Tag Archives: love

Breathe.

Spending hours passing times endless counts drawn in by anxious minds racing to meet the end.

Breathe.

Catch the warm air filling lungs as it hooks you to life’s intoxication where we begin to rise by day and rest in nights embrace.

Breathe.

Let the emotions of thoughts touch you as the wind brushing against your skin to reflect a day of yesterday.

Breathe.

Love shall find you in lights blissful awakening when you begin to share your inner glow.

Breathe.

Hold to truth and let it be known.

Breathe.

Presently present futures awaiting with numbers unforeseen but let it not impede or dissuade the changes faced.

Breathe.

You are alive.

Being A Man


I’ve heard it all before. The questions arising as if I’m seeking the answers once again. Before it all may sound confusing I’m talking about being a man. 

Some can ask me, “Did I really do it, crack the code?”. There isn’t a “code” to be cracked. The common issue I’ve come to realize that has plagued us men is that we have allowed the world to define who we are.

God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Gen. 1:27)

In Genesis, God reveals to us that He made man in his image. We’ve been allowed to embody the same characteristics of God; To feel, love, and etc. Some can argue and say we were not completely human as we ate from the tree, allowing us to know good and evil. Reality is, the dire consequence of that moment bred sin, evil into the world, our connection to walk with God lost, that is til Jesus. 

From as early as I can remember, I’ve been told that I wouldn’t be a man until x reasons. Until I was able to drive, drink, had sex, was 18, could vote, had a job, bought a car, bought a house, had a family, and etc. As I grew, I kept checking off the qualifications and always asked myself the simple question, am I a man? 

People can tell me that they know when, yet again, They hold to what someone defined for them. It isn’t like one day we wake up and say, “Hey, I’m no longer a boy!”. Puberty can hit us and still, people will say that girls mature faster. In my life I had to mature dramatically due to being homeless and the effects of my choices, the street life and etc. So then does all of that qualifies me as being a man? No. Does being 26 years old guarantee I’m a man? No.

Throughout my years I’ve seen that being a man can only truly be determined by 3 things. Who we are in Christ, who we are to ourselves, and to others.

Now some can debate and dismiss this notion that we are determined by who we are in Christ, I am Christian of course, so a non believer will simply say that their manhood is not defined by a fantasy. Yet to my point, Christ, who was a man that lived and breathed, historically was said to have lived a blameless, perfect life, so even if one does not believe in his divinity, can still come to the realization that he is the standard we are to meet. For those in the faith, Christ is not only the example we follow but also the God who shaped us in his image, to reflect who He is. 

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.” (Psalm 1:1-3)

Our hope is not only found in Christ but our manhood. Christ has foreseen who we are and has set us out to tend to His work, to obey and live the godly life.

“Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.” (Gen. 2:15)

When it comes to who we are to ourselves it is about learning self-love as well being honest with oneself. It is easy to try to go to the gym or even put in work for a new look, car, etc. But why do you do those things? Do we lie to ourselves to attain something and if so, would it truly benefit is or help inflate our ego? To know who we are is to learn to respect ourselves as much as others. Sex will not make you a man, No matter how many females you do it with. Being in a relationship or getting married won’t either. To learn your flaws, work on them and improve, this is what allows us to grow. We are not perfect and when we learn to accept who we are, what our limits are, and etc, we come closer to the truth.

Who we are to others also plays a key role in determining our manhood. Are you a husband who leads as well as being led? Are you a hard worker who puts in his full effort in all that you do. We have been throughout time seen as the “strong”, the courageous, as is spoken about in scripture to be that way. As well, We are not just told to be presented as warriors but also to be as kings, lovers, and teachers. We must love and respect others and be firm in truth and love. This is why men take to arms to protect peace or to liberate others, Why some truly serve others as well. Men or I should say a true man, understands that he is part of something more than himself and in knowing this, he works to help make it better or stronger. 

In today’s age we have instead allowed ourselves to a villian or act like a victim. Men are seen as weak when emotions are shown. In the race for equality between genders roles may have flipped, who brings the bread in, but don’t be discouraged and think it makes you less than a man. Take it from someone who has gone down the list, I didn’t really grasp the significance of what it meant being a man as well as trying to figure out what to do since I knew I was one. Boys eventually grow up and decisions will be made that will not only impact you but others, you must be ready for that. You will have sex and if not careful, you will have a child, you must understand the consequences and be able to handle them as they come. Being a man is being someone who acknowledges all of this and does not wait idly by. 

This post isn’t just to help those men who believe in the illusion the world has created for us. Wasn’t to help you fully grasp what being a man is either but a wake up call to help you reflect in who you are in Christ, yourself and others. What needs to change, why do you need to change? From man to man and to any women that read this and wish to pass it along to the men, by all means. This is Gee_ology signing out, be blessed all.

Acting Love

Let’s not throw dirt under the rug. Let’s put everything out there on the plate. It is better to be honest and lead by example than being seen as one who just talks the talk and even though you can’t physically see me, walk the walk.

I’m Christian, sorry to burst your bubble of you expected more or less. I honestly don’t have to apologize and I’m not going to “push” my beliefs on anyone. A lot of what I write will reflect my beliefs though.

Now, to the topic at hand. I’ve been busy from but for the most part, like I stated before, I’ve been reflecting my life. I can easily say that I’m Christian but the real question is, are my fruits beating the reality of what I claim to be?

Being a 26 year old male is not easy in this world. Guys are stereotyped and judges by our race or past. I’m Dominican and Chinese so I usually fall into the category of being a party animal, drunk, player/womanizer, or just reserved. Yet, I don’t fit into any of the occasional norms.

I’m still single since my last relationship which is coming to 2 years. I haven’t had sex in about that same allotted time and even though I’ve tried to be abstinent we all know as human beings, temptation can strike, like with pornography. I’m not a saint nor claim to be one. But I do know I rather not engage intimately with someone unless I’m in love and heading towards marriage. I honestly can’t do it anymore. The games or body hopping people do nowadays to what I used to do during my early years. I haven’t really had a huge body count (saying it creeps me out) but I do know I’ve only ever truly felt I was making love with one person out of the few. Let’s lay it out there, I’m a sex addict, an ex alcoholic, and unstable person who has the worst kind of OCD. As apart to most people with OCD, I have violent or sexual images pervade my mind along with the usual compulsive thoughts, cleanliness, ticks and etc.

Now, when I say unbalanced I mean I can jump from being eccentric to completely shutting down on you. My emotions will be almost non-existent and it honestly bothers me.

People think that as a Christian we are supposed to be these angelic people who are sin free now. Now, yes, Christ paid the penalty and the spirit is working within us to shape us in the image of Christ and we obey God; We also know that the flesh draws us to want to call prey to our desires.

I’ve reduced the amount of alcohol I consume to only special events and just enough to not allow myself to be tipsy. I’ve prayed and grown to see what affects my lust. I’ve also promised God I would be abstinent till marriage. Now I may be living what is perceived a celibate life now but I do so until I know I am ready to pursue or God allows me to see who he has prepared for me. At times we focus on waiting and not realizing God wants us to act and I intend to discern.

The reality is that the Christi an life is not easy. The world can influence us. The songs we listen to, shows we watch, people we are around. We can be a light in the darkness but remember with every storm the fire can be overcome if not covered sufficiently.

I advise all my brothers and sisters in the faith as well as myself, when I look back at this post. Trust in God. Be led in love and let love be your guide, to love is the greatest of gifts and the ultimate sacrifice, to love is to act and in the act We reveal who we are and meant to be. God bless you all. Gee_ology out.

Open Heart

​To love and be loved is truly the greatest reward.

I remember these words I write years ago. They now resonate within me and help me with my current transformation. I could feel it, another shift in my mental as I draw closer to God. 

My honesty and humbleness has now manifested beyond comprehension. I could feel the sense of truly wishing to help people but not just wishing but actually doing. I’ve also come to the realization of who I was. Before I knew who I was I would ignore the fact of the damage I had done. I would self loathe only to fall into depression. Yet, now, I wish to reveal who I truly am to others and noticing a vital problem. No one really knows me as I am now. 

I’ve hurt so many people in the past or had self interest that trust was lost. Even with this being said I also noticed how much time, distance truly separates people. I’ve been trying to connect with those I cared about and yet it seems to be difficult. It’s weird but I truly feel alone, though I have my family and few close friends. It’s like I’m reintroducing myself to most people. 

Remember the stories or the reputation I held? That was just a facade. It’s something I was told to do, create an identity to never truly be known. So you heard about the guy who was so quick to sleep around or out partying. Yet because of my past I learned to never embody myself to that which would distract my studies. Though I occasionally found myself under bottles or smoking to escape reality. Til I found that self control and being sober, facing my problems, brought me better benefits. 

I was a kid for the most part, thinking as a child and never understanding the world and how to embrace people. It was all about me. Yet God has been speaking to me. To follow him I must die daily. To love in such a way that nothing else will pour out from my heart. To be filled with his love that I seek no validation or pleasure from something else because he is enough. 

I can’t take back the words spoken or the actions but I can only be who he is making me to be. I don’t have to prove I’m changed. He tells me, Just love and be a light, an example. I will not be the same as before and to understand I am not of this world. Many who walk that path now that I used to be with can say I’ve grown “soft” but in reality I’ve grown strong. I invested too much on vain pursuits. 

I remember the nights wondering what was wrong with the world. We’ve become so cold as people. I would shut myself off and ignore everyone. Yet God stepped in. It was always my Father, showering me in his grace, always. For that I am beyond grateful. He continues to lead me away from that which is damaging to my being. Rest in me are the words written, cast all your anxieties on me… My identity is not found by what others say but in who I am in Christ. 

I’ve grown tired of these games I play with myself. One moment I’m happy and then I get triggered and fall to my own mental prison. I’m exhausted actually. Falling into the affairs of love in what the world declares it to be only to get hurt or hurt others. I’m more than that, I don’t believe in soulmates just in two people truly coming together and working through all odds, not in perfection but towards unity as a family and couple, loving beyond conditions, as intended. So I appear now as an old soul and I am not in a rush towards marriage as before. 

In essence, my heart is now open. Like if God was here with me performing open heart surgery and others can see my what lies in my heart. From the darkness of my past to who I am now. I am not my past. 

It’s funny actually, how I can discuss these things so openly now while years ago I would build walls and only those I let in would see beyond them. Or truly how a shift commenced by one person breaking through. 

My life is not my own. It is God’s, for him I live and breathe. I wish to share this love with others and the truth of who He is. I can’t explain it, I try to and yet it is beyond words. I know people will think it odd of me or even wonder what happened to Gee? I won’t keep explaining it, just grow with me. I’m sorry to all I’ve hurt and those who may not trust me now because of who I was, see me for who I am, now. 

I love you all, those that read my work, those that have seen my journey and walk with me. Life is truly amazing. And what I am trying to convey to all is that love truly is what life is about. Love with your all. Love at all times. Love and never give up on love, ever. Don’t be afraid to love and show your real emotions. Be blessed. This is Gee_ology aka Lucius, signing out.

You Are A Star

You may always stare at the mirror wondering what’s missing. If that certain someone will bring a deeper connection. But please listen, you are not a part, you are not missing something. You are royalty. If they cannot see your worth, it is not about proving it to them.

Continue to shine. There isn’t “the one”, a soulmate. Touch your skin, feel your heart beat, your heart is your own. What you share is who you are, time, and commitment. If you think you can find it in someone else you will be lost. Your identity is found at the source of truth and love. Fill yourself with this and watch as it shall overflow to others and attract like-minded people. You are a treasure.

Dear Future

Dear Future, I remember the nights where I dreamed that you would come, but I shall be present. I must work and pursue you, allowing my self to learn and grow from yesterday. Long nights of creating tales in which I could once again, feel an embrace that made me whole. Forgive me for allowing my passions and my being to be shared by another, though they taught me what true love must be. I now hold to my purity in loyal service and faith, til the day I know you. Know that though you may dream of one day finding ourselves, be patient and grow to the one I await to see. The heart breaks you have had, the lack of trust, I know I must reveal that I am not the same. I shall deem you not as perfection nor cling to your being. I want to grow with you so tomorrow may know of us. Broken people coming as one, though I know fate is of no concern. I believe not in love at first sight, nor soul mates. But I know if someone asked me, I would say you are the one. I may not see you now but I will hold you later. Recount the tales of how you awaited me. Show me the strength and allow me to be a part of your history. Time moving in motion and I shall keep in its steady stream, til death do us part. Carved on the tree of life our names shall be known. Even amidst the tragedies of the world we will grow. Let my eyes see you as you see me, noticing such imperfections but working to create a home. You are my love, forevermore, Sincerely Yours.

Hopeful Romantic

I love romance. I mean, truly, who would expect that? Yet those who truly got to see a part of me, saw me as A hopeless romantic. Yet what is it all about, what draws me to the stories, poetry, music and movies? The eyes bestowing the universe. The belief of an always and forever after. The butterflies that in turn reveal the garden. Our missing piece.

Yet now, my best friend noticed a switch. Tales of such marvels that held me, seem to be admired but not encompassing my being. I believe in love but one indwelling with sacrifice, choice, commitment. Not a sense of feelings where it all ends in tragedy. Not pleasure masked by urges that enslave us to lust or greed. And he spoke to me, reminding me not to be scared of love as my past revealed solitude or loss. Scarred by repeating interests of my own ego and issues I needed to fix.

Love is truly beautiful. A never ending hold that binds yet is not limited by pieces we call souls. Two coming as one to rejoice in imperfections and running to meet life’s end. Not established by “goals” or captivated by dreams, living in fantasy. So then to what position have I undertaken? The question asked with sincerity, yet my answer, my own. Let love be given and in return, I seek it not for my own intentions, let what is given be filled and in being loved, be my greatest reward.

Though I rest with a heart made anew let not my focus be in another, yet if they arrive may my past present that I shall uphold my truth for all tomorrows. A hopeful romantic.

Revealing Yourself Through Love

We long to be understood or interpreted the right way. Most of the time it is hard. We are stereotyped and categorized by experiences or even the culture. Take me for example, because of my past, people would assume I am the same, yet I’ve grown since those days. They assume they know me, based on what they hear, yet my life is a complex array of masks worn or tales told to keep people distant. Yet what I can honestly state now is if you would like to know me for who I truly am, ask now. There is a lot I kept hidden but I humbly ask for forgiveness to all my friends and family.

We hear about people being a type of way, a race being a type of way, and that keeps us from revealing who we are. So we look for memes, status’s, quotes, or anything that will allow us to share what is on our mind, in our hearts. My advice? Let it out, no matter what you think others will say about it, about you, let it out. I’m not saying let it go. We think we can just replace feelings or thoughts with nothingness, as if it never was. I keep saying it, it is okay to feel, it is okay to express yourself.

You are not what most people see you as. I’ve longed to understand this, to know myself and it took having everything I thought I knew, come crashing down. From believing I thought I knew love, to find true love. From seeing myself in my darkest of hours to see that there is truly light. And now, I try to share this with others, every chance I get. Please, understand this. Give people chances, not everyone is like your ex, that pervy person, the “lunatic”, the abusive parents, and believe it or not, people can change. But also be aware not to be taken for granted. You can change as well but so learn that you have value and a purpose as well.

We long to be understood, yet have grown so cold trying to understand others and instead we label them. Yes, I’m Christian, I know myself not to be perfect, my life is centered in and with God, but as well, I know myself to be a wretched mess born again by the grace of God.

Listen carefully, you are beautiful in your own way, you were made to shine. What you surround yourself with, ultimately shapes you. What you reveal in your actions, determines your heart choices. Words are wonderful and when given true meaning, can mark and imprint themselves in one’s soul. I generally speak or write in such a way to grab an audience, but listen, I’m speaking to you. Yes, you reading this now, you are loved, in knowing this, be filled with love and in turn, let it overflow. Let not this culture shape you into someone who loses their humanity. Be a light, reflect who you are and be understood. You can say you feel alone or you are better off alone, but trust me, it isn’t worth it. I’ve experienced a life where I was, or I should say, felt alone. I always considered myself the villian, only because everyone would eventually leave. But that was my narcissistic affect. I wanted the world to be centered around me, my ego, but that is not love, life.

To be understood is to be naked, to find those you can trust, share your gifts, talents, love without condition or selfish intentions. To be understood is to learn to be who you are and first come to understand who you are, through the darkness you have faced and the blessings you consider the “good”. You do not find happiness nor love, it is a choice, it requires action, sacrifice, and it is something you do everyday. I’m writing this now, in the early mornings because it is something I strongly feel the world needs to take in and learn. You are not alone, I am here, the voice to the voiceless. Observing the world around me and studying it but also helping others see what I’ve come to interpret as truth, I’m Gee_ology but also, I am Lucius, just a man, human, just like you. Be blessed.

Proving Love and Yourself

“I don’t have to prove anything”, I screamed it out. I turned to see my reflection. Eyes filled with tears. Reality hit me then and now. I do.

I was once a very strong believer of, you don’t have to prove yourself. You are always entitled to be yourself and expect people to accept you, if they didn’t, screw them. This notion, let’s just say it was roughly last week, shifted in my mind.

For those who don’t know how I am, a lot of my writing deals with things I’ve endured. Well, you could say all writers are like that, true enough. I’ve learned that no matter what I did, it was always for me. Having the wake up call to my narcissism, revealed my egocentric personality. Though I can no longer take back what I said, did, I now remain to be as humble, honest, and “real” as possible. I’ve learned the importance of others.

This all now comes flooding back to me, why do we believe ourselves to be the center of the universe. Everyone wants to be shown they are loved, are of value, and etc. We have become a culture where emotions or views have diminished. We want to be connected but are disconnected from one another. Emotions are just pixels on screens, emojis and snaps, filled by catchy words on the side. But does all of this prove who we are? What we love?

There was once a boy who loved this girlfriend so much, he would do anything for her, yet amidst it all, no matter what he did, it was not love. Just the opposite, one who did so little, but loved entirely. What am I getting at? Love is action, yet actions are not how much we can do but what has meaning behind it.

To love who you are, others, you prove it. You will be known by your “fruits”, faith without works, is dead. You see, we have been conditioned to accept a tolerant yet, unjustified stance. My opinions matter, who I am, you might, but I will pick which one I reveal to be true. This in itself, destroys any notion of love. Just like I stated, I wish I could have proved my love to someone, yet I did not know who I was not respect enough to pursue, I instead, hurt.

So I leave you with this, it is okay to prove who you are, prove love, show emotions, show your thoughts. But don’t let it cloud you in seeing that others deserve a place as well. Love others as yourself, if not greater, it does not diminish who you are but reveals that you value individuality, people. Be blessed all.

Steps to Love

Vibes.
Night Rides described by the light amongst the skies.
Eyes closed as if blind to side with time passing by.
Dreams.
Lucidly seeping to reams.
Bleeding on screens.
Escape.
Facing mistakes contemplated on stage.
Unlaced to strip tapes placed.
Freed.
Degrees decreed to feed seas need.
Oceans deep intertwined and described by filigree.
Living.
Given visions to listen within to the Spirit.
Singing revisions from the incisions precision upon the collisions division of my position.
Love.