Category Archives: time

Burn me alive

Burning fire, find me in reason of means thought forgotten. Why must this flame keep my heart ablaze? Sparks ignited by reminiscing passings days of old. Bring me clear focus to determine the cause. Find me at odds searching to what lifts me off balance. Endless mystery held by such a word or confusion has entered into my weary soul. Fingers interlocked once upon, with space increasing in present notions of time. Brushed surface beyond exterior complexions or expressions. Seek it thus, is not the promise eternal which I swore? As I grow, may I indeed be led and lead. May I once again say I have what is held. Consuming blaze, engulf me with breaths I have not forgotten. Warmed embrace, I speak as one with open heart laid to find solace. Keep me in infinite promise.

In Memory

They never tell you how short life is. Today my friend texted me and told me that R.C. Sproul died. Now personally I never knew the man but one thing is for certain is that, he impacted me tremendously in my life.

If you dont know by now, I consider myself a Christian apologist. I’ve delved into theological debates and even written articles about the Faith and God. Through my journey or research, I’ve found that there have been men and women that God has placed that have caused me to become inspired and truly learn from. 

With the amazing ability of the internet, though I may bash it at times, I’ve been blessed to hear and learn from many influential people. R.C. Sproul was one of those people and even now, I know his messages and expression of faith will impact many in the years to come. I pray sincerely that his family may draw closer and rejoice in knowing that he is with the Lord he served diligently for years, and if they feel sadness as I’m sure they do, may they be comforted. 

This brings me to the truth of the matter, time is truly so short. A lot can happen in a year and a day. We look back at times and notice that those who stood beside us No ponger are with us, even if they may not have passed in life, from our lives, they are no longer connected at times. This is why I say that in memory of all who are with us let us be truly grateful for those who are with us, never forget those who changed us and truly, let us understand that people are treasures that are greater than any of what we can gain that the Lord allows us to share with Him during our time on Earth.

Words in Action

“It’s easier said than done.”

We hear the constant words drilled into our heads, being built with firm foundations. The master builder or the creator himself giving shape to the people we are meant to be if we all Him to.

What comes to mind, words and action. 

I’ve been at a loss and quite frankly, perplexed at my role as an individual in society. I feel “lost”. It is like I don’t fit in the norm or even what many describe as the “culture”. Now sure, I can have some stereotypes, I’m Asian so I love anime, I’m Dominican so I like bachata, and etc. Beyond that, there is more that meets the eye. 

I don’t know how many times I will say it, I prefer that I stand out but as well, as of late, I feel some anxiety coming in. I haven’t been on social media for some time now and wonder how my friends are. Though I could text them, it seems that, just like me, we only text when it is convenient. I find myself hearing people talk about things happening in the world and I’m also out of it. I don’t watch t.v. nor pay mind to mainstream news (I’m a truther, remember, what you may call a conspiracy but). Through it all it has got me to think about my choices in life.

I’m usually one of those people who contemplates and reflects his choices and yet I know God is telling me to trust in him. The reality is, I tend to instill my ego and pride. I am good at getting things done or ignoring what I feel, which causes me to be cold.

I am literally writing from my tub and letting the water hit me while I write this on my phone(waterproof casing). I got home from another long shift and time seems to be speeding up. My life seems to be going nowhere fast and I ask myself, maybe I should be doing something bigger right now.

Should I have already had 3 books, my blog with thousands of followers, people commenting, podcast with tons of downloads, and etc by now?

I’m good at saying things like, “Be Present” but we are left with these questions. I ask myself this a lot, are we truly present? 

I come to God with an open heart asking what is His will. Every time I think I know, it ends up being my own desires that ultimately fail me. What will change? What is there to change? Am I allowing myself to be changed? These are all questions that pound into my head. For the first time in a long time, I do feel lost and alone. 

I feel like an outcast. I don’t blink of I get zero reads or views on articles since this has transitioned to a journal as well. When I write, I feel escape and a sense of relief from this world. I ultimately wake up and am appalled by how society has become warped. Yet here I am, voicing my own opinions through the best way I know how, writing. 

This all may seem like a jumbled up array of words compiled to make sense. I mean am I supposed to write a detailed post with pictures and funny sentences, maybe a gif, to keep the reader entertained? Or am I truly supposed to write and let my soul paint the picture with words, allowing my own story, notions, or feelings come to pass. I feel limited by following guidelines. Trust me, I’ve read at least a hundred on starting a blog or bringing in an audience. It’s just that, I feel like if I was to do all that, I would lose myself, My style.

I’m not famous. I’m not like everyone else. I’m a 26 year old man that believes in true love while being single. I’m a blogger/writer/poet that hasn’t gone to college or honestly, dropped out. I haven’t the faintest clue in my next steps other than doing God’s will. I know I will continue to write, motivate, inspire, and though I have certain goals, I cannot allow my life to be plagued by anxiety anymore. 

Call me what you will but I refuse to be a lost boy who never grows up, fascinated by the world. So then in turn I’m not lost, just like Tolkien quoted, “Not all who wander are lost”. I will not be captivated and be a zombie looking down on his phone all the time. I will not waste my time doing things I consider unproductive. I want to truly change the world and if I am an outcast then it is true what Jesus said, I am not from this world and if the world hated Him, then it will hate me too. I rather stand for what I believe and be built on form foundations.

Driving Force

Don’t worry I’m alive. I haven’t written in 4 days Which is odd for me. I typically write or post every 2 days now. Please don’t be mad *bows in forgiveness*. 

I’ve been working like crazy these past few days. I haven’t had a day off til today and a good chunk of that is taken off due to podcast day. But as well, I worked a 20 hour shift Sunday and just got off another 15 hour shift. *drumroll* I’m not dead.

I’ve rarely felt exhaustion. Usually people tell me I’m an Android and I don’t rest but surprise surprise, I can feel my body ache, I feel myself tired. It’s funny, I never thought I would see the day.

My brother posted a pic similar to the one above, to express how he felt after he learned I passed out when I got home on Sunday; only to sleep 3 hours and head back to work. Everyone wonders why I push myself and though it may seem I voice my opinion strongly, I am just honest. 

The reality is that I’ve been in the dumps-Not the actual place- where I am mentally, physically, and spiritual broke, used, work out. Fighting depression has never been easy. Having OCD is not something to boast about as well. Anxiety is even worst in my opinion. Now mash that all up and you have me. Yet, none of this reveals that I endured being homeless in the past.

I will not allow myself to reach a point in my life where I am struggling and Don’t know where to turn. I don’t believe in giving up nor in just letting life pass me by. There are things I still need to do and places to go. Now I’m not saying that this is what happens with homeless people. What I’m saying is, is that I know what drives me.

God, family, my goals. It is in this exact order and if I’m blessed enough to find my significant other, then she will be considered family but above a bit (maybe she’s reading this *laughs*). God has instilled a drive to do everything as if I was doing it for Him. My family is my treasure and I’ve learned that no riches can compare. Last, my goals of being a writer and speaker/teacher to help/teach others who struggle in life. 

I say it many times that my focus is clear now. I may lose vision at times or it might be blurred but I know that God will guide me. I can be tired and know that this job as a manager is not something to die over. I know I would be replaced but as well I am a hard worker. I’ve learned the value not only in things, people, but also myself. 

I will continue to smile and be driven by the force that allows me to grow as a man. To lead others to come to a similar mindset and truly grow as people. It is never about having no time but what drives us to keep going, for me they are what I stayed because I’ve learned that without these, everything else is vain. I ask then, what drives you?

Late Nights

Late nights again.

It doesn’t come as a surprise anymore how much sleep I don’t get. I was about to say how much sleep I do get but then I thought it would make it sound like I got any. 

I like to think of my days as stretched workloads mixed with 3-5 your naps. Is it healthy? Of course not. Yet here I am and staying optimistic and strong. 

I managed to pull in another 10-12 hour shift today from work. If you ask me the exact number and I would look at you with a dead expression. 

December is the time where I hardly get any sleep-even less from what I usually get. I think I explained how I usually take melatonin to help me sleep. If not, surprise! I tend to work 6-7 days and usually 10-16 hour shifts. This is typically what I’ve been doing the past 7 years of my life now. I’ve been a manager for most of it and usually that is just what happens during the seasonal spree.

Now, all of this doesn’t excuse myself for still being up. I have been editing the format for the current book I’m working on. I’ve talked about this book for a grand part of my blogging life and it is something I’m excited to bring out. One thing for sure is that I always listened to the advice to just write and think about the format later. Well, later has arrived and now it is major editing and fixing. Lots of work to say the least but also fun. 

By now, I believe I have read My whole book from beginning to end about 10 times. I’ve actually fallen in love with the characters and even though I tend to tweak things here and there as I fix indentations, formats, and etc, it is a story that I wish to expand from if things go great. This is why I wouldn’t mind and don’t mind staying up so late-I should say early now-it is currently 4:21 a.m. where I’m at.

I think this serves as a reminder in the future, to always work hard and in the end, do something you love. I could continue spreading my retail wings and etc but I also know that I love writing. No matter how tired I am or what I have going on, I will spend my time doing what I love. 

These late nights are where I am myself and to me they are the best.

Coming Together, Home


I cannot compare to the moon, stars, or the sun. For do we not stand as our own? Let them reflect or bask upon your own beauty. When has the sun hidden behind a cloud because you arose and your smile gave new light to my soul? Was it not in this very morning? Poetry knows not such intrusion you have caused within my world. The forces drawn not of orbit or gravity but the pull towards you keeps me in motion. But find me not lost within emotions splendored in infinite bliss. I have come to understand my reason and shall lead when the foundation is built. Carry on and mark my words but see the trail I embark in steps toward the future. Must you part ways or steady yourself to hold me as we take action together. Tales have been interwoven and locked in bindings of stories not of my own. I cannot grasp at meanings where who I define and see goes beyond the characters drawn. Let my voice roar and see me lead to victory in pursuit. My cause is not to conquer but rule beside my queen the lands we have gained by our struggles. Is it then a paradox? All that we have overcome to stand before our king and bask in His love? Or must I remember that it has yet to pass and I await the future in wait as I am shaped to the man intended to be? Let it be known, await for me and worry not for time has no limitation. I am on my way and together we shall head home.

Truth in Life


Now I speak from a Christian point of view. Truth can be shaken and stirred but it will ultimately never mix with lies. Half truths are still lies in the end. Such it is when discussing subjects. 

Many may hold to a relative truth but it is a truth based on feeling, opinion or experience within the perception of another. Truth is dealt in absolutes. Though perceptions may differ, truth is derived upon the full study of a subject to reach the conclusion, not taken in parts to benefit our own understanding. Take a can and bottle of coke. Give an item each to 2 different people in a different space. Tell each that coke comes in that standard. When the two people come together and recite what they know they will say that coke comes in one way or the other. Yet we know as the observers that coke comes in both formats. 

Now people assume that this applies to religion or even science. Lots of people either claim that God is the same in all religions but appears differently. This of course cannot be the case as the God of Christianity stands apart from the rest as being the sole creator of all where no beginning of Himself came about but preexistent and omnipotent. As Well, some claim different beliefs within religion and uphold to religious standards and formulate their own idea of God. Mormons, seventh day Adventists and etc that all come from teachings of Freemasonry with different approaches or understanding. 

In science we see that laws are placed in the world with order and one cannot simply negate the truth or validity of how the world works. Yet people still try to base science as philosophical as to, why it exists. Within the search or truth of truth, so to speak, we see many things that are brought to the attention of man. We have morality, what is good and What is evil. We have established a firm judgment based on culture and as well, beliefs of the people, in majority. If, for the most part, a nation is part of a certain religion, then the laws will derive upon the system. Yet it is key to note that in some cases it is not the case. We have America where it was said to have been founded by Christian principles but in reality the founding father’s were theists, freemasons and etc, with a clear notion that all beliefs were to be respected. 

Respect doesn’t mean that you accept but that you allow without stirring any division. I can respect your choice to Not read this post but I also wish you would. It is like when someone approaches me and tells me they are gay and I will still respect them as a person but doesn’t mean I follow the same mentality and am also gay. I hope you catch my drift on this. 

Now, back to truth. Ultimately, truth is meant to be searched, taught, and explained. It is never really as vague as people claim it is. Truth is apparent and the evidence shall always support it. I can say Christianity is the Truth, but then that is an absolute statement and will or must be tested. If all variables prove it to be so, then it will be. This is why I’m apologetics we try to bring to light the lights or error in beliefs and present truth. 

Now, I’m not saying Christianity has its perfect standard, other than Christ. Because Christians do indeed stumble. We are not saints and we still do get tempted. We’re human still being shaped by God to bear Christ’s image. It is now considered a religion by most when in reality a relationship in where the Spirit dwells within, the Son is the mediator to the Father, is established. There are false sects and even division because some people want to perceive things differently and at times, some discussions will be had. You may believe in pre trib, post trib and etc. Yet the foundation holds when you can properly hold to scripture, there is one God and We have all sinned, because of this, God himself, because no man can save himself, came to set us free and because of this, in repentance and turning back to Him, we are redeemed only through Him, for a just God shall declare a righteous judgment. But then of course we have some who disagree and try to dissaude others to believe their own notions. Ex: God is not trinity, there are three God’s so Christianity is false, jesus never existed and etc.

I usually like to see truth as a science experiment. I theorize, experiment, test and make a conclusion. Truth doesn’t change but our perception does or we become aware to the reality. What is important is to take time to properly seek and not dismiss because another says so, invest serious time and don’t be afraid to doubt or get into debates. In the end, if it is true, it shall not cause you to stumble. Gee_ology out.