Tag Archives: life

Checkmate

You feel all possible moves have been made and you are surrounded by impossible odds against you that you thought weren’t possible. What you thought could never happen, happens. Maybe your world is turned upside down, either way, you’re not alone.

I can’t really explain what has been going on in my life as of yet. I’ve spent the last few months growing as a man. I could say without a doubt I’m in a serious relationship and that I continue to grow. I have learned to combine my gifts and display it with ease. I have become even more confident in my own abilities and who I am as a person.

It is tough, this thing we call life, I actually could agree that it is harder the older you get. I honestly could not picture my life being the way it is now but I’m grateful that I have stepped into these moments. Though I am not where I want to be, I feel like I’m where I need to be.

Many people, including myself, push ourselves way beyond what is required to reach some plateau. We want to climb the highest mountains. I recently took my vacation and as I stood behind the window in my hotel room, on the 10th floor, I had a glimpse of what life would be like if I followed certain paths in life. Reflecting on my life now, I could say that for the longest I have felt like I am in the last stretch, just surviving. Checkmated.

Though all of this being said, it is like I have stated, I am where I need to be. I can only keep going, never giving up. I continue to write every day and will try to have my collection of work published in some format. I will continue to showcase my art and hope people would encourage or support me, like it and buy it, etc. I’m an artist that wishes to convey a message through the medium of abstract art, poetry, and stories. This is who I am and I will not stop, even a king must make a move and fight, this isn’t a game anyways, this is life.

Overcoming and Moving Forward

The sounds of the keys being pressed down give me sudden chills. The last time I wrote on an actual keyboard that wasn’t on my phone or searching for something on google, I can’t even recall. Let’s lay down everything on the table, I’m at an impasse. It isn’t quite that hard to see what is causing it all but it has surely happened, I seem to move but going nowhere.

You spend hours a day trying to wrap your head around what to write, I know I do. I would create a new piece of art and become inspired to write a poem and then I create a new entry, which I post here on my blog. My blog. It has actually been quite some time where I let my mind blossom and allow it to speak for itself apart from poetry. I am not saying that writing poetry has been my obstacle but I remember when I first started this blog. One day you wake up and notice that so much has happened in your life and you are where you never pictured yourself.

I am not in any rush, I know that now. Though the years haven’t been as kind to me in some regards, I’ve learned quite a bit in passing years. Some people may have followed me from the jump and continue to do so, others follow me and wonder what words will come to fruition. I held to a false identity by trying to hide who I was or what I could fully do, I was my biggest obstacle, always have been. I decided to drop what I perceived to be my pen name, Lucius Alexander Wulfe, it had a nice ring to it but I know that I am my own person, I am a writer.

A name can mean so much. I don’t want to be remembered for someone that had another identity or even in some regard marked by being someone that seemed like I was trying to be someone else. Let’s face it, I may not be bringing in thousands to my pages and I am not the well-skilled writer to have millions flock to my works, but I never give up. I have been writing for about 2 solid years now, I’ve seen this blog grow and I have seemed to have some grasp on my voice or style. I write as if everything was meant to be interpreted as poetry, it is quite hard to describe but I know that this is who I am.

This all comes down to what I am trying to convey, life gets tough but ultimately it is our choice. You could throw in the towel and give up or you could keep pushing. I rather keep pushing.

I’m a writer. I blog. I write poetry. I create abstract art.

I may never be famous and nor do I wish to be. Like I told my girlfriend, I rather leave a legacy behind which is to truly inspire people in some way by using the gifts and skills that I have been given as well as what I have poured, trained, and ultimately master. So check out my work, spread my name around if it helps you, comment, share, tell people that they are not alone. I create art be it any way that I can and anyway I love because I simply do not do it for the fame or to get it, but to truly touch hearts, if I gain a living doing what I love, then I rejoice, but if not, then know I hope I get rich by sharing the riches I have now, my mindset, my knowledge, my art. Much love to all out there, stay blessed. Geo out.

You Are Gold.

Don’t fear failure. You can always desire for the results or focus on the outcome. What you forget is what or how you will get to where you want to be. Learn and embrace your mistakes, your failure, because then you will truly grow. There will be many times you fall but guess what? You shall rise again as scripture speaks about, that a righteous man can fall seven times but rises again (Proverbs 24:16).

Your faith is in the certainty of who God is making you to be, not who you are already, you’re a work in progress. “Authentic faith is not believing in God but believing God. Taking God and His word and obediently following Him, Regardless of the outcome…”- Art Azurdia.

Remember that though you participate in this world set your mind in what is above. Remember His promises and know that you have been set apart, loved, and led to a new life, in Him, with Him, through Him, for Him. God allows you to grow by burning and building on your weaknesses, testing your faith like gold through fire (1 Peter 1:7). Jesus said, “It is finished”, as well as saying, “follow me”, trust in God and grow as you live, work and let your faith be built on a firm foundation. You are gold.

I’m Ready

“I was born ready! ”

We have all heard or said that quote. Amidst countless of reasons we present a state in which we believe we can overcome or endure.  Now what usually happens is that things may not turn out the way we envision.  Nonetheless, we are prepared,  even if we may not fully agree.  

My life has taken quite a turn, from being troubled by my depression and anxiety, to God fully taking control,  once again.  I honestly feel good and my mindset has shifted. 

I tend to discuss a shifting or a change that occurs in us.  I’ve learned through this recent transformation that I held to the notion in which most of us hold to, “better me”. Sometimes we tend to believe that attaining something, being someone,  or even being with someone will change us,  make us better. What if I was to tell you that no matter what is on this green Earth we won’t be a better version of ourselves. 

Before you grab the pitchforks and hunt me down, hear me out.  I hold to a biblical worldview,  I’m Christian so I hope that comes across clearly to those who do not know me or my writing.  All this being said, we are not perfect  nor should we ever cling to the idea of perfection, if it isn’t Christ. We are all sinners and because of our nature, sin entering us,  nothing we do or say, have,  will alter this.  Paul spoke about it in scripture, apart from God,  we will fail,  and only God can save /change us. 

God wants us to be image bearers.  When the Holy Spirit enters us and dwells within,  we begin to bear the fruits,  reflecting Christ. We are given a new heart and a new spirit.  Things we did or how we are, radically alters and just as He is holy,  we pursue to be it as well. 

We’ve tried it already, we worked for x amount of years, graduated college, acheieved that goal, started a diet,  but did it really change who we are? It might have changed an outcome or surrounding but ultimately did it change us. The problem we haven’t realized is that true change is internal, it is a soul and heart change,  our perceptions and that in turn breeds true transformation. 

I’ve seen people discuss how they will go on a diet and then fail within a week.  I’ve seen people struggle with pornography for years. What needs to happen is a true heart shifting and mentality.  This I’ve learned can only be done by God. Now I’m not saying it isn’t possible for anyone to truly change. We have it in us to change but without He who is life,  it becomes a vain, egocentric pursuit. We will preach about what we did and etc.  You will hear motivational people discuss that you need to be a better you, while still developing a plan that may have worked for them but does not benefit you.  We each have our own path to follow and purpose. 

So then I’ve come to realize that I am truly ready now.  Before I was my own limitation,  I was in the way.  It doesn’t mean that I will stop being myself but that I will be who I was intended on being.  It is by the grace of God through faith in Jesus that I am alive and completely different than who I was.  I could have and should have been dead long ago, in my trespasses of sin and so forth. So as a way to help others understand this I challenge everyone who reads this to see where their heart is,  are you really ready for change or will you continuously hold to being born ready,  still waiting to be a “better” you. 

Being A Man


I’ve heard it all before. The questions arising as if I’m seeking the answers once again. Before it all may sound confusing I’m talking about being a man. 

Some can ask me, “Did I really do it, crack the code?”. There isn’t a “code” to be cracked. The common issue I’ve come to realize that has plagued us men is that we have allowed the world to define who we are.

God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Gen. 1:27)

In Genesis, God reveals to us that He made man in his image. We’ve been allowed to embody the same characteristics of God; To feel, love, and etc. Some can argue and say we were not completely human as we ate from the tree, allowing us to know good and evil. Reality is, the dire consequence of that moment bred sin, evil into the world, our connection to walk with God lost, that is til Jesus. 

From as early as I can remember, I’ve been told that I wouldn’t be a man until x reasons. Until I was able to drive, drink, had sex, was 18, could vote, had a job, bought a car, bought a house, had a family, and etc. As I grew, I kept checking off the qualifications and always asked myself the simple question, am I a man? 

People can tell me that they know when, yet again, They hold to what someone defined for them. It isn’t like one day we wake up and say, “Hey, I’m no longer a boy!”. Puberty can hit us and still, people will say that girls mature faster. In my life I had to mature dramatically due to being homeless and the effects of my choices, the street life and etc. So then does all of that qualifies me as being a man? No. Does being 26 years old guarantee I’m a man? No.

Throughout my years I’ve seen that being a man can only truly be determined by 3 things. Who we are in Christ, who we are to ourselves, and to others.

Now some can debate and dismiss this notion that we are determined by who we are in Christ, I am Christian of course, so a non believer will simply say that their manhood is not defined by a fantasy. Yet to my point, Christ, who was a man that lived and breathed, historically was said to have lived a blameless, perfect life, so even if one does not believe in his divinity, can still come to the realization that he is the standard we are to meet. For those in the faith, Christ is not only the example we follow but also the God who shaped us in his image, to reflect who He is. 

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.” (Psalm 1:1-3)

Our hope is not only found in Christ but our manhood. Christ has foreseen who we are and has set us out to tend to His work, to obey and live the godly life.

“Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.” (Gen. 2:15)

When it comes to who we are to ourselves it is about learning self-love as well being honest with oneself. It is easy to try to go to the gym or even put in work for a new look, car, etc. But why do you do those things? Do we lie to ourselves to attain something and if so, would it truly benefit is or help inflate our ego? To know who we are is to learn to respect ourselves as much as others. Sex will not make you a man, No matter how many females you do it with. Being in a relationship or getting married won’t either. To learn your flaws, work on them and improve, this is what allows us to grow. We are not perfect and when we learn to accept who we are, what our limits are, and etc, we come closer to the truth.

Who we are to others also plays a key role in determining our manhood. Are you a husband who leads as well as being led? Are you a hard worker who puts in his full effort in all that you do. We have been throughout time seen as the “strong”, the courageous, as is spoken about in scripture to be that way. As well, We are not just told to be presented as warriors but also to be as kings, lovers, and teachers. We must love and respect others and be firm in truth and love. This is why men take to arms to protect peace or to liberate others, Why some truly serve others as well. Men or I should say a true man, understands that he is part of something more than himself and in knowing this, he works to help make it better or stronger. 

In today’s age we have instead allowed ourselves to a villian or act like a victim. Men are seen as weak when emotions are shown. In the race for equality between genders roles may have flipped, who brings the bread in, but don’t be discouraged and think it makes you less than a man. Take it from someone who has gone down the list, I didn’t really grasp the significance of what it meant being a man as well as trying to figure out what to do since I knew I was one. Boys eventually grow up and decisions will be made that will not only impact you but others, you must be ready for that. You will have sex and if not careful, you will have a child, you must understand the consequences and be able to handle them as they come. Being a man is being someone who acknowledges all of this and does not wait idly by. 

This post isn’t just to help those men who believe in the illusion the world has created for us. Wasn’t to help you fully grasp what being a man is either but a wake up call to help you reflect in who you are in Christ, yourself and others. What needs to change, why do you need to change? From man to man and to any women that read this and wish to pass it along to the men, by all means. This is Gee_ology signing out, be blessed all.

Acting Love

Let’s not throw dirt under the rug. Let’s put everything out there on the plate. It is better to be honest and lead by example than being seen as one who just talks the talk and even though you can’t physically see me, walk the walk.

I’m Christian, sorry to burst your bubble of you expected more or less. I honestly don’t have to apologize and I’m not going to “push” my beliefs on anyone. A lot of what I write will reflect my beliefs though.

Now, to the topic at hand. I’ve been busy from but for the most part, like I stated before, I’ve been reflecting my life. I can easily say that I’m Christian but the real question is, are my fruits beating the reality of what I claim to be?

Being a 26 year old male is not easy in this world. Guys are stereotyped and judges by our race or past. I’m Dominican and Chinese so I usually fall into the category of being a party animal, drunk, player/womanizer, or just reserved. Yet, I don’t fit into any of the occasional norms.

I’m still single since my last relationship which is coming to 2 years. I haven’t had sex in about that same allotted time and even though I’ve tried to be abstinent we all know as human beings, temptation can strike, like with pornography. I’m not a saint nor claim to be one. But I do know I rather not engage intimately with someone unless I’m in love and heading towards marriage. I honestly can’t do it anymore. The games or body hopping people do nowadays to what I used to do during my early years. I haven’t really had a huge body count (saying it creeps me out) but I do know I’ve only ever truly felt I was making love with one person out of the few. Let’s lay it out there, I’m a sex addict, an ex alcoholic, and unstable person who has the worst kind of OCD. As apart to most people with OCD, I have violent or sexual images pervade my mind along with the usual compulsive thoughts, cleanliness, ticks and etc.

Now, when I say unbalanced I mean I can jump from being eccentric to completely shutting down on you. My emotions will be almost non-existent and it honestly bothers me.

People think that as a Christian we are supposed to be these angelic people who are sin free now. Now, yes, Christ paid the penalty and the spirit is working within us to shape us in the image of Christ and we obey God; We also know that the flesh draws us to want to call prey to our desires.

I’ve reduced the amount of alcohol I consume to only special events and just enough to not allow myself to be tipsy. I’ve prayed and grown to see what affects my lust. I’ve also promised God I would be abstinent till marriage. Now I may be living what is perceived a celibate life now but I do so until I know I am ready to pursue or God allows me to see who he has prepared for me. At times we focus on waiting and not realizing God wants us to act and I intend to discern.

The reality is that the Christi an life is not easy. The world can influence us. The songs we listen to, shows we watch, people we are around. We can be a light in the darkness but remember with every storm the fire can be overcome if not covered sufficiently.

I advise all my brothers and sisters in the faith as well as myself, when I look back at this post. Trust in God. Be led in love and let love be your guide, to love is the greatest of gifts and the ultimate sacrifice, to love is to act and in the act We reveal who we are and meant to be. God bless you all. Gee_ology out.

In Memory

They never tell you how short life is. Today my friend texted me and told me that R.C. Sproul died. Now personally I never knew the man but one thing is for certain is that, he impacted me tremendously in my life.

If you dont know by now, I consider myself a Christian apologist. I’ve delved into theological debates and even written articles about the Faith and God. Through my journey or research, I’ve found that there have been men and women that God has placed that have caused me to become inspired and truly learn from.

With the amazing ability of the internet, though I may bash it at times, I’ve been blessed to hear and learn from many influential people. R.C. Sproul was one of those people and even now, I know his messages and expression of faith will impact many in the years to come. I pray sincerely that his family may draw closer and rejoice in knowing that he is with the Lord he served diligently for years, and if they feel sadness as I’m sure they do, may they be comforted.

This brings me to the truth of the matter, time is truly so short. A lot can happen in a year and a day. We look back at times and notice that those who stood beside us No ponger are with us, even if they may not have passed in life, from our lives, they are no longer connected at times. This is why I say that in memory of all who are with us let us be truly grateful for those who are with us, never forget those who changed us and truly, let us understand that people are treasures that are greater than any of what we can gain that the Lord allows us to share with Him during our time on Earth.

The Write Choice

Let’s be honest, we all want to be heard. There is a tiny voice that shrieks at us from the back of our minds that goes something like, “Calling any listener or reader, it’s me!!!”. Call me crazy but that is just how us, as humans, are. We long for company or even to some degree, a mild interaction with someone or something to reveal we’re not alone.

I’m here, sitting in the dark, hearing the rattling of my ceiling fan contemplating life. It isn’t unusual that I ponder about the choices I’ve made or the words I shared with others. In many cases, I’m now drawn to how far I’ve come as a writer.

Hmm, it is interesting, it has literally been a year and 2 months now. What have I learned? Have I grown in any way that my old self, just starting out, could say, “Wow! You’ve changed!!!”. I don’t even think I would sound like that, a pun would have to come from it, more so something in regards to I made the “write” life choice. Comedic gold, I know, hold the applause.

I’ve been disappointed a bit in my endeavors with keeping track of my work and my stories. I’ve turned away from using a laptop or desktop and now solely rely on my phone. Granted because of my computer dying on me, I still have my wireless Bluetooth keyboard I use to write for my phone. I’ve been looking at ways to get it(phone) connected to monitor and presto, I have that ecstastic sensation of seeing it all on the big screen. I’ve linked all my drives to jotterpad-which is the app I use when I’m not using office-plus I’ve literally been taking time out to plan out ideas and work on my stories more. I’m in this for the long haul.

I really don’t know if all writers get this zeal-is it really a zeal? All I can fathom from it all is that I still love to write and it isn’t like my usual spurts designing where my head is spinning and calling for me to put it down and go do something else, I still would find myself writing for hours and get swept into the early morning, having the sun blind me and remind me I work in an hour or two.

I guess this is literally the joy you get when you find your niche, your purpose in life. Now, I’m not the best of bloggers or my following isn’t massive. Either way, I do hope people get an interest into what I wrote or my stories, poems, and etc. Like I’ve stated, I haven’t had any formal training but when I can, I do find ways to learn from websites, workshops and etc.

This is actually the realest entry I’ve had just being myself without trying to teach something or just express my inner raw self, it’s funny. I’m actually just grateful for the opportunity to do this, to be able to write and have my words shared with others. Who would of thought, that young kid encouraged so many years ago but English teachers, that young kid so eager to build worlds, and create characters? It is truly amazing. Writing is truly amazing, this is indeed the write choice.

Open Heart

​To love and be loved is truly the greatest reward.

I remember these words I write years ago. They now resonate within me and help me with my current transformation. I could feel it, another shift in my mental as I draw closer to God. 

My honesty and humbleness has now manifested beyond comprehension. I could feel the sense of truly wishing to help people but not just wishing but actually doing. I’ve also come to the realization of who I was. Before I knew who I was I would ignore the fact of the damage I had done. I would self loathe only to fall into depression. Yet, now, I wish to reveal who I truly am to others and noticing a vital problem. No one really knows me as I am now. 

I’ve hurt so many people in the past or had self interest that trust was lost. Even with this being said I also noticed how much time, distance truly separates people. I’ve been trying to connect with those I cared about and yet it seems to be difficult. It’s weird but I truly feel alone, though I have my family and few close friends. It’s like I’m reintroducing myself to most people. 

Remember the stories or the reputation I held? That was just a facade. It’s something I was told to do, create an identity to never truly be known. So you heard about the guy who was so quick to sleep around or out partying. Yet because of my past I learned to never embody myself to that which would distract my studies. Though I occasionally found myself under bottles or smoking to escape reality. Til I found that self control and being sober, facing my problems, brought me better benefits. 

I was a kid for the most part, thinking as a child and never understanding the world and how to embrace people. It was all about me. Yet God has been speaking to me. To follow him I must die daily. To love in such a way that nothing else will pour out from my heart. To be filled with his love that I seek no validation or pleasure from something else because he is enough. 

I can’t take back the words spoken or the actions but I can only be who he is making me to be. I don’t have to prove I’m changed. He tells me, Just love and be a light, an example. I will not be the same as before and to understand I am not of this world. Many who walk that path now that I used to be with can say I’ve grown “soft” but in reality I’ve grown strong. I invested too much on vain pursuits. 

I remember the nights wondering what was wrong with the world. We’ve become so cold as people. I would shut myself off and ignore everyone. Yet God stepped in. It was always my Father, showering me in his grace, always. For that I am beyond grateful. He continues to lead me away from that which is damaging to my being. Rest in me are the words written, cast all your anxieties on me… My identity is not found by what others say but in who I am in Christ. 

I’ve grown tired of these games I play with myself. One moment I’m happy and then I get triggered and fall to my own mental prison. I’m exhausted actually. Falling into the affairs of love in what the world declares it to be only to get hurt or hurt others. I’m more than that, I don’t believe in soulmates just in two people truly coming together and working through all odds, not in perfection but towards unity as a family and couple, loving beyond conditions, as intended. So I appear now as an old soul and I am not in a rush towards marriage as before. 

In essence, my heart is now open. Like if God was here with me performing open heart surgery and others can see my what lies in my heart. From the darkness of my past to who I am now. I am not my past. 

It’s funny actually, how I can discuss these things so openly now while years ago I would build walls and only those I let in would see beyond them. Or truly how a shift commenced by one person breaking through. 

My life is not my own. It is God’s, for him I live and breathe. I wish to share this love with others and the truth of who He is. I can’t explain it, I try to and yet it is beyond words. I know people will think it odd of me or even wonder what happened to Gee? I won’t keep explaining it, just grow with me. I’m sorry to all I’ve hurt and those who may not trust me now because of who I was, see me for who I am, now. 

I love you all, those that read my work, those that have seen my journey and walk with me. Life is truly amazing. And what I am trying to convey to all is that love truly is what life is about. Love with your all. Love at all times. Love and never give up on love, ever. Don’t be afraid to love and show your real emotions. Be blessed. This is Gee_ology aka Lucius, signing out.

Why Write?


What are you really after? I ponder this question before every story or poem I write. It would seem to hold a significant weight on my chest. Even within the realm of Instagram where I post poems and quotes. 

Let’s not sugar coat things, we all seek to be recognized is some way but the question remains, what are you after? Long hours “perfecting” a story or poem all so you can get some likes? A follow maybe? Is fame your goal? Or do you want to truly share your message, vision, and/or truth to the world? 

A common thought crosses my mind every time I type, as an answer to those questions. I would like to be known but I don’t want to do it for selfish reasons. I prefer my stories to truly touch people and encourage them. You can really summarize my blog ultimately as an outlook on life and how I perceive the world but it really is a motivational one. I like helping people, helping them understand and find that they are not alone. 

Don’t get me wrong in anything, I find a sense of pride when someone comments, likes or follows me because of something they read. But I also know that if I base my writing on likes or fame, it will distort my message or story. I find that I will gain an audience some way but writing isnt just to help people as well, but also a form of medication for myself. I write for me as well. 

We can all joke and reminisce about having our books or stories published. Write about our struggles as writers on a daily basis and even fall into the stereotype of being a writer, but ultimately what are you chasing? What is that pull that keeps you writing? People may not even notice you because you’re not “famous” and as soon as you take off, you’ll see swarms of “fans”. Begin to write differently or in such a way that it offends the reader and you will get dropped. This is just how society has transformed over the years.

I’ve learned all of this since I first started writing about a year ago. I don’t become discouraged at what is happening or if I don’t “make” it. I still put in the hours and write, learning from my mistakes and perfecting the craft. To be able to give an emotion or imagery using words is a gift and is something truly beautiful. Never forget the reason you started and always remember, you arent racing, there really is no finish line. Write as if your work was meant for eternity and your story will be made history.