Tag Archives: change

I’m Ready

“I was born ready! ”

We have all heard or said that quote. Amidst countless of reasons we present a state in which we believe we can overcome or endure.  Now what usually happens is that things may not turn out the way we envision.  Nonetheless, we are prepared,  even if we may not fully agree.  

My life has taken quite a turn, from being troubled by my depression and anxiety, to God fully taking control,  once again.  I honestly feel good and my mindset has shifted. 

I tend to discuss a shifting or a change that occurs in us.  I’ve learned through this recent transformation that I held to the notion in which most of us hold to, “better me”. Sometimes we tend to believe that attaining something, being someone,  or even being with someone will change us,  make us better. What if I was to tell you that no matter what is on this green Earth we won’t be a better version of ourselves. 

Before you grab the pitchforks and hunt me down, hear me out.  I hold to a biblical worldview,  I’m Christian so I hope that comes across clearly to those who do not know me or my writing.  All this being said, we are not perfect  nor should we ever cling to the idea of perfection, if it isn’t Christ. We are all sinners and because of our nature, sin entering us,  nothing we do or say, have,  will alter this.  Paul spoke about it in scripture, apart from God,  we will fail,  and only God can save /change us. 

God wants us to be image bearers.  When the Holy Spirit enters us and dwells within,  we begin to bear the fruits,  reflecting Christ. We are given a new heart and a new spirit.  Things we did or how we are, radically alters and just as He is holy,  we pursue to be it as well. 

We’ve tried it already, we worked for x amount of years, graduated college, acheieved that goal, started a diet,  but did it really change who we are? It might have changed an outcome or surrounding but ultimately did it change us. The problem we haven’t realized is that true change is internal, it is a soul and heart change,  our perceptions and that in turn breeds true transformation. 

I’ve seen people discuss how they will go on a diet and then fail within a week.  I’ve seen people struggle with pornography for years. What needs to happen is a true heart shifting and mentality.  This I’ve learned can only be done by God. Now I’m not saying it isn’t possible for anyone to truly change. We have it in us to change but without He who is life,  it becomes a vain, egocentric pursuit. We will preach about what we did and etc.  You will hear motivational people discuss that you need to be a better you, while still developing a plan that may have worked for them but does not benefit you.  We each have our own path to follow and purpose. 

So then I’ve come to realize that I am truly ready now.  Before I was my own limitation,  I was in the way.  It doesn’t mean that I will stop being myself but that I will be who I was intended on being.  It is by the grace of God through faith in Jesus that I am alive and completely different than who I was.  I could have and should have been dead long ago, in my trespasses of sin and so forth. So as a way to help others understand this I challenge everyone who reads this to see where their heart is,  are you really ready for change or will you continuously hold to being born ready,  still waiting to be a “better” you. 

Being A Man


I’ve heard it all before. The questions arising as if I’m seeking the answers once again. Before it all may sound confusing I’m talking about being a man. 

Some can ask me, “Did I really do it, crack the code?”. There isn’t a “code” to be cracked. The common issue I’ve come to realize that has plagued us men is that we have allowed the world to define who we are.

God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Gen. 1:27)

In Genesis, God reveals to us that He made man in his image. We’ve been allowed to embody the same characteristics of God; To feel, love, and etc. Some can argue and say we were not completely human as we ate from the tree, allowing us to know good and evil. Reality is, the dire consequence of that moment bred sin, evil into the world, our connection to walk with God lost, that is til Jesus. 

From as early as I can remember, I’ve been told that I wouldn’t be a man until x reasons. Until I was able to drive, drink, had sex, was 18, could vote, had a job, bought a car, bought a house, had a family, and etc. As I grew, I kept checking off the qualifications and always asked myself the simple question, am I a man? 

People can tell me that they know when, yet again, They hold to what someone defined for them. It isn’t like one day we wake up and say, “Hey, I’m no longer a boy!”. Puberty can hit us and still, people will say that girls mature faster. In my life I had to mature dramatically due to being homeless and the effects of my choices, the street life and etc. So then does all of that qualifies me as being a man? No. Does being 26 years old guarantee I’m a man? No.

Throughout my years I’ve seen that being a man can only truly be determined by 3 things. Who we are in Christ, who we are to ourselves, and to others.

Now some can debate and dismiss this notion that we are determined by who we are in Christ, I am Christian of course, so a non believer will simply say that their manhood is not defined by a fantasy. Yet to my point, Christ, who was a man that lived and breathed, historically was said to have lived a blameless, perfect life, so even if one does not believe in his divinity, can still come to the realization that he is the standard we are to meet. For those in the faith, Christ is not only the example we follow but also the God who shaped us in his image, to reflect who He is. 

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.” (Psalm 1:1-3)

Our hope is not only found in Christ but our manhood. Christ has foreseen who we are and has set us out to tend to His work, to obey and live the godly life.

“Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.” (Gen. 2:15)

When it comes to who we are to ourselves it is about learning self-love as well being honest with oneself. It is easy to try to go to the gym or even put in work for a new look, car, etc. But why do you do those things? Do we lie to ourselves to attain something and if so, would it truly benefit is or help inflate our ego? To know who we are is to learn to respect ourselves as much as others. Sex will not make you a man, No matter how many females you do it with. Being in a relationship or getting married won’t either. To learn your flaws, work on them and improve, this is what allows us to grow. We are not perfect and when we learn to accept who we are, what our limits are, and etc, we come closer to the truth.

Who we are to others also plays a key role in determining our manhood. Are you a husband who leads as well as being led? Are you a hard worker who puts in his full effort in all that you do. We have been throughout time seen as the “strong”, the courageous, as is spoken about in scripture to be that way. As well, We are not just told to be presented as warriors but also to be as kings, lovers, and teachers. We must love and respect others and be firm in truth and love. This is why men take to arms to protect peace or to liberate others, Why some truly serve others as well. Men or I should say a true man, understands that he is part of something more than himself and in knowing this, he works to help make it better or stronger. 

In today’s age we have instead allowed ourselves to a villian or act like a victim. Men are seen as weak when emotions are shown. In the race for equality between genders roles may have flipped, who brings the bread in, but don’t be discouraged and think it makes you less than a man. Take it from someone who has gone down the list, I didn’t really grasp the significance of what it meant being a man as well as trying to figure out what to do since I knew I was one. Boys eventually grow up and decisions will be made that will not only impact you but others, you must be ready for that. You will have sex and if not careful, you will have a child, you must understand the consequences and be able to handle them as they come. Being a man is being someone who acknowledges all of this and does not wait idly by. 

This post isn’t just to help those men who believe in the illusion the world has created for us. Wasn’t to help you fully grasp what being a man is either but a wake up call to help you reflect in who you are in Christ, yourself and others. What needs to change, why do you need to change? From man to man and to any women that read this and wish to pass it along to the men, by all means. This is Gee_ology signing out, be blessed all.

Revealing Yourself Through Love

We long to be understood or interpreted the right way. Most of the time it is hard. We are stereotyped and categorized by experiences or even the culture. Take me for example, because of my past, people would assume I am the same, yet I’ve grown since those days. They assume they know me, based on what they hear, yet my life is a complex array of masks worn or tales told to keep people distant. Yet what I can honestly state now is if you would like to know me for who I truly am, ask now. There is a lot I kept hidden but I humbly ask for forgiveness to all my friends and family.

 We hear about people being a type of way, a race being a type of way, and that keeps us from revealing who we are. So we look for memes, status’s, quotes, or anything that will allow us to share what is on our mind, in our hearts. My advice? Let it out, no matter what you think others will say about it, about you, let it out. I’m not saying let it go. We think we can just replace feelings or thoughts with nothingness, as if it never was. I keep saying it, it is okay to feel, it is okay to express yourself. 

You are not what most people see you as. I’ve longed to understand this, to know myself and it took having everything I thought I knew, come crashing down. From believing I thought I knew love, to find true love. From seeing myself in my darkest of hours to see that there is truly light. And now, I try to share this with others, every chance I get.  Please, understand this. Give people chances, not everyone is like your ex, that pervy person, the “lunatic”, the abusive parents, and believe it or not, people can change. But also be aware not to be taken for granted. You can change as well but so learn that you have value and a purpose as well.

We long to be understood, yet have grown so cold trying to understand others and instead we label them. Yes, I’m Christian, I know myself not to be perfect, my  life is centered in and with God, but as well, I know myself to be a wretched mess born again by the grace of God. 

Listen carefully, you are beautiful in your own way, you were made to shine. What you surround yourself with, ultimately shapes you. What you reveal in your actions, determines your heart choices. Words are wonderful and when given true meaning, can mark and imprint themselves in one’s soul. I generally speak or write in such a way to grab an audience, but listen, I’m speaking to you. Yes, you reading this now, you are loved, in knowing this, be filled with love and in turn, let it overflow. Let not this culture shape you into someone who loses their humanity. Be a light, reflect who you are and be understood. You can say you feel alone or you are better off alone, but trust me, it isn’t worth it. I’ve experienced a life where I was, or I should say, felt alone. I always considered myself the villian, only because everyone would eventually leave. But that was my narcissistic affect. I wanted the world to be centered around me, my ego, but that is not love, life. 

To be understood is to be naked, to find those you can trust, share your gifts, talents, love without condition or selfish intentions. To be understood is to learn to be who you are and first come to understand who you are, through the darkness you have faced and the blessings you consider the “good”. You do not find happiness nor love, it is a choice, it requires action, sacrifice, and it is something you do everyday. I’m writing this now, in the early mornings because it is something I strongly feel the world needs to take in and learn. You are not alone, I am here, the voice to the voiceless. Observing the world around me and studying it but also helping others see what I’ve come to interpret as truth, I’m Gee_ology but also, I am Lucius, just a man, human, just like you. Be blessed.

Progressive Education

 

You dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a f**in’ education you coulda got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library. – Will, Good Will Hunting

Sorry, sir, You don’t have proper schooling, you don’t have a degree. A common trend I’ve seen a lot of in the states. I’ve seen people boast about their degrees or titles. Nowadays, looking at education, talking to kids, it’s amazing how things are turning out. We are being conditioned to a system that truly just teaches to memorize and what we learn, not applied. 

I watched good will hunting the other day and it had me stop and think. For the most part, I could associate myself with Will. He is considered a genius, self taught and a nact for excelling. For me, school was always easy, boring but easy so I hardly tried or cared for. After I graduated high school, I found myself deleting information and relearning various subjects. I found myself researching and reading everything/anything that I was curious about. And the more I did, the less I cared about college. 

Like I’ve stated, people like boasting at times they went to school, only to end up working a job they don’t want or love, only “need” it, to survive. I’ve seen people going to a trade school or skipping it altogether and finding ways to make more than someone with a degree. What people need to realize is that intelligence is not determined by an iq test, degree, and etc. Question what you’re taught and do your own research as well.

Now sure, I might be going for a degree in biblical studies but do I really need that? Paul and the other apostles read the word and allowed the spirit to impart wisdom onto them. They didn’t go to seminary. Yet what I see even in the church is a sense of entitlement. I can’t preach because I’m not a leader or pastor? I can’t discuss matters because I don’t hold a degree? Now sure, some qualifications may precede, be ordained, studied materials and subjects. I’m not saying all of it is worthless or a waste. When done properly and applied, education is shown to create progress and change. It’s the mindset. 

When I first came to the realization that I’m a writer, a constant thought plagued me. I thought, “I have no creative writing experience, my grammar is iffy, and my punctuation isn’t the best. A year later, here I am. I would read about writers who just decided to write, they didn’t major in English. They inspired me to keep going, to not be restricted by how I should word something but to truly reveal the message carved in my heart. Just the same, I stand in between people and preach, being self taught. Like I stated, whatever I didn’t know how to do, I learned. I would spend hours looking and learning til I understood something. 

We’ve lost the drive as people. I hear people nowadays just say, I can’t wait to finish school, get a job, maybe get married, then hopefully retire. It is as if we have taken it as a chore, spending 12-20 years of our lives just to say we did it and go to a 9 to 5, til we can vacation. Instead of going with a mindset of what can I learn so that I may apply it and change the world. Where have our dreams gone to? Some people say we simply woke up, but I say, you’ve merely become distracted by the fantasy. 

This isn’t supposed to make you feel good, it is a matter of conviction. What are you really doing with your life? Are you waiting for those 30 years to end and then just let it be tossed away, or are going to continue to move forward, help bring change? Are you going to spend thousands on something you could learn and may need to invest in that company, future? These are questions we must answer. I’m not saying college, universities, are bad. What I’m conveying is, is it going to define who you are, what you do, or will you simply hide behind it and later in life let it fade, only leaving a dent in your life. It’s okay to have goals, dreams, proper education, but let it create a better you, progression, and never forsaking the potential within you.

Hole or whole?

We’ve all heard the story, Zeus separated man into two and so we walk on Earth finding our other half. 

We hear day in and day out how we have to find our missing piece, how we are incomplete or even how we are not “whole”. Day in and day out we are bombarded with stories of romance and how it “should” be. Yet the reality is, it is much more than this and it is a delusion that has plagued us since the days where men such as Plato stated the quote that we are “incomplete”. 

Those that follow my blog, notice that I talked about this briefly during my “list” of how I manage to live a “happy” life. Within this was a topic that I know understand and hold strong to. My views on love and the understanding has dramatically shifted from where I stood 7 months ago. In all honesty if I had this a few years ago, I do truly believe I would be a completely different person. That which I speak about is the idea of soul mates.

I speak about such matters as one who has loved, had his heart broken, and believe it or not loves, still. I have written how I will always be honest to you, the reader. With this being said, understand, I am no saint. Though I am Christian now and hold to the word of God, example of Jesus, and teachings as my guide, I am not perfect nor was I perfect. As all men I struggled with my flesh and nature. I was “that guy”, would flirt, and etc. At a young age I lost my virginity and it never came to mind to be with someone who I would consider my wife. As time progressed I began to see the error in my ways and girls more than just projects but as people. Time would continue and in turn I embraced my romantic side, the “gentleman” took root within me. 

There’s a secret most people don’t know who truly know me, I’m not that guy who they hear about. Most people have heard I moved around a lot, my “body count” was high but the truth is, that’s actually a lie. See the thing is, unlike some people my view on body count resulted in actually getting to know someone, fondling and being a part with them in life. I know, I know, a little farfetched is it not? Yet that’s how I saw it, the reality is I’m tired of people believing something I’m not now. It is true I “moved” around but it was the occasional, flirting, making out and I only did sleep with one girl during high school. After that, if you were to actually ask me now, my body count as in sleeping with someone is actually 3. Shocking? A guy, really? I know, I know, believe it or not. I allowed the rumors and lies to go on by for far too long. Some of you can ask me why is this relevant, but bear with me. I feel it valuable for the reader to get to know the man behind the words. 

You see, in this day and age we are so caught up in stories. “The one” . Our perfect person. Soul mate. Yet as time went on and people saw me cold and distant, talking to so many girls, they assumed, and I let it slide. The truth is, I allowed it to happen, the rumors and lies, and since then it has followed me. Why so long to finally come clean? Simple, I’m tired of people caught up in all the lies and honestly, though I say I don’t care what people say, I let it slide, I’ve always tried to wear a mask. I never allowed people to see the real me, no matter how close they were. How many girlfriends have I had? 4. But it has allowed me to be revealed what love is and through it all my vision of love has shifted to what it is now.

The more I delved into romance and love, the more I began to truly see what it was/is. Like I’ve said, we are so caught up in fairy tales we forget that people are people. We set up these high expectations. I cannot forget how many times I dreamed of finding “the one”. My recent ex I believed to be my soul mate and as you know, those that follow me, I do love her, but as well I know I am moving on in life. I believed God placed her in my life to be my wife. This in itself is also something that will cut you. Don’t ever just say something like that. Any and every relationship takes time, trust, work and ultimately support from one another to see it come into fruition as marriage in the end. 

So where am I getting at with all this? Stop thinking there is a soul mate. There is no such thing as the one. You’ll meet people in life and even maybe build a relationship with and guess what, you may not be ready to commit and it will fail. But one thing I can say is that you already are complete. There isn’t a missing hole, you are whole. No matter how many times I love looking at chick flicks or being that romeo, reading love stories, I know now what true love is. And honestly, I feel better knowing that I could truly see because it was revealed by and through God. 

I cannot tell you how far I fell with the recent breakup. Anxiety attacks and nights where I would wake up in sweats, a deep depression thinking I wasn’t worthy, how so many people see me as the villian. Yet I was not being truthful to myself or even to my partners. I never once revealed who I truly am or how I am to any of them and rarely do my friends see me for me and I apologize for that. I know there are some people who feel like that now. They see their friends getting married or posting pics and they get into their feelings, but guess what? Stop it. It’s just not your time, learn to grow and become a better you, let God shape you to a better person. Learn what love truly is and don’t just fall into a delusion. You don’t need someone to live, the greatest thing someone can say is they want you. It is like me knowing that God doesn’t need us and yet Jesus came and died for us because he loves us, God wanted us. This is the greatest representation of love. 

Always be willing to fight for love, fight for them, but know as well when to love them enough to let go. You will come across some who cheat, who break, but understand, it is better to forgive than to hold a grudge. Better to love than to hate. 

Love is truly precious and you are meant to love and be loved. Though there will be some who remain single, understand as well there will be many who find someone to walk this earth with. But don’t let the idea or fantasy of love cloud you from he who is love, God. Or even, to stop you from loving others just as much. To love means to give, not what you get. Love is unconditional, is not prideful, does not boast, conquers all, goes through all, is not envious, filled by lust or emotions, it is sacrifice, devotion, commitment, respect, trust, truth, pure, love is God. And in knowing this I not only reveal that the hole we strive to fill can not be filled by another person, who is just as incomplete or imperfect as you. Our hole is a God shaped hole and yet we know we are whole and still made whole when we allow God to show us love. 

This has been longer than anticipated but this comes from the heart. We are told what to expect from matters in this world by those around us. But as I finish these last few sentences, take it from someone who has experienced love, value those around you and also see that you are of value as well. See not the “hole” but see yourself as whole, let the world see who you are and can be and in turn, one day you just might run beside someone who sees you and though you know you are whole, feel complete. Be blessed.

Agent Bond

Lately what I’ve seen is we have so many broken relationships because people want it easy. Families torn, friendships lost and etc. We want to be in control or things our way. We let “good times” lead to parents being made and then two people ending something they started out of momentary feelings. I say this knowing first hand how one can be caught in lust. 

Relationships are a bond, two people coming together to overcome differences and be a balance. It takes time, sacrifice, trust, respect, love, humility, and hard work. This accounts to intimate ones as well, men be as men, the head, the leader, in pursuit of your wife. And women the nurturing care givers, hard at work to support as well, both share certain responsibilities. If you can’t find a good friend, be one. Family is limited but always close, forgive and grow. Family is beyond blood at times.

 As a Christian, I’ve learned this from God. To my brothers do not settle to this pattern of the world, stay faithful to your wives even if you are single right now. It is better to wait, even you my sisters. Love unconditionally and reflect Christ, be blessed. In your singleness be made to the husband or wife of your future spouse. May the Holy Sspirit be with you.

Another Day To Write

​To all those that follow me, support me, I consider friends. Hear me out or take a moment to read. You may see me posting on here, depending which site you read this from, but understand who I am, why I am on here. I am but a man, 25 years old and though it is young I’ve experienced much in my life. I am not proud of my past and though I may appear like I have life together, better, I don’t. I don’t know the future. I can talk about and give advice about relationships, love, but I’ve broken relationships, played the villian, broke hearts, was self centered, loved and lost, regretted. I have a problem trusting people and if I open up it is because now, my life is a living testimony. 

I’m not religious, in fact, I despise religion. I’m Christian. It is not because I was raised or “brainwashed” like cults. I was an athiest, then my curiousity in love with science found me to study mysticism, the occult, magick, like my grandfather. I would hear the stories from my Father and it incited my curiousity. From that I was allowed to see the truth and light of God. All my questions were answered by God. Even amidst the religions I looked into, the “wisdom” and knowledge I gained, God was the answer. I’ve always tried to seek it in things, peace, truth, love, and never was content. I’ve lost friends, I’ve lost loved ones. What I’m trying to say or write is this: life is so short. We spend hours studying to work jobs we might not like, we spend our time doing irrelevant things, we forget the simplicities or how intricately complex this life is. 

We allow this world were suppose to take care of rot with our choices and the degradation of humanity continues as we focus on our egos. I can speak about it for hours but it is true. No posts or likes will stop what is happening in the world or simple words spoken or written, only action. Even so on my knees and a crying plea for us to reevaluate life. We need to be changed. I don’t speak to boast on my merits or puff up in my knowledge over things but out of love. I speak to help others understand the truth. If I speak about God it is because I wish to share how be has changed me and revealed who he is. If I speak against or expose something it is to reveal the lies we have been lead to believe. Amongst the hours spent researching, day and night. If I write or talk about love it is because I’ve experienced true love and know its beauty in entirety, though I know my time may or may not come being single now, value the person, the blessing God has placed before you, you may never know when it will end. 

Truly I tell you, though you may only hear or read what I write from when you last saw me, I’ve changed. God is working in me and leading me amidst the storm and war. There is a war being fought for eternity, this world will pass away in time. All I can do is live a life in reflection to Christ and reveal the Gospel. That God rich in mercy though we were dead in our sins by the transgression of Adam, passed down, were allowed to live. How so, by God himself taking the form of a man, taking the penalty of sin, bearing the weight and dying for us. But even more, resurrecting to show he conquers death so that in he who believes in him, repent of their sins, turns to God, obeying his word, leading others in truth, in love, shave reside with him and have life. God came to save us. Not by our works but saved by grace through faith. This is the gospel. In him dwells peace, truth, life. I cannot tell you how to live your lives, I can only be as an example. Be blessed.