Tag Archives: love

Open Heart

​To love and be loved is truly the greatest reward.

I remember these words I write years ago. They now resonate within me and help me with my current transformation. I could feel it, another shift in my mental as I draw closer to God. 

My honesty and humbleness has now manifested beyond comprehension. I could feel the sense of truly wishing to help people but not just wishing but actually doing. I’ve also come to the realization of who I was. Before I knew who I was I would ignore the fact of the damage I had done. I would self loathe only to fall into depression. Yet, now, I wish to reveal who I truly am to others and noticing a vital problem. No one really knows me as I am now. 

I’ve hurt so many people in the past or had self interest that trust was lost. Even with this being said I also noticed how much time, distance truly separates people. I’ve been trying to connect with those I cared about and yet it seems to be difficult. It’s weird but I truly feel alone, though I have my family and few close friends. It’s like I’m reintroducing myself to most people. 

Remember the stories or the reputation I held? That was just a facade. It’s something I was told to do, create an identity to never truly be known. So you heard about the guy who was so quick to sleep around or out partying. Yet because of my past I learned to never embody myself to that which would distract my studies. Though I occasionally found myself under bottles or smoking to escape reality. Til I found that self control and being sober, facing my problems, brought me better benefits. 

I was a kid for the most part, thinking as a child and never understanding the world and how to embrace people. It was all about me. Yet God has been speaking to me. To follow him I must die daily. To love in such a way that nothing else will pour out from my heart. To be filled with his love that I seek no validation or pleasure from something else because he is enough. 

I can’t take back the words spoken or the actions but I can only be who he is making me to be. I don’t have to prove I’m changed. He tells me, Just love and be a light, an example. I will not be the same as before and to understand I am not of this world. Many who walk that path now that I used to be with can say I’ve grown “soft” but in reality I’ve grown strong. I invested too much on vain pursuits. 

I remember the nights wondering what was wrong with the world. We’ve become so cold as people. I would shut myself off and ignore everyone. Yet God stepped in. It was always my Father, showering me in his grace, always. For that I am beyond grateful. He continues to lead me away from that which is damaging to my being. Rest in me are the words written, cast all your anxieties on me… My identity is not found by what others say but in who I am in Christ. 

I’ve grown tired of these games I play with myself. One moment I’m happy and then I get triggered and fall to my own mental prison. I’m exhausted actually. Falling into the affairs of love in what the world declares it to be only to get hurt or hurt others. I’m more than that, I don’t believe in soulmates just in two people truly coming together and working through all odds, not in perfection but towards unity as a family and couple, loving beyond conditions, as intended. So I appear now as an old soul and I am not in a rush towards marriage as before. 

In essence, my heart is now open. Like if God was here with me performing open heart surgery and others can see my what lies in my heart. From the darkness of my past to who I am now. I am not my past. 

It’s funny actually, how I can discuss these things so openly now while years ago I would build walls and only those I let in would see beyond them. Or truly how a shift commenced by one person breaking through. 

My life is not my own. It is God’s, for him I live and breathe. I wish to share this love with others and the truth of who He is. I can’t explain it, I try to and yet it is beyond words. I know people will think it odd of me or even wonder what happened to Gee? I won’t keep explaining it, just grow with me. I’m sorry to all I’ve hurt and those who may not trust me now because of who I was, see me for who I am, now. 

I love you all, those that read my work, those that have seen my journey and walk with me. Life is truly amazing. And what I am trying to convey to all is that love truly is what life is about. Love with your all. Love at all times. Love and never give up on love, ever. Don’t be afraid to love and show your real emotions. Be blessed. This is Gee_ology aka Lucius, signing out.

You Are A Star

​You may always stare at the mirror wondering what’s missing. If that certain someone will bring a deeper connection. But please listen, you are not a part, you are not missing something. You are royalty. If they cannot see your worth, it is not about proving it to them. 

Continue to shine. There isn’t “the one”, a soulmate. Touch your skin, feel your heart beat, your heart is your own. What you share is who you are, time, and commitment. If you think you can find it in someone else you will be lost. Your identity is found at the source of truth and love. Fill yourself with this and watch as it shall overflow to others and attract like-minded people. You are a treasure.

Dear Future

Dear Future, I remember the nights where I dreamed that you would come, but I shall be present. I must work and pursue you, allowing my self to learn and grow from yesterday. Long nights of creating tales in which I could once again, feel an embrace that made me whole. Forgive me for allowing my passions and my being to be shared by another, though they taught me what true love must be. I now hold to my purity in loyal service and faith, til the day I know you. Know that though you may dream of one day finding ourselves, be patient and grow to the one I await to see. The heart breaks you have had, the lack of trust, I know I must reveal that I am not the same. I shall deem you not as perfection nor cling to your being. I want to grow with you so tomorrow may know of us. Broken people coming as one, though I know fate is of no concern. I believe not in love at first sight, nor soul mates. But I know if someone asked me, I would say you are the one. I may not see you now but I will hold you later. Recount the tales of how you awaited me. Show me the strength and allow me to be a part of your history. Time moving in motion and I shall keep in its steady stream, til death do us part. Carved on the tree of life our names shall be known. Even amidst the tragedies of the world we will grow. Let my eyes see you as you see me, noticing such imperfections but working to create a home. You are my love, forevermore, Sincerely Yours.

Hopeful Romantic

​I love romance. I mean, truly, who would expect that? Yet those who truly got to see a part of me, saw me as A hopeless romantic. Yet what is it all about, what draws me to the stories, poetry, music and movies? The eyes bestowing the universe. The belief of an always and forever after. The butterflies that in turn reveal the garden. Our missing piece. 

Yet now, my best friend noticed a switch. Tales of such marvels that held me, seem to be admired but not encompassing my being. I believe in love but one indwelling with sacrifice, choice, commitment. Not a sense of feelings where it all ends in tragedy. Not pleasure masked by urges that enslave us to lust or greed. And he spoke to me, reminding me not to be scared of love as my past revealed solitude or loss. Scarred by repeating interests of my own ego and issues I needed to fix. 

Love is truly beautiful. A never ending hold that binds yet is not limited by pieces we call souls. Two coming as one to rejoice in imperfections and running to meet life’s end. Not established by “goals” or captivated by dreams, living in fantasy. So then to what position have I undertaken? The question asked with sincerity, yet my answer, my own. Let love be given and in return, I seek it not for my own intentions, let what is given be filled and in being loved, be my greatest reward. 

Though I rest with a heart made anew let not my focus be in another, yet if they arrive may my past present that I shall uphold my truth for all tomorrows. A hopeful romantic.

Revealing Yourself Through Love

We long to be understood or interpreted the right way. Most of the time it is hard. We are stereotyped and categorized by experiences or even the culture. Take me for example, because of my past, people would assume I am the same, yet I’ve grown since those days. They assume they know me, based on what they hear, yet my life is a complex array of masks worn or tales told to keep people distant. Yet what I can honestly state now is if you would like to know me for who I truly am, ask now. There is a lot I kept hidden but I humbly ask for forgiveness to all my friends and family.

 We hear about people being a type of way, a race being a type of way, and that keeps us from revealing who we are. So we look for memes, status’s, quotes, or anything that will allow us to share what is on our mind, in our hearts. My advice? Let it out, no matter what you think others will say about it, about you, let it out. I’m not saying let it go. We think we can just replace feelings or thoughts with nothingness, as if it never was. I keep saying it, it is okay to feel, it is okay to express yourself. 

You are not what most people see you as. I’ve longed to understand this, to know myself and it took having everything I thought I knew, come crashing down. From believing I thought I knew love, to find true love. From seeing myself in my darkest of hours to see that there is truly light. And now, I try to share this with others, every chance I get.  Please, understand this. Give people chances, not everyone is like your ex, that pervy person, the “lunatic”, the abusive parents, and believe it or not, people can change. But also be aware not to be taken for granted. You can change as well but so learn that you have value and a purpose as well.

We long to be understood, yet have grown so cold trying to understand others and instead we label them. Yes, I’m Christian, I know myself not to be perfect, my  life is centered in and with God, but as well, I know myself to be a wretched mess born again by the grace of God. 

Listen carefully, you are beautiful in your own way, you were made to shine. What you surround yourself with, ultimately shapes you. What you reveal in your actions, determines your heart choices. Words are wonderful and when given true meaning, can mark and imprint themselves in one’s soul. I generally speak or write in such a way to grab an audience, but listen, I’m speaking to you. Yes, you reading this now, you are loved, in knowing this, be filled with love and in turn, let it overflow. Let not this culture shape you into someone who loses their humanity. Be a light, reflect who you are and be understood. You can say you feel alone or you are better off alone, but trust me, it isn’t worth it. I’ve experienced a life where I was, or I should say, felt alone. I always considered myself the villian, only because everyone would eventually leave. But that was my narcissistic affect. I wanted the world to be centered around me, my ego, but that is not love, life. 

To be understood is to be naked, to find those you can trust, share your gifts, talents, love without condition or selfish intentions. To be understood is to learn to be who you are and first come to understand who you are, through the darkness you have faced and the blessings you consider the “good”. You do not find happiness nor love, it is a choice, it requires action, sacrifice, and it is something you do everyday. I’m writing this now, in the early mornings because it is something I strongly feel the world needs to take in and learn. You are not alone, I am here, the voice to the voiceless. Observing the world around me and studying it but also helping others see what I’ve come to interpret as truth, I’m Gee_ology but also, I am Lucius, just a man, human, just like you. Be blessed.

Proving Love and Yourself

“I don’t have to prove anything”, I screamed it out. I turned to see my reflection. Eyes filled with tears. Reality hit me then and now. I do.

I was once a very strong believer of, you don’t have to prove yourself. You are always entitled to be yourself and expect people to accept you, if they didn’t, screw them. This notion, let’s just say it was roughly last week, shifted in my mind. 

For those who don’t know how I am, a lot of my writing deals with things I’ve endured. Well, you could say all writers are like that, true enough. I’ve learned that no matter what I did, it was always for me. Having the wake up call to my narcissism, revealed my egocentric personality. Though I can no longer take back what I said, did, I now remain to be as humble, honest, and “real” as possible. I’ve learned the importance of others.

This all now comes flooding back to me, why do we believe ourselves to be the center of the universe. Everyone wants to be shown they are loved, are of value, and etc. We have become a culture where emotions or views have diminished. We want to be connected but are disconnected from one another. Emotions are just pixels on screens, emojis and snaps, filled by catchy words on the side. But does all of this prove who we are? What we love?

There was once a boy who loved this girlfriend so much, he would do anything for her, yet amidst it all, no matter what he did, it was not love. Just the opposite, one who did so little, but loved entirely. What am I getting at? Love is action, yet actions are not how much we can do but what has meaning behind it.

To love who you are, others, you prove it. You will be known by your “fruits”, faith without works, is dead. You see, we have been conditioned to accept a tolerant yet, unjustified stance. My opinions matter, who I am, you might, but I will pick which one I reveal to be true. This in itself, destroys any notion of love. Just like I stated, I wish I could have proved my love to someone, yet I did not know who I was not respect enough to pursue, I instead, hurt. 

So I leave you with this, it is okay to prove who you are, prove love, show emotions, show your thoughts. But don’t let it cloud you in seeing that others deserve a place as well. Love others as yourself, if not greater, it does not diminish who you are but reveals that you value individuality, people. Be blessed all.

Steps to Love


Night Rides described by the light amongst the skies.

Eyes closed as if blind to side with time passing by.


Lucidly seeping to reams.

Bleeding on screens.


Facing mistakes contemplated on stage.

Unlaced to strip tapes placed.


Degrees decreed to feed seas need.

Oceans deep intertwined and described by filigree.


Given visions to listen within to the Spirit.

Singing revisions from the incisions precision upon the collisions division of my position.