Fingers intertwined as bodies cross in mind. Time in still motion with emotions echoing through the flowing stream. Dreams met in reality as fantasies made into pictures touched by lovers display, Ways of Whispers. Words shared as hearts synchronize. Prized treasured souls revealing the power of stars. Hearts beating in rhythm to breaths caught, running to meet parting lips. Endless tales spun and sung from dusk to dawn. Recounting the days and met with serenity through words spoken. Visits of yesterday to quiet rooms where the world meets one. Tomorrows spun into the hope of todays. Lovers dance, the eternal embrace.
Hmm, I wonder what is going on here?
I don’t know the answer to that, give me one moment and I’ll google it.
They haven’t texted back in about 3 hours, I wonder what is going on, maybe I can find an answer online…
What has happened to the world in this day and age? Many can fathom what I am getting at just by the title of this post, others because of the first three sentences. Google. But not just Google itself, though what I will discuss can derive primarily from it. The world has changed and continues to change as we evolve further into a more technological and digital age. We spend hours surrounded by it or engage with different mediums and it has now over encompassed our lives.
I remember working and one of my employees kept saying they weren’t feeling good, they looked up symptoms and it told them it could be a sign of cancer. I remember when I was younger and I looked up symptoms and it told me that I was pregnant (though, I am a guy). What I am discussing is basically, googling, our finding your answers online. We have become the people who look things up expecting answers that we will perceive to be the Holy Laws of the world.
I cannot fully tell you how many times I’ve heard people state that they look up relationship advice or etc, just to help them see what they can do to spice things up, fix and etc. Yet everyone is different and though I am pulling that one subject matter to the spotlight, it can be used for various things. Looking things up has to be taken with a very serious mindset. The internet today is flooded with misinformation or opinions that are perceived to be facts. We no longer fact check but instead just follow based on what we see is “credible” by someone who seems to have a following or because it appeared on the first page of google.
Now, I am not diminishing some of the things that people post. Everyone has a voice and voice their own opinions, as I am doing. What I am conveying or trying to describe is the simple fact that people become enthralled in the notions established that can be addressed depending on the situation or situations that someone else may be going through. Unless something is definitively proven and can be backed, we should tread lightly into letting us become consumed by the notions we “investigate”.
As we see the rise of mental illnesses rise in a digital age, we must learn to tread carefully into the form of overfed information that can be destructive if it is misinformation. Remember and truly take note that everyone is different. What worked or works for someone does not mean it will work for you or everyone. We become blinded by googling and even go so far to let it be the prime source of information, letting education be just a way of memorization instead of truly growing in knowledge and applying it to reveal wisdom we can pass on to others and let it reflect in our lives.
Now, I can be one to talk but I remember during my conspiracy days how I would try to stay away from social media and even google for that matter. Yet, I can be honest and state that I will occasionally scope out the web or pull google if I am unfamiliar with a topic I hear or want to know about. This doesn’t mean that I am also blinded by the same thing that I warn about, there are benefits if I or any other person uses the medium the right way. Like I’ve stated in past posts, the truth is self-evident and can always be revealed. Don’t just pull the first article you see but see the references, what was used to back up an article, notes, and etc, not just opinions or what appears to be biased to help your feelings be at peace.
We need to take off the googles (goggles) and learn to truly take the appropriate “eye exam”.
The sweat begins its descent from the agitated expression that has formed upon my face. The day’s inch closer and closer, haunting me. The shadows cast and holding me within in its cover. The return of NaNoWriMo.
Yet again, after a year of facing the barren desire to embark upon the journey that many writers have now undertaken, I come once again to the door of this moment. For those who do not know, Nanowrimo stands for the national writing month. It was created to help inspire and encourage writers to write about 50, 000 + words within the month and create their novels. The main point is just to write, devoid of mistakes, editing and etc. You write a certain amount of words per day and can even come together with other writers to just write.
Last year, I was so busy with work and life that I didn’t have a chance to properly participate in it. This year, I have taken it upon myself to properly engage and come together with other writers. Like I have stated in my previous posts, I have become my own obstacle course, I refuse to let my passion diminish. Writing is now going to be considered my second full-time job because ultimately it truly is something I wish to do till I die. I will get better in this craft and I have even become encouraged to once again go back to school, this time to maybe pursue something in English, creative writer and etc. I want to continue to grow as a writer, by reading, engaging with others, and learning every chance I get.
To those who have never participated in NaNoWriMo before, I strongly recommend and it is an experience that will help you grow as a writer. I am not getting paid to promote the whole system, site and etc (hahaha). What I am promoting is to continue following your dreams, as I am.
We come to truly know ourselves when we are at our weakest. We pretend that we are strong to many around us and that we could conquer the world. We spend hours masquerading and yet when we are all alone, we begin to truly see ourselves for who we are.
It comes to no surprise really, how we as individuals seem never to truly grasp what we are capable of, who we really are. I’ve spent years agreeing with what others would say, that I was a monster of some sort. I remember the walls I would build and then I remember the changes in which slowly had every brick collapse. Though now I am weary about the choices or people who come into my life, I am still learning about who it is that stares back in the mirror.
Hours spent with restlessness, plagued with thoughts that wish to escape the circulating thoughts that rage within. I find myself awake, still lingering on ways to help myself just be. It isn’t hard to describe, yet I understand that life must be pushed through. I continue on not merely hoping but beginning to take action into things that will allow me to further my reach to where I want to be.
I can spout these magical formulas or share what works for me but we are all on our own path, though we may cross from time to time or even follow the same road. Each step we take is our own. All of this being said, I also understand that we can share and come together to grow. Just because we acknowledge our frailty doesn’t mean we are truly weak in the sense that we can’t survive, it just shows that we survive because we are made strong by learning from our weakness.
I continue to let these hands and my words flow through on screen, in hopes to not only find a sense of peace but to help bring some to others. This world has become such a challenge but it is not impossible to overcome and at times the best company can be yourself but even better are those that understand you.
We all have our imperfections. We all go through things differently. We all look different. We all think differently. Rejoice in your uniqueness and embrace others as well. Learn that we are not alone and learn to first understand who you are, as am I. If this was the advice you can take from regarding my words let these words touch you in some way.
It is so easy to tell others what to do. To acknowledge what is the next step others should make because you see their world through your point of view. You get to step back and see all angles and most of the time we forget to do that for ourselves.
It is a difficult matter, to say the least, and say that life will “bring you down”. Other times we can acknowledge that we help forge our happiness and that life is derived by the choices we make. With all that being said, it is never easy to equate these words with our own life.
What is it that drives me to the edge of sanity? It may seem that I am going mad but based on the definition of insanity, you could compare me to such a state. I am a writer, it is in my bones, yet why am I not a writer? It is a perplexing question but let me explain myself. As those who may share this concern or understand what I write, once I have finished, maybe we can come together and find a solution. The problem is this, I simply do not let myself be.
We become lost in the complexities of life. We work full-time jobs, lack vacations, and because of the current state of the economy (in regards to the states, in my case) I can’t afford to take a time off. It is truly hard. What once was considered a livable wage is now a joke. Those moments that I could gather for myself, I waste based on the vanities of this world and I find myself secluded in my mind. I seek an escape and plague myself in work, yet because of expenses must sacrifice any sense of what I could be, by pretending to like or be someone I am not through the job. I’ve seen it as clear as day, people just like me, part of a system that kills dreams by cleaning them asleep while depriving them of what they need.
Now, I understand that time is a factor we can control and before we allow life’s difficulties to overtake us, we should grab the wheel and stay on course. Yet the reality is that things don’t always work out how we see fit. Even so, the plague of sitting myself down and writing is a feat on its own. Yet I must write. I feel like something is missing when I don’t write.
The consistency. How do people do it, I can easily tell people about ways to stay focused yet when it comes to myself, I lose track of time and focus. I’ve seen the worlds within explode or disappear because they are not shared. I’ve experienced moments that I wish to convey and describe so that others can grasp a sense of what it is, yet find myself hindering all acts of doing so.
I am the problem. I have masked who I am by allowing the world to distract me. I have lost that passion not because of what I say but because of what I don’t do. I look out and see what I need to do to survive and yet forget that sometimes I must risk it all and die. Such it is with love, you give your all and share who you truly are with another. When you find your purpose, you must do just that, if not you will always feel like you’re not giving it your all, you feel as if you need more.
Writing can be classified as a hobby but as well, as those other writers know, it is a way of life, it is becoming, it is who we are. All I can write is that I need to let myself just be. To stop trying to find a replacement and embrace who I am, master my craft and grow.
The tale once spun of a voyage to a destination unknown. Caught within storms or seas unseen. Dreams captivating the crew as sails set when the sun set. Guided by stars and light from above. The sea gave way to that which lies in the deepest of hearts. Love for the water’s embrace holds those close. Let all be drawn to the voyage.
Echoing rain beating down with thunderous applause. A display of power and calm that would rage for hours if left unchecked. Streams running across the face of the Earth, threatening to overturn the rule of land over water. This is all that I could see stretched out before me. I was never one to be found basking in the sun, to me, the water’s embrace was my calling. Covering me with a shade in storms that resembled the tempest masked by such a cold smile.
I cannot recall when I shifted from once being such an optimist. The blank gaze or emotionless canvass that was my face now lies barren. Imagine never coming to term with the changes that you are forced to make and now what you perceive as your “self”, is but a stranger. Yet, in my case, I was well aware of this character drawn out into this play. Many would deem me as emotionally impaired, though I was aware of things like love, compassion, hatred. No human being is truly devoid of emotions, yet in my case it can be different.
I can say for the most part that I act accordingly, displaying myself as a law-abiding citizen. My faults are my own and can be seen when I so choose. Time has revealed a true sense of identity, as has experience dealing with the intricacies of life. Deemed to be unfit to society, many try to categorize me into some sort of stereotype. People could say that I am just a by-product of society, DNA, environment, and etc. Yet it is fascinating to discover that, I am still changing and evolving to who I am or truly will be.
For the longest, I assumed that there was something wrong with me. I never truly fit in with people. I would stick out like a sore thumb, I would grow quiet and speak when necessary or when I had something of value to say. When I write, I do so with the intention to present, elaborate, give meaning, or reveal what I truly think and feel. Contrary to what people may believe as well, I am but a man, blamed for the wrongdoing of others. How can one be at such a fault? How can a man not notice that he himself is the cause for his downfall? Such trivial pursuits when it comes to following one’s own heart.
How can I speak in such a way? Reciting lines as if I was a spectator while revealing my own attributes as one who seems to be of no comparison to men. You could say that I have stood before man since the beginning of their rise from the dust. Seeing their tales are interwoven with history as my age was removed and countless. Yet unlike my predecessors or those who speak about my kind as prisoners, I find solace in what I am. This life that I am living is a gift, as is yours, never to be considered a curse. For you see, I am a vampire.
Let the words linger, feeling each breath escape as your tones shift and trail off your tongue. Unlike the stories that captivate men, I am far from the comparison of such weak, frail descriptions. The sun is, of course, my ally and I can take pleasure dancing in the rain. My skin shines only from the sweat and I am not granted any great feat that would have me transform to such an insignificant form like a bat. The word itself, vampire, vampyr, bloodsucker, only does so much to amuse me. But of course, let us not dismiss the fact that I do indeed require the blissful delicacy of blood, the life that streams through our bodies. I speak still as if to clarify that I do still share the qualities of man, never will I deny the fact that I was once mortal. Time may no longer hold record to beating heart but I still cling to it to keep my sanity. Years can flow as seconds as I’ve seen empires raise and fall in the span of centuries.
But these tales are to be told and in so doing, I will reveal more than what is shared, the truth that has been altered….
The pull to a never-ending desire, to write. I cannot describe nor define what true passion is. I can only fully describe or give proper understanding/meaning based upon what I learn or experience. Passion seems to be our drive, either to reach a level of happiness or a sense of complete serenity. But of course, this is what I see based upon my short lived life.
Let me be honest, what will I gain from writing to strangers or letting the stories I have yet to share be seen or indulged by the readers? I can choose a different subject to bring to the table and for the most part, we can equate it to be as the topic on hand. Now, writing has been something and continues to be something that I feel drawn to do yet as well, I have hindered myself as a writer by filling my time with vain pursuits. We all get busy, this is true, we learn that in life we either are going to school, working, taking care of those we love and etc. In my case, I have allowed myself to drift from my passion and it has begun to affect me in ways I have never seen. I cannot myself or others, as I’ve said before, but in my case, I feel as if I am missing something or that I am not where I am supposed to be.
I can go on in circles about how we shouldn’t let out passions drive us but that can only be said if it blinds us. I have found that true passion derived from love and truth can lead us to become better versions of ourselves help shapes us into who we will become. I am not the most proficient writer nor do I consider myself someone who could hold up to any seasoned write, sometimes I wonder what has called me to step into this scene, to even dare to compare myself or even embark in sharing words or stories using this medium of paper, screen, and etc. I don’t have the ole college degree, the vocabulary, and etc., based upon what I have seen, yet I still do it. I don’t need to be considered the greatest, I just want to write and continue to do so. Now, I do share my “work” to others because as I’ve learned, why not share your gift or what you could do to others. Life is better to be shared and for the most part, there will be those people who will relate to you or need to hear what you say, read what you write and etc.
I write this to all those with their own passions, don’t let it consume you to the point that you let it control you. Learn to balance and if it is rooted in love, truth, it will overflow and help you grow. Do the things you love and don’t let anyone tell you differently in regards to how it should be but know that art is who we are, we merely create pieces of ourselves so that others could see or understand.
Towering with claws of frigid despair, the beast is surrounded by roars.
Facing all and standing its ground.
The peak of men’s ascension.
Find its time carrying history before aged held in the record.
The story of mountain.
Take me to golden pastures.
Where angels dance or broken wings mend.
Come into vision oh serenity.
Bring solemn wishes to fruition.
Mask me with focus.
Your warmth is needed.