Truth in Life

Now I speak from a Christian point of view. Truth can be shaken and stirred but it will ultimately never mix with lies. Half truths are still lies in the end. Such it is when discussing subjects. 

Many may hold to a relative truth but it is a truth based on feeling, opinion or experience within the perception of another. Truth is dealt in absolutes. Though perceptions may differ, truth is derived upon the full study of a subject to reach the conclusion, not taken in parts to benefit our own understanding. Take a can and bottle of coke. Give an item each to 2 different people in a different space. Tell each that coke comes in that standard. When the two people come together and recite what they know they will say that coke comes in one way or the other. Yet we know as the observers that coke comes in both formats. 

Now people assume that this applies to religion or even science. Lots of people either claim that God is the same in all religions but appears differently. This of course cannot be the case as the God of Christianity stands apart from the rest as being the sole creator of all where no beginning of Himself came about but preexistent and omnipotent. As Well, some claim different beliefs within religion and uphold to religious standards and formulate their own idea of God. Mormons, seventh day Adventists and etc that all come from teachings of Freemasonry with different approaches or understanding. 

In science we see that laws are placed in the world with order and one cannot simply negate the truth or validity of how the world works. Yet people still try to base science as philosophical as to, why it exists. Within the search or truth of truth, so to speak, we see many things that are brought to the attention of man. We have morality, what is good and What is evil. We have established a firm judgment based on culture and as well, beliefs of the people, in majority. If, for the most part, a nation is part of a certain religion, then the laws will derive upon the system. Yet it is key to note that in some cases it is not the case. We have America where it was said to have been founded by Christian principles but in reality the founding father’s were theists, freemasons and etc, with a clear notion that all beliefs were to be respected. 

Respect doesn’t mean that you accept but that you allow without stirring any division. I can respect your choice to Not read this post but I also wish you would. It is like when someone approaches me and tells me they are gay and I will still respect them as a person but doesn’t mean I follow the same mentality and am also gay. I hope you catch my drift on this. 

Now, back to truth. Ultimately, truth is meant to be searched, taught, and explained. It is never really as vague as people claim it is. Truth is apparent and the evidence shall always support it. I can say Christianity is the Truth, but then that is an absolute statement and will or must be tested. If all variables prove it to be so, then it will be. This is why I’m apologetics we try to bring to light the lights or error in beliefs and present truth. 

Now, I’m not saying Christianity has its perfect standard, other than Christ. Because Christians do indeed stumble. We are not saints and we still do get tempted. We’re human still being shaped by God to bear Christ’s image. It is now considered a religion by most when in reality a relationship in where the Spirit dwells within, the Son is the mediator to the Father, is established. There are false sects and even division because some people want to perceive things differently and at times, some discussions will be had. You may believe in pre trib, post trib and etc. Yet the foundation holds when you can properly hold to scripture, there is one God and We have all sinned, because of this, God himself, because no man can save himself, came to set us free and because of this, in repentance and turning back to Him, we are redeemed only through Him, for a just God shall declare a righteous judgment. But then of course we have some who disagree and try to dissaude others to believe their own notions. Ex: God is not trinity, there are three God’s so Christianity is false, jesus never existed and etc.

I usually like to see truth as a science experiment. I theorize, experiment, test and make a conclusion. Truth doesn’t change but our perception does or we become aware to the reality. What is important is to take time to properly seek and not dismiss because another says so, invest serious time and don’t be afraid to doubt or get into debates. In the end, if it is true, it shall not cause you to stumble. Gee_ology out.

At War

Head splits open with notions. Commotions causing distortions forming forces. But I still stand. Let war bring me to the brink of my misery. Find me in its company but know I am not part. The bombs blasting fields. Empty emotions riveted in silence. Rushing sounds of nothingness basked by screams. All around me as I crawl to wake, I replace fear with joy. Resting in pieces but finding I’m whole. Trenches covered by dirt but I rise to face the giants. Battles of yesterday scar my nerves. Mental friction of depictions scaled by bullets carried in loads. Ricochet beams of existence giving reason to fight. Hands held high, ducking in surprise with barrels of heat grabbing my side. Let the shots ring, this is not over. I shall not surrender. Find me at war with the world. Grab hold the sword and await to deploy.

Contemplating Love

Love is rare while hate is common. 

The very sentence sends shivers down my spines when I feel it being said. I’m a 26 year old man plagued by questions from people wondering when I would find someone to tie the knot with. As the passing years pull me closer to my aging future, my old soul keeps afloat. 

I’ve wrestled with the idea of love ever since I was child. Growing up I fell in love with the idea of love and romance. Romcoms seemed to revolve around me and I believed in the illusion. Even now, much older and with a better grip at life, I understand my position as a man.

I’ve said it countless of times, being who I am, now I think, I tend to be seen as the mysterious type of guy. Some women find me attractive just by how I am or my sense of humor but as they get closer, know me for who I am, they tend to back off as I reveal who I am. 

I’m an old soul that holds strongly to placing his trust on God and life. I have my shortcomings and though I may not be pulling in 6 figures, I work hard and love my family. That being said, when I seem separated by their train of thought or not really a part of the “culture” it seems unattractive. I remember talking to this woman who was shocked when I told her I didn’t use Snapchat or Instagram. Is it really so shocking I rather not engage in that medium?

I have not put off the notion that I should pursue a wife. Scripture has laid it out for me and with proper discernment, I know one day I will meet her. 

I remember daydreaming about my future queen being sleeping beauty and asleep or caught in the illusions of what love has been defined. I come in as a fellow prince or knight, sword beside me and I go up to her and carry her away. 

What made me think about intimacy as of late was something my friend mentioned when I hung out with her. We were discussing my recent endeavors with love. I explained how things just didn’t really click as of late or it could be I wasn’t really trying. She said, “Maybe it’s because you still need to grow and learn from the experience with my ex.”. I responded with, “Which one?”, which she exclaimed, “the only one that mattered, that broke your heart and made you cry. The one that showed you true love. Maybe you are scared to open up and experience that again?”.

It made me think about the choices I’ve made regarding women who approach me. People say I hardly smile but when I open up, I am lovable and friendly. I’ve built this wall again that I swore was never going to form. It doesn’t do anyone justice or is fair. Everyone is not the same and I understood I needed to change as a person, grow and with that said, allow different relationships to flourish, not just an intimate one.

For now, I don’t want nor do I need the things of fairy tales. I’m not looking to rescue a princess, nor a fair maiden. I don’t ask for forever nor eternity, just now or until death. I’ve played those games and recited those eloquent words. I’ve invested trying to be someone I’m not to impress someone. I’ve tried saying the right things. I read countless articles and books about how to be with someone, maintain a relationship. I could care less for any of that. All I ask is someone who loves me for who I am and will not leave when things get tough. 

“Love is patient, love is kind…”, the verse and words of scripture resonates within me. It would seem the common thing we experience is not being alone but wanting to share the company with another. 

Hard Decisions

Customers chatters echoed over the music. I found myself lost in a train of thought as my boss kept calling my name. We were switching shifts and it was her turn to be the M.O.D-manager on duty. Scanning my surroundings I found that I didn’t fit in, I felt a tug on my chest as it hit me. It wasn’t just where I was at in the moment, my job, but where I was in life. It is like I’m looking at a hallway and the gates have locks and I have the keys to some but end result is to reach the end.

I’ve heard and keep hearing what occurs to individuals as they have a mid life crisis. It was at 25 that my life truly shifted to who I am now. Now at 26, it seems to hit me even harder that the choices I make, no matter how small, impact my life on a greater scale. 

I am a writer, this is now apparent, with the countless of artciles, and entries into this blog. I wouldn’t call myself the best and I understand that I have a lot to learn. I didn’t participate in NanoWrimo this year and with the completion of one of my books which I will release through Amazon, I keep seeing myself progress, slowly. 

I’m really not anxious about my future as much as I was a hear ago. Life has taken a lot of turns and the lessons I’ve learned allowed me to make critical decisions. Today, after much debate with myself, another choice was made. 

*drum rolls*
What could it be? Well, this may shock anyone that has been following my life since the start but I’m dropping out of college. Shocking. After all the talk about me finally going, I know it can seem surprising. I was going to major in biblical studies. But it isn’t for the reasons that seem to implement something is wrong with me or my life.

School has helped me realize a lot of things and helped me learn/taught me to get closer to God through an academic level. Knowledge by way of studying and getting closer to the word. I’m grateful for all my professors as well as my former classmates. Though all interactions have been online, I still am grateful.

The reality is not that I couldn’t pay for it or that I was bored of it all-I love to love. My understanding of it all or conclusion is that, for the moment, I don’t need it. I’ve noticed that most of what I learned, I already self taught myself by going to libraries and reading, talking to people, and living life. As a writer, I as well know that I don’t need a degree but the benefits of the classes, English and etc, is beneficial. The only true practice I have is writing everyday and reading. Beyond all of this, I will still attend workshops and if there are classes that are free somewhere, to help better my craft, I shall take them, when I could. I don’t intend to demotivate someone who is going to school or wants to go, college/university, is awesome and there are places, especially in the state that will not hire you without a degree. But like I’ve said, for now, it is not for me.

I tend to make very hard decisions and stick to it. When I don’t follow through and tend to hold on to something, it conflicts with my life. I’ve seen it happen with social media, every time I quit and find myself “back” due to staying in touch with people, I find myself contemplating my choices. People know that when I make a choice, I stick to it. Such is the case with all my recent decisions. I’ve invested more time growing as a writer because I know this is what I love to do, want to do, and Who I am. Just because I don’t go to school anymore or am “active” online doesn’t mean that I will not put in 100% into everything I do.

I currently live in Florida, though I love the weather, I also know as well this isn’t for me. From this day forward I will work to move. Now before someone gets technical and asks how will I do so without a job, if I don’t go to school and get a degree? I’ve been a manager now for about 7-8 years, I have a decent resume so it is not like I don’t have experience. I did manage before to freelance as a graphic designer and go to a tech school for it. I’m not making dumb choices, I make sure I analyze and then implement with sound reason before I initiate. I do take risks but from it all, I learn and grow. Just as I advice others, if you ever come faces with what to do, where to go, really look into your life, don’t be afraid and go for it but be sound about it. Be blessed all.

I’m Me

I’m a perfectly imperfect person searching for purpose and driven in service. I have no shame in who I am. I actually am confident and if I don’t like something, I change it. I’m as raw and honest as you’ll ever see. I didn’t understand that before but now I do. It’s good being me because in the end I’m too unique and there is only one of me. I don’t need to be someone else or wish to be them. I prefer my random, goofy, wise self. If you can’t accept me, then don’t act like it. I’m not here to impress people but shine and be the King I was meant to be. I have a good and bad side but I hope you can see beyond that. To love, live, share, teach, and lead in truth. I may be known as different names but I’m still me. I am Gee a.k.a Lucius. 

Lessons Learned

Live with no regrets.

I don’t know who stated this quote. I could spend a few minutes researching it but I just want to write what is going on through my mind. A lot of things can happen in the span of a few hours. 

I can’t fully explain what happens when depression strikes. It is a feeling of nothingness while you feel yourself sinking in an ocean. The waves hit you and after a moment, you don’t fight the waves any more. 

I found myself looking back at old pictures and even managed to track the tags of my old Tumblr account. Believe it or not but before I started on wordpress or even formulated the concept of a blog, that was my place of escape. I read through the mind of a young man who was so focused on love and was indeed in love. During those days I was with my ex and it made me think about things in a different perspective. Did I really know myself?

The question I asked myself sent shivers through my spine. It is not surprising how I would say that I was narcissistic before or even how I preferred to manipulate people. I hated that about myself and though I understand the lessons learned, I have found that I do regret. 

It isn’t solely on how I treated people. Before anyone thinks this is me not moving on from my ex, yes I loved her, she was my first true love and I can honestly say a part of me loves her still, but this goes beyond that. I regret the choices I made because another quote marks my heart. 

“You will regret not starting a year ago”. 

I could hear the words as I tap on the screen of my phone. Like a typewriter or keyboard, I prefer to hear the tapping of the keys as I’m writing an article, story, and etc. I regret not having the mentality I have now to who I was. It isn’t about wondering and contemplating, living in the past, though depression causes that; I find myself angry at not realizing the lessons sooner. 

There is a time and place for everything as scripture describes. I understand that. I will one day get married and continue on in my life. I will never have it all “together”. I will fail. I will rise. These are the lessons you learn in life. I just wish I knew them sooner.