Smart Phones Work?

30 mins left before I go into work. It’s true, I have a busy life. Being a manager at a retail store, freelancing or finding work for graphic design, church activities and finally podcast. Yet here I am, take my phone out and just write.

Some of you know how I decided to just get out of social media. From the giants of twitter, facebook, to my favorites like Tumblr, or even the “popular” ones to chat with, Snapchat. I just decided one day to come to terms with myself, looked into how to remove, gave no fair warning to all my “followers” and friends and poof, erased. Of course nothing is really erased online, I disengaged from the whole field.

Now some can disagree and ask why would I do that? I do get the weird questions and people looking at me weird when they find out I don’t partake in any of that. They even roll their eyes when I try to explain how I feel people aren’t really connecting, jump into conspiracy theories, or even say how and why I believe it is just a major distraction. Yet through it all, it helped me see one of the key fundamental things as a writer in this day and age, smart phones.

Yes, our phones. How can someone who talks so much about disconnected be so “connected”? It is actually quite funny to be honest. My phone has turned into my office and my personal computer all at once. And though people see it negatively I will help those writers who think they don’t have time, find time and also use your phones to the best and most productive way for your writing.

1. Download a writing app:

We all know google docs, word, but the one I personally use is jotterpad. I’m not getting paid to advertise, I wish. But seriously, in this day and age, find an app that works for you and your phone. Don’t have time to sit down on your computer? You carry your phone everywhere you go. So I’ll put the top 4 ways writing can be done on your phone and ways that will improve it.

2. You always have time, if not, make some:

From the ten minutes you are taking a break, to your hour lunch break, waiting for kids to get out of school, on the bus, uber, few minutes before bed. You have to time. Be serious with yourself and learn to commit and prioritize. Do you really want to be called a writer or publish your book? Sacrifice that night out you might get wasted and seriously write. Im not saying drop everything but like I stated before, you have time in between events, with your phone, you can write literally from everywhere and anywhere.

3. Link your phone to a Dropbox or drive online:

Trust me, this right here has for more occasions than most has saved my butt. I could be writing and just save, link, upload and when I have time to sit down in the corner of my room to actually write on my laptop it makes things easier. I feel as if I am never behind and even if I do decide to head out, I could write at a later time and not worry about missing deadlines or work.

4. Don’t become distracted:

This right here is harder for some people. Now this is for writers I’m trying to convey. What I learned was that I don’t really need social media. If people truly cared about you, they would text and call you and vice versa. You actually start to notice who really wants to know about your life and not just see a highlight reel. Besides that, you start to focus on life and become present not watching timelines or sharing silly pictures. Granted you may feel as if you are missing out on peoples lives but the reality is when you meet up, you learn to appreciate all the catching up and building something real with them. Not only all these benefits, when you turn notifications you may not need, little fun games on your phones. It’s good to take a break and relax at times but also don’t get dragged into the world of notifications and wanting to be “liked”. If you are on social media and it works for you, hey, it works for you. You learned how to balance it and not let it control you I hope.

Now learn to do this and apply it with the other 3 and you are golden. Smart phones are actually good for the name. They do make life easier in a bit and it all is a matter of if you know how to use it properly. Be smart about it. Gee signing out, be blessed all.

Thoughts of Reality

Today I saw the reality of this world through people. There was a brief moment where I felt as if time froze and those moments, I felt the gravity of the world.

I can’t really explain what it was that I felt, yet I can say without a doubt I felt how distant I truly am.

For the most part I am good at relating to various things that are happening in the world. If someone is talking about the latest shows, I like watching various, not only to see stories being depicted but giving me inspiration to my own work. Yet as people discussed events, I stood on my own, wondering about my state of mind and the state the world is in. It was an eerie feeling to say the least as I try to bring it into words. For the first time in a long time, I felt alone.

The truth is I’ve been feeling like this for awhile now. I feel like I am moving away from people and in turn feeling like I am alone. The more I study or research, the closer I get to God, I truly see myself as set apart. This is by no means a way to declare I’m like novelty or better than anyone it just a way I’ve been feeling. But as well, there is something within me that calls out, trying to be filled. We long for temporary things or try to fill this longing within it, but it is of no success. I am plagued by the way I think or how I am. Sometimes I feel it as a curse. To feel so much and yet feel nothing at all sometimes. To be able to know truth and still respect and abide to others because you try to bring them light and hope without leaving them in dismay. To feel a need to do more and yet feel trapped. To know you could do so much and know that what I do now is enough. To have so many questions and know someone of the answers, yet a want to change them.

I will not lie and say I’m 100% healed and saved from my depression. There are moments where it all feels numb or I feel everything at once. Yet today it was as if I could see myself as if I I was someone looking from the outside and yet knowing what goes on in my mind. Besides that, I could feel as if I was still missing something in life. We are told time and time again that Jesus is all you need and thus it’s true but in all honesty I don’t know why I feel as if I’m still missing something. Or is the reality that I am tricking missing because I miss someone? Is that which I hold unto as love still gnawing within me? Yet I am but a memory now and as I continue in life, I let it all fade away and allow history to be set in place, marked forever in stone in that which is Earth.

The Mask

I remember the line, “It’s smoking!”, the classic movie Jim Carrey played in during the 90s. It related to my life in many ways and now looking back at it, more than what I would like to admit. Though some don’t even know that the film itself is an adaptation from the original comic story.

For those who aren’t familiar, there’s a guy who finds a mask and when he puts it on becomes something else, or someone else. Like the story of Jekyll and Hyde. Though I never got into reading the whole series of the comic, the movie did play a role in shaping my life subconsciously.

Like I explained in my recent blog post, I’ve grown tired of the facade that I seemed to make myself into. So many people know this false identity that it really is tiring to say the least to keep up with him. Now that I officially am more so myself, I’m removing the mask. Now why the cover up you may ask? It really was as a ruse, I wanted people to think of me as something else, while still being in the shadows. A mystery. Just as Bruce Wayne acted like he was a douche or even how Clark Kent acted the way he was, all too hide who they really were.

I never wanted people to get close to me. From the days I ventured into the occult and was slowly being led away from it, I knew my past would scare people. Especially my family, I was cold, dark, and so I allowed humor or my sarcastic side to take root and made my own persona. People nowadays know me to be that pun, literal, “smart” guy, being slick and sassy. Those who get a hint of who I am see me for a bit of who I am, a loving, humble guy, who prefers being alone, yet have intellectual conversations with others. I’m not part of the norm of what most people think. True, wearing this “mask” has started to become part of who I am, I still enjoy jokes, it isn’t who I am. Like some may know, I removed all social media but that is because I feel it is a waste, I find one gets disconnected with the world and people rather than being in the moment. And now looking back at it, it seems I would always do it while I was trying to let learn yet I was being conformed to ways I never liked. Even then I can honestly say, I have done things I am ashamed to admit, people I’ve hurt and etc, but as well I feel I grew more distant trying to hide it all then allowing people to truly know me and see how much I’ve changed.

The reality is we all wear masks at times. We might work in a job we dislike and still smile at people, act a different way. The truth is we act differently to everyone we meet depending on our level of trust with them. And to a point you shouldn’t give your heart out freely or allow others to know your secrets buy there comes a time when you just have to be yourself. This is the point I’ve reached. I am young, I haven’t had a mid life crisis. But I do feel that I am as weird and out of the norm as they come. Most people find it weird, my recent changes and for the better, I now can see who really took the time to get to know me or even want to learn. We wear our masks comfortably and slowly lose ourselves, we become something else. This should never be the case. Instead, be you, the world will shape you or try to present you an image to bear, but in reality your identity is not found behind a mask, learn to admire and appreciate who you see in the reflection, and once you do you’ll find others who do as well. The truth is better than a lie.

I’ll Show My Hand

What’s that famous line said in poker? Show your hand? Or so I believe it to be.

Let me be fair to those that read my stories, my blog, my articles. I’m human, just like you. To some, we can relate and declare ourselves to be writers. I for one strive to be as honest as possible when it comes to my words and work.

For me, writing is much more than trying to make a name for myself. I feel like something is lost in the venture to be an author of sorts. Don’t get me wrong, every author would love to see their stories read and their hard work appreciated. But I also believe there is more to it all.

Even now, I sit here in the tub( I know, too much info), writing on my phone the thoughts that escape me unto a screen. I feel as a writer, or as all writers, we each have a story to share and until we do, we don’t feel as ourselves. Writing is of course taking an idea, experience, subject, and showing our point of view, even if it is a biography, our words deceive the person, or event, etc.

Some who follow what I write, get to see who I really am as a person. Beyond the looks I get as a person, you see my soul, my mind, my words. They do say actions speak louder than words but I have seen that words have true power and is lead by actions when it is true. Writing in essence is that which is you.

Now there are some who abuse it, in all honesty. There’s ways that teach you to manipulate your reader, catch their attention. A reader should be entertained or interested, true, but I believe as well it should always inspire, teach, encourage. Then again my belief stems from what the bible says, to always do these things, out of respect and the well being of others.

So I show my hands. The cards given to me to serve my purpose. I’m not going to lie and say I would love to get paid to do so, write. Have a book or books that are well known. But like I’ve stated before, I prefer people actually learn something.

I don’t have a degree in English, creative writing, journalism, etc. I am learning as I go and truly write from the heart while also being a reader and researcher, knowing what I write and honing my gifts to get better. I admire when someone follows this blog and appreciate the likes, don’t think I don’t. It all encourages me to keep going and as I grow, I hope my words keep inspiring and motivating others.

To my fellow writers, don’t give up. Be upfront and reveal that which you feel the world needs to hear. Continue to write. As I always say, as you write, continue to bleed.

Limitless

Time. Age. Education. Degrees. Careers. Family.

Vague intro is it not? You would think that with a title like the one I decided to pick I was going to talk about how to obtain an infinite amount of these things. A motivational way to excel and supersede any notions described before. Based on my previous work, it could all point to that but more so I want elaborate on some things. Very few times we allow people to speak up or spend time reading someone’s work because they are not “well known”. Yet, I don’t care about being well known, fame, fortune, none of that concerns me. Like some people know who follow my work, I’ve had enough and lost it all before. What I will give is tips to live a life with meaning, I won’t label it the 10 things you should do, but I can say, these things changed who I was and made me who I am today. So I guess I would say this is the magnificent 7 things that I’ve found to make me limitless in life.

1. Age is just a number:

It is true that age can help define who we are, when we are 18 we become adults, when we are 21 we can drink(here in the states). Yet I’ve found people limit who they are because of this. “Adults” feel a type of way if they tell their friends they like cartoons or even how you are supposed to act. The key phrases I hear nowadays is “act your age”. Yet I respectfully believe maturity is not defined by age nor should creativity be diminished because of it. Sometimes we say things like, if only I was younger. Stop. You are alive, live life to the fullest, don’t be reckless but with your experiences be mindful. If you want to get a degree in something do it, don’t be restricted by age.

2. Always follow and speak the truth:

I cannot tell someone how much I could turn back the wheels of time to fix my mistakes. In all honesty, I know and understand why my last ex had her doubts about me, I understood why I lose friends and why my parents are always wondering about me. I am a very mysterious person, secretive in fact. My writing allows me to “come out” of the shell I allow myself to go into which is my mind. Yet one thing I can say without a doubt is to follow truth. Not a matter of opinions or high sounding philosophies but truth in its absolute. As well, be willing to speak it, even if people hate you or you walk alone. The truth is better than a lie and honesty is key to living a successful, “happy” life. Speaking honestly, I would say, I love spending my time writing, I am in love with someone who probably never wants to see me again, I love God, and I may not be rich but I can say I’ve lived and am living.

3. Don’t believe horoscopes or fancy guides:

Yes, I know, you would think I wouldn’t place this on my list, but I must. We are so caught up in these notions, the truth is, we cannot be led astray by vague descriptions of events we have no true control over. We can define our future, that is true, but to an extent. That being said, don’t let your desire be clouded by a false sense of who you should be or what you can accomplish. I see people following these things or even when I had social media, posting about it. Friends and family saying that they are a capricorn, cancer, and etc and they base their lives upon this. People listen to the top 10 ways to get your perfect man/woman. Thing is, people are just people. We each experience things differently and grow on our own. The guides or lists can serve as a way to help make a choice but guess what? It’s still a matter of our choice, I could say I’m still kind of iffy about fate and etc but one thing I know is this, I chose to write this now, instead of earlier when the idea came to mind. Be you, not what someone may claim you to be.

4. Be present:

Ah, the good ole subject I love to speak about which truly has hit my the past two months. I always think about a lot of what has transpired in my life. In fact, the past and future haunt me more than the present, I am as is stated in a psychologists point of view, an ambiverted, OCD with depression and anxiety. Or like I like to see it now, human. I’m not going to lie, I have a tendency to over think things, I like to be a realist in the sense that I look at the bad as well as the good, but that doesn’t mean I’m “weak minded”. In fact, it shows I’m human, in willing to look at all angles and be prepared. That’s how I see time now, as a way to prepare while still living my life as it passes by. I don’t know the future but I won’t let it cloud my judgment on how I should live. I have goals and dreams and I work for them but I can change my mind later on. All I can do is live, truly live, the past is gone and so I should remember but not let it hold me down, instead I should grow and learn from it.

5. To love and learn to be loved:

Another topic I speak about, but more so for the fact that I truly want others to understand the beauty of it. People ask how I can know love in such a way or even describe it if I don’t have anyone and I’m single. I always respond with, what do you mean? I have my family, my closest friends, and God, plus my dog. What more can I ask for? I understand that love is beautiful and is a choice, sacrifice. And to be able to not only give love but learn to receive it, in all its truest forms by the right people. To be able to truthfully know love is to be give love.

6. Soul mates don’t exist:

I’ve heard it all before, he’s or she’s my missing piece, my other half. Stop it. No one is your other half, you are complete. No one will “complete” you, but it is nice to have someone who will carry on with you in life as a support and teammate. I remember the words I told my ex, I think you are the “one”, yet look at me now, single. Love isn’t about the “one” it’s about working as a team with eachother and never giving up. There should never be a one but two, two people who truly live eachother apart from all odds. Who you decide to marry and see past their imperfections and hold onto no matter what, that is your special person. I see so many people caught in the lie or fantasy and they let so many relationships pass by or become destroyed. Love and learn what love really is.

7. It’s ok to want or be selfish at times:

Pride, selfishness, it is a sin and causes troubles, believe me. I for one can attest to being always a very selfish person. In fact, in most relationships it seems to always draw to a me, me, me. But I’ve learned there is a balance to it all as I matured. It’s okay to want something, desire someone, but don’t let it consume you or turn you greedy. Learn to value what you have and who you have. We know what we would like and if it benefits us in all the right ways to improve who we are and does not conflict with others, and we can attain it, than do so. But like I said, it’s better to be humble or give than to receive. Don’t settle for less than your value, because truth is, you are special and beautiful, no matter how you look or feel. The truth is we all try to gain equality but the truth is we are all different, and that’s what is special about each and every one us. Don’t be defined by a career or a level of education, go for the top and go beyond, if you think you can than strive to do so but as well learn to understand that life is more than pursuits but about having people with you. So learn balance while also learning to know what you want.

I just don’t know

Sigh…another day. It’s been a few days now since I stared into a screen and allowed myself to “bleed” (so I describe writing). I’ve been in a very contemplative mood as of late. Life seems to continue on its course and I feel as a stone who doesn’t budge but drowns in the depths of its course. It’s all become a blur to me in actuality. I used to be that “guy” who had it all figured out or knew what to do. Of course, my OCD was usually the cause of my organization but as late I feel the reality that life is truly uncontrollable.

I remember as a young guy how I would dream about living on my own and at the time following my dream of being a pilot. Now looking at my reflection upon a mirror, I’m 25, with a desire to write. The years I spent in school to become a graphic designer now seem to have been just a way to lead me to where I am now. I could remember all the details in which allowed me to grow as a writer now, the push, inspiriations, and even then I am uncertain what the future holds still. I have so these big plans and I keep hearing people say that we need to pursue our dreams and reach our goals. Thing is, I’ve done that multiple times and even then I’m still at a loss.

When I was a freshman in high school my goal was to graduate, being the first person in my immediate family to do so, since my father and mother never finished, and brothers dropped out to work and help maintain the family. Once I graduated I developed a “10 year plan”. This plan said by the time I was 23 I was going to finish school and by the time I was 25 have a house/start a company and by 27 married. When I became 23 I bought my first house, at 25 now I did manage to finish school and like I said I have a house, granted I don’t have a bachelor’s degree and yet I find no “degree” or title defines who I am.

Through all of how life really is, the vain pursuits we push to obtain and in such efforts never truly live and just exist. And I see that now, how I rather spend time with family, growing in wisdom and knowledge, spreading truth, and sharing love, helping people rather than what most people do. Granted I’m not saying people’s lives are worthless it’s just, we think we know how life will play out and forget the true value of it or our purpose. I’ve found that I truly just want to be here, now, and write. The future will come on its own time. I don’t know who I will marry nor if my writing career truly does kick off in the future. But what I am certain of is that I want to live, not just become a slave to a system we have been fashioned to follow since birth. And so I encourage everyone to let go of the past, don’t try to hold to an idea of the future but be willing to accept the future is uncertain and begin to truly let life run its course. Be blessed.

Traveling Man

The sun burned my skin. I don’t even know which was worst, the rays of scorching heat literally turning me to a crisp or the barren, paved road, as black as tartarus cooking me like a frying pan. I gazed above, covering my eyes with my hands. There were two vultures circling above. Their shadows in perfect unison as if they were performing a play and this was just a tragedy. But it was. A lone boy, a runaway, no where to go and stuck in the middle of no where. It was actually quite funny. My delusions of running away with my families fortune only to spend it all and be alone, no home and no where to go. Days without eating or proper sleep, now hoping for someone to take pity as I lie here on the street.

someone….please…..I thought.

Thud. Thud. Thud. I heard footsteps approaching. I was so caught into my thoughts I almost couldn’t hear them. The man was close by. My lips trembled, I could hear the crackling from them as I tried to lick them to speak. It was bad enough I couldn’t even muster enough spit.

I could see him now as I turned to face him. As he approached all I could see was a silhouette as he stood towering over me. I tried to speak but it was as if all my energy had depleted.

“Rest now my child, hear have something to drink.” his voice was as an angels in my hour of need.

He lifted my head and gave me water. I coughed a bit back up as I was surprised by how cold, clean, and delicious it tasted in my mouth. Who would of thought, water would be so good. As I blinked, drinking and feeling this bliss I could see a smile on the mans face.

After awhile I tried to speak.

“T-thank…you…s-sir…”, my body was still tired, my voice sounding rasp.

“My child, rest for we have much to do. Once you are rested we shall go.” the man responded in a calm voice.

“B-but to where? I have no where to go.” I responded.

“No where? I believe we are going home. It’s simple, if you follow me I shall show you the way.” the man smiled at me.

Who was I for this kind sir to stop in his travels to help me, I was nothing I thought. Only thing I had on was rags and looked beaten, defeated, on the side of the road.

The man looked out to the distance, “Thought where I am going you will not be able to follow, as long as you follow me I shall show you the way. There is hope my child, for though we may feel as if life has no meaning, is in darkness, there is light. I shall show you life.”

I started to get up. I had rested enough. I looked up at him.

He looked at me and spoke, “Follow me. Leave all your worries behind.”

We started to make our way….home.

I Shall Bear Witness

Order, order in the court…do you swear to speak the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?…….I do….

Many of you pictured or imagined a courtroom as you read the sentence above. It’s funny how we so easily disregard life as a whole sometimes or see the value in it. We don’t “bear” witness to it. We see the world around us and live within it, upholding our own ideologies or beliefs. Yet, what can we say about revealing what we believe or perceive to be as truth by being witnesses to it.

It comes to no surprise that our characters are determined not by our words but by our actions. That which we do is for the most part what defines us, a tree is seen by the fruit it bears. Such it is in life and though we can all agree to this, why is it that when we present truth in its purest form, we disregard it in our lives? How can this be? Simple. The truth we uphold is shown or revealed by our lives.

We live day by day, we are taught that man is destined to die but while he is here on earth he must find his purpose or live a happy, successful life. This for the most part is understand as the “truth” of the human race in this day and age. Depending on the culture, things will be added as in, finding a spouse, getting a good job, a house, a dog, or even 1-2 kids. We go to school to achieve this or take into affect a trade to practice and apply what we learn. We begin to “wear” this notion and everything we learn, based on experiences and emotions, begins to shape our lives. Such is it with what we gather to be truth.

We understand by what is defined that truth is that which is true, something we can prove with facts, but what does it really mean? We can go on for hours debating the definition but what I have found is an acceptable one is, that which is derived to be what is and will always be, unchanging, visible or presented to be accurate based on what is established or presented. It might sound a bit philosophical but trust me it is not. It is contrary to what many believe is truth which is relative, opinions, derived by our emotions. In essence or for example, 2+2 is a mathematical equation, what was determined to equal 4 now, shall be 4 based on its core foundation when it was presented apart from someone saying in a relative view, it equals 5 or can equal 5.

Now what exactly am I trying to explain here? Simple, the truth we so eagerly share with others we seem not to “bear” it. Those who speak of equality for the most part, sees a part of themself as biased, they may still stereotype or hold to slightly different beliefs. Someone who believes in a God, will reflect it truly in their lives if they fully do believe it. Thus, my title for this article is now revealed. Let me bear witness.

I’ve lived a short yet full life in my opinion. I’ve experienced much but one thing I can properly say is, I believe there is a God. In so being the case I am shown or to properly relay, I allow my life to be a testimony, proof that God is real. Not only do I present the Gospel but I also allow himself to show himself through me. I was not a saint, nor do I ever claim to be one. I fail many times and I am not perfect yet, compared to how I was before, it is remarkable. Sure, we can have psychologists state that it was a changing of the mind. Yet, on the contrary, to state I had control over anything is misleading. You see, I couldn’t really do much only God could. Just as ta problem we face as 2+2=4, man can do nothing or be considered “good” without God. We think we are and we can act like it, but wear is the proof, the truth? Just because we say so? What about what is actual truth? You see life is not a game, not all roads lead to heaven, and no matter how much “truth” we spout, only our lives will reveal what we believe. Just something to think about. Live the life you speak, even if you are not a God fearing man, if you want to be respected based on your beliefs, respect others and etc. As for me, I shall bear witness.

I’m A Writer

​I reminisced about the good ole days. The days when I would spend hours writing or creating new stories in my head to draw or bring into picture for the world to see. But this didn’t start out of mere luck or a need to fully express myself. It start by the simple words readers know all too well, “Once upon a time…”

Looking back from the very beginning, I can tell you that my journey as a writer has had its ups and downs. I would love to say I’m a published author with like a dozen books, but frankly I’m not. Still, that doesn’t mean I consider myself less of a writer or not capable to perform those feats. Through all that I’ve experienced it feels like it has led me to where I am today. 

Like my little intro described, I remember the days I would simply “zone” out at school and just draw or write, creating my own comic book and manga. The stories always intrigued me and I didn’t care if it was all just said and done, I had my own personal take on it and was proud to call it my own. It wasn’t until last year that I fully decided to pursue this passion that burned me from the inside until it could reach the surface. I’m a writer. I can now state that with a smile on my face and no real feeling of failure in life. I know this is what I’m good at and also what many must come to realize. 

Let’s be honest with ourselves. Who of us can state that we are pursuing our dream job? We can chase the money and the fame but do you honestly feel content? Sure I can throw myself into the limelight and state that I’m not “banking” in writing. For the most part I wrote here on my blog while working on my book. I have a couple of short stories spread out in different mediums. Still, like I said, I claim the title of writer. I can explain it as clear as day, writing is just in my blood and the more I embraced it the more it is revealed to me. Hence, why I encourage people to read, write or just be creative. You never really know what is inside you waiting to come out. Don’t be afraid of what others may say, work on your craft and grow, find support and keep working towards your dream. As I write this article I look out to the world, not only for people who are going to read my work in the future but also those who will reveal their own “work” in whatever gift or talent they have to shine with.

Am I A Memory

For who am I? Shall I venture into the past? A memory seeming to be trapped. Long forgotten or so I desire. To be thrown in thoughts of constant fire. Bring me into remembrance of what is now. Dig me through the cold, snow to what is bound. Come in haste as they emerge. Present to me with reason the secrets of my soul. See that the future is not yet forged….still….these memories, holding on to the edge of mind. Heart filled by choices and feelings through signs. Never forgotten is love, no matter the distance, nor time. But allow me to grow and be changed for who I am, not who I was and yet to be.