are quick to ask the questions, what will I gain from this, as if thr other person owes us. I spend my days fighting my anxiety when the questions arise, will I hurt her? But this is the biggest problem we face, we don’t know the outcome of any relationship or even in a broader spectrum, event.

We can spend years trying to figure out what “works” in marriages or for couples but everyone is different. Love cannot be measured or described to its entirety by human minds for we can only grab a glimpse of what love actually is. I can say that love has always been seen and defined by God, but to truly grasp that, one has to come to the revelation of Him.

I have spent a good portion of my life beating myself up about love, intimacy, caring, and etc. I sacrificed a lot but ultimately I saw that I was selfish. When it came down actually meeting someone I trusted and understood me to the minimalist of details, I truly opened up. This is where I am now, just another human being trying to act tough, be independent and unique when I am better off being weak in the sense that I am strong doing so, by showing emotions, by coming together not only with someone I care about but others, that in my uniqueness I can help others. To love and be loved is the greatest gift you can ever experience.

Don’t let a day or occasion define a moment or experience, don’t let commitments be drawn only by promises of a dated time. Love entirely or do not love at all. To love is not just what we have defined-infatuation, lust, sex-it transcends much more than this. Love by forgiving, love by changing, love by sacrificing, love by not only loving yourself but loving others as you would like to be loved, truly love and care.

I may sound like a broken record at times but I have learned in the few years I have on this planet, that love supersedes any amount of knowledge or wisdom I have gained. Gee_ology signing out.

Each Breath

You never truly notice each breath you take. Now sure, you reading this, start to count and observe each passing breath. The air that fills your lungs or escapes your body continues without your full attention.

Let’s step back for a moment and begin to see the intricacy of life. Without all the weighted perception or distractions thrown at us, we see the complexity. With all of this said, life shows us that even without our full focus, it continues.

I’ve tried to mask my feelings before in a variety of ways, work, art, and etc. Amidst the turmoil I would either ignore, push to the side, or try to disregard, until I was ready to face them, life would continue. This whole realization that each passing breath was more than my body functioning as intended, I saw it as the reality, we are truly alive.

It shouldn’t come as a shock, we are born, do this or that, you can insert a blank, life doesn’t stop because someone dies. Each breath reveals the struggles we’ve overcome, the happiness we have felt, and etc. We are in fact surviving and growing.

If I told you I could remember the details of every find memory to the minimalist of details, you would think I’m crazy. I know some people who quickly respond, “Lucius, don’t waste your breath.”. I tend to try to use as much of the life I’ve been given to help reshape the world. Even recording an episode from the podcast, talking about peace, I would breath knowing I am here, now, alive, so why not use the best of my time.

We truly don’t know when it’s going to be the last breath we take. We don’t know the last breath before a big switch will happen in our lives. All we know is that people who learn to control their breathing, find that they could push through further. Now I’m writing all of this using parables. First thing a boxer, runner, and etc learn is to control your breathing, if not, you will tire easily. This can be seen with everything about life. Life is not measured by how much it “throws” at you but your perception to it based on the truth seen or tested and guess what, within all of that, we are ourselves are tested.

We are told that life is like running a race. What is causing you to be out of breath, what causes difficulty to breathe, what can be drawn from the air around us? Learn to breathe and with every breath you take, know it is a gift. Remember, breathe, everything will be ok. God is the life giver and he allows us to breathe. Take in every breath and keep going.


I got tired of lavish dreams. I’m now living within lucid fabrics of reality. Forget me for who I was and let me rest in pieces. Broken soul restored by the God who is mocked by Heathens. I yell out to the world, revealing the proof beyond reason. Heaven can be a mile away. But on this day I reach its gates. My girl supporting my vision I envision. Though at times I can seem twisted, trapped in the prison. Mental captivity described in similes. An Anomaly orally giving remedies.

Breathing Easy

My vacation is almost over!

I’ve had a lot of fun and a lot of time to breathe. I’ve been seriously contemplating the next steps to take in life.

I got to visit family in New jersey and New York City. Though it’s been roughly 18 years since I visited up north, I felt such comfort. It was bizarre. My mind would go through memory lane and I could feel what I’ve been feeling these past few years in Florida, out of place, but out there, a sense of being.

Now, I love all the experiences I’ve encountered in Florida, the good and the bad. But I know that I won’t be here forever in the sunshine state. I’m currently running a podcast and I know God is using me to continue within that ministry. I also had a sense of relief when I saw the streets of Orlando, outside the window of the plane.

I’ve gotten used to the space in Florida. The northern States seemed crammed. I loved the feeling and atmosphere of the people though. I could actually talk at my regular speed without having someone tell me to slow down. I believe Florida just makes people more passive or relaxed, something I’m trying to avoid.

With all of this being said, I caught a glimpse of my life as a traveling writer. The results of it all is, I LOVED IT! I have never felt so free before in a long time. Of course, I feel that way while preaching or talking about my research but this time it felt different. I was constantly being inspired. The whole scenery of the hustle and bustle were moments to grasp character traits, qualities, environment and etc. When I first stepped home, here, I had to write in my journal. I found myself recording my spoken words and researching intensely.

What this whole experience has shown me is that, life truly is more than the stress we allow to invade. Life isn’t guaranteed but it is meant to be lived.

Struggling Mind

Let’s take time to acknowledge the fact that mental disorders aren’t a new trend. I hear the terms being thrown as if it was a joke, like “omg, I’m so bipolar…I’m depressed…”. There are moments we can joke about some things but do not diminish or forget how serious it can be.

Being someone who fights depression and anxiety daily, it isn’t a walk in the park. You don’t just walk outside and say, “I won’t be depressed today..”. People are suicidal, schizophrenic, mpd, ptsd, etc. As much as we help those who go through physical illnesses we also need to support those with mental ones. I remember hearing a quote that I can’t recall who said it, “If your mind is not whole, your body can suffer.”. There can be those who struggle with these things without anyone noticing. It is ok to speak to someone about it, you’re not alone.

I can be vocal about it because though I endure it, I am not them (my disorder, depression, etc), it does not ultimately define me. We can get mad at certain things or people, but what we can do is help them get the help they need. It is not a weakness if you need to see someone about what you have or take something for it. We’re human and even if, for example, myself, being a Christian, we act like we can reach perfection. No, we will fail and go through things, A.W. Tozer was an influential preacher who suffered from severe depression. It is true we find comfort and peace in God, as humans though we will still struggle with our daily lives and state we’re in.

You are all beautiful and strong, keep hanging on brothers and sisters, do not be afraid.