My heart has never felt tranquility. Bombarded by stings of pressure instilled by emotions. Compressed chest caved in by memories. Numb to the pain as trampled by many. Though my damage as well left scars on others. My past is not presented to be present or find future. Let my heart shine anew as a star reborn. Each pump strengthened as the repairs are made. Find me now holding it close, weary who may see its value. A treasure now hidden though shining as the scars open and seep on this paper. Deep wounds I have long forgotten or is it a desire to be touched? A warmth once again to be felt or will it be left in dust? Must the fire and Phoenix of my soul be born again to fuel the passions or desires? Will the wolf howl alone moonless nights seeking company to be full? Such questions though I’ve learned to be love and share love from the core. My joy is not found in another. Though these words reveal a tragedy my story continues. And so I continue in exodus until my revelation and find peace, maybe one day falling asleep and awakening to my Eve, but for now I continue following the King.
What are you really after? I ponder this question before every story or poem I write. It would seem to hold a significant weight on my chest. Even within the realm of Instagram where I post poems and quotes.
Let’s not sugar coat things, we all seek to be recognized is some way but the question remains, what are you after? Long hours “perfecting” a story or poem all so you can get some likes? A follow maybe? Is fame your goal? Or do you want to truly share your message, vision, and/or truth to the world?
A common thought crosses my mind every time I type, as an answer to those questions. I would like to be known but I don’t want to do it for selfish reasons. I prefer my stories to truly touch people and encourage them. You can really summarize my blog ultimately as an outlook on life and how I perceive the world but it really is a motivational one. I like helping people, helping them understand and find that they are not alone.
Don’t get me wrong in anything, I find a sense of pride when someone comments, likes or follows me because of something they read. But I also know that if I base my writing on likes or fame, it will distort my message or story. I find that I will gain an audience some way but writing isnt just to help people as well, but also a form of medication for myself. I write for me as well.
We can all joke and reminisce about having our books or stories published. Write about our struggles as writers on a daily basis and even fall into the stereotype of being a writer, but ultimately what are you chasing? What is that pull that keeps you writing? People may not even notice you because you’re not “famous” and as soon as you take off, you’ll see swarms of “fans”. Begin to write differently or in such a way that it offends the reader and you will get dropped. This is just how society has transformed over the years.
I’ve learned all of this since I first started writing about a year ago. I don’t become discouraged at what is happening or if I don’t “make” it. I still put in the hours and write, learning from my mistakes and perfecting the craft. To be able to give an emotion or imagery using words is a gift and is something truly beautiful. Never forget the reason you started and always remember, you arent racing, there really is no finish line. Write as if your work was meant for eternity and your story will be made history.
“Just act or be your age”. Wait, so you’re telling me I have to restrict myself or be at a certain standard because of a number? Maturity is not based on age. I know young kids who are mere teens pulling in weight to help their parents. I’ve seen grown adults acting like fools with not even an ounce of wisdom. You forget that there are grown adults producing the shows our kids watch, movies we become fascinated with. You thought it came from fairy godparents and that when you turn a certain number you’re “grown”. That I have to have 2 kids, own a house, and car while wasting my life in a 9 to 5, because I’m 26?
Times have changed, economy is a joke and what we considered tough times is now worse than before. You want to know what my age looks like? Working 8-20 hour shifts, taking school online, writing or finding means to improve so that I may become a well published author, balancing my time, and still having to survive in this world. You think we may have things easier or don’t know the stress we are in. You don’t know my age, nor my maturity, you want to measure it? Than know it is a different time. Yes I’ve been doing good for myself, but that is because I push on, I’ve been there, when you have nothing. I will not excuse my sarcastic self or my character. I am a nerd as well. You’ll catch me playing nerf at the park when I’m 80. Going to star wars movies at 50.
Maybe you need to help change or offer solid advice instead of stating something that you may not know about. We don’t have it easy and never confuse age with maturity. Maturity is how you properly can handle things in a well balanced way and yet none of us are perfect. There is a time and place for everything. It is true I needed to grow before but now knowing who I am, what I want, I am not defined by a number. Forever young in such a short existence, I live for eternity. Real talk.
Let me just tell you girl, I don’t play. Making plans, parking in drive ways. But you’re Driving me insane. You turn me on til my batteries drained. Igniting my honesty, woah, let me slow it down. Don’t make a sound, I’ll wait til you come around. Let me reverse, though you running through my mental. I want to touch your soul before I hold you close. Distance between skins as we hold these positions. I don’t want to rush into the physical prison. Though my geometrical prism tries to lead me to the sexual. You are more invigorating than your scent, does this make sense? A change has been made in cents, quarter of my life…I will wait. You can be someone’s ex but to me you are a treasure. Measured by the voyages I embarked with these letters. Picturing your beauty and astounded by your realistic textures. Sit down and listen, I will guard my heart today. But you are the future I envision. So please know, baby, I trust you. I trust you. Let’s keep walking on these tracks without fear. I don’t promise you the world but I promise to always be here. Let’s slow it down. Walking to the Father, Heaven bound.
You may always stare at the mirror wondering what’s missing. If that certain someone will bring a deeper connection. But please listen, you are not a part, you are not missing something. You are royalty. If they cannot see your worth, it is not about proving it to them.
Continue to shine. There isn’t “the one”, a soulmate. Touch your skin, feel your heart beat, your heart is your own. What you share is who you are, time, and commitment. If you think you can find it in someone else you will be lost. Your identity is found at the source of truth and love. Fill yourself with this and watch as it shall overflow to others and attract like-minded people. You are a treasure.
(First spoken word that’s going to be recorded)
Isn’t funny how we trying to feel a hundred? Get the money with no plans? But then we do and then waste a 20 to bottle up with no stance? Seeking money and watching it slip from our hands? Looking at plates we conceived that will return in fees by pleas in grands. While we appeal to egos and present the world with brands. Taking looks at books to help us pocket but we still can’t touch change. So we pop it, rock it, releasing disappointment and stress as we drop it. Yet who we are, our character, our family, we can’t bank. Saving who we are. The love of it, root of all evil. But we remain controlled because corporations have invested in people. You need this, you’ll want that. You are not beautiful unless you add the mask. You should buy the new jams, smoke the grams, if not you’re not a man. You’re not successful if you don’t make 6 figures to get digits. How far have we come? To believe the American dream is reached by keeping asleep or that a dream is reached by being American? You are beautiful, you are worthy. Your skin doesn’t decide your future and if it troubles another then reach out to your brothers and overcome the hate with love. A revolution isnt about war but the transformation of the soul. Rebuking injustice. We are not the world, this is the Earth. We’re kings and queens, rulers at birth. Escape the bondage and find truth. Because dearly, I share this with a broken heart restored…I have love for you….seek the change.
I speak my mind with vivid, verbal illustration. Revelation of imagination articulated in understanding my creations. Deeper bonds formed and transforms storms that surge through words. Purged and fabricated beyond the basic. Play me and know I keep in tune with higher vibrations. Misconceptions drawn apart from what is written. I’m not a product of the system. A victim transformed to a villain. I’m not a statistic, let me be realistic. Envisioning the portrayal of eternal attraction. Driven beyond passion. Two of a kind, reciting lines to make a vow. Like how can we come together beyond time. Life in motion inscribed in my mental. Spiritually united without touching the physical. No body can feel you. Though you touch them raw. I come to love the art, heart written amongst stars. Poetry.