Tag Archives: me

Geeology

I’m a glitch in the system.

Lo-fi vibes with art emanating from poetic diction.

Poetry in motion with flowing emotions.

Creating and bringing unparalleled vision, unseen, blurred in focus.

Allowing gravity to fall as I rest amongst stars, a quasar.

A quarter to find the existence of life beyond mars.

Wars faced, changing in the nick of time.

Lights from nights.

Fragmented mind in plights, restored sights.

An artist passing tests, the study of me, geeology.

Find Me

Find me in lone nights reciting sweet rhymes. Open heart in open mics. Catching tunes and views. chilling, maxing, relaxing all cool. Fresh sounds, jazzy beats, underground blues reaching pinnacles. Classical, spiritual vibes to invigorate my mental. Love lights in signs with time. Lines flowing in symmetry to intricate lives. Complexities treasured, measured beyond pictures. Scriptures played out in acts as poetry unfolds. Find me speaking my soul, spoken words. Elevated heights keeping me awake. Find me in the present, I am not my mistakes. Find the trail of crimson as these words are written. I am risen from the dead. Poetry in motion.

Revealing Yourself Through Love

We long to be understood or interpreted the right way. Most of the time it is hard. We are stereotyped and categorized by experiences or even the culture. Take me for example, because of my past, people would assume I am the same, yet I’ve grown since those days. They assume they know me, based on what they hear, yet my life is a complex array of masks worn or tales told to keep people distant. Yet what I can honestly state now is if you would like to know me for who I truly am, ask now. There is a lot I kept hidden but I humbly ask for forgiveness to all my friends and family.

We hear about people being a type of way, a race being a type of way, and that keeps us from revealing who we are. So we look for memes, status’s, quotes, or anything that will allow us to share what is on our mind, in our hearts. My advice? Let it out, no matter what you think others will say about it, about you, let it out. I’m not saying let it go. We think we can just replace feelings or thoughts with nothingness, as if it never was. I keep saying it, it is okay to feel, it is okay to express yourself.

You are not what most people see you as. I’ve longed to understand this, to know myself and it took having everything I thought I knew, come crashing down. From believing I thought I knew love, to find true love. From seeing myself in my darkest of hours to see that there is truly light. And now, I try to share this with others, every chance I get. Please, understand this. Give people chances, not everyone is like your ex, that pervy person, the “lunatic”, the abusive parents, and believe it or not, people can change. But also be aware not to be taken for granted. You can change as well but so learn that you have value and a purpose as well.

We long to be understood, yet have grown so cold trying to understand others and instead we label them. Yes, I’m Christian, I know myself not to be perfect, my life is centered in and with God, but as well, I know myself to be a wretched mess born again by the grace of God.

Listen carefully, you are beautiful in your own way, you were made to shine. What you surround yourself with, ultimately shapes you. What you reveal in your actions, determines your heart choices. Words are wonderful and when given true meaning, can mark and imprint themselves in one’s soul. I generally speak or write in such a way to grab an audience, but listen, I’m speaking to you. Yes, you reading this now, you are loved, in knowing this, be filled with love and in turn, let it overflow. Let not this culture shape you into someone who loses their humanity. Be a light, reflect who you are and be understood. You can say you feel alone or you are better off alone, but trust me, it isn’t worth it. I’ve experienced a life where I was, or I should say, felt alone. I always considered myself the villian, only because everyone would eventually leave. But that was my narcissistic affect. I wanted the world to be centered around me, my ego, but that is not love, life.

To be understood is to be naked, to find those you can trust, share your gifts, talents, love without condition or selfish intentions. To be understood is to learn to be who you are and first come to understand who you are, through the darkness you have faced and the blessings you consider the “good”. You do not find happiness nor love, it is a choice, it requires action, sacrifice, and it is something you do everyday. I’m writing this now, in the early mornings because it is something I strongly feel the world needs to take in and learn. You are not alone, I am here, the voice to the voiceless. Observing the world around me and studying it but also helping others see what I’ve come to interpret as truth, I’m Gee_ology but also, I am Lucius, just a man, human, just like you. Be blessed.

Limit Break

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Let’s clear the air. No, this isn’t a febreze commercial. I just wanted a catchy way to catch your attention. Here I am, 1 am, writing another post. Something clicked today as I was driving to work. Some notion that for the longest time since I started to reflect on my life and notice I was in fact a narcissist, have not surfaced. It goes like this, Am I truly who I should be?

Now, what is this nonsense all about, really? You would think with me being 25, I would know who I was or am. But to my reasoning and belief it wasn’t until key events or instances happened in my life that caused me to change. When I was about 7, my aunt died which showed me that life is precious. At the age of 10, my grandfather died which showed me to love others with all my heart. At the age of 15, I was homeless for awhile, which showed me to work hard and support those who truly stand beside you. At the age of 19, I noticed that every choice I make truly affects not only yourself but others so it is wise to really see the affect you have on others. At the age of 23, I learned that hard work does pay off and got my house, being a manager at my job. At the age of 25, I learned what true love is and in the same manner, what losing that felt like which unlocked the notion of which I speak about now.

I learned something or was revealed something during each event. People would say those were all mostly bad events, but for me, it was a way for me to get back up and become someone better, stronger. I was being tested by the fire and no matter what, I didn’t give up. Now this notion is simple, it was like a mirror stepped in front of me and I saw who I was at that moment. Never truly liking or loving who I was because of my past, I knew some things had to change, not just my physical but also who I was inside, my mental. I started to cut some people off, surrounding myself with like minded people. I promised myself I would cut off from drinking obsessively, to mask my pain, and even smoking weed. I began to control my body and my mind. Now understanding things in my life and why certain occurrences occurred, I was seeing myself change, or be changed. I did follow God closely, the years I walked in the desert, I began to go back to the well and drink from his cup. It was like a switch, flipped in my mind and I knew things were never going to be the same.

Now, for the most part, I do truly consider myself different. This isn’t my narcissist nature trying to take over again, this is me. I was the odd one always, the crazy guy, believing in “theories” or conspiracies, yet for me, it was always a pursuit of truth or going after what humanity has lost, its purpose or their nature.

So here I am now, coming to the purpose of this post, what triggered this sudden altering state of mind once again and what will commence from it? Simple. I was sitting, driving to work. Because of recent events, I started to feel an anger inside of me starting to rise. Like I said, I’ve always felt different or misunderstand. Not because of my OCD, my personality, but who I am as a whole. I was a broken mess, placed together and I still wanted to know how I could function after my history. I started to see a trend in things that limit people. They are reduced to jobs they don’t like or do things because they are slotted, sorted, categorized in such a way to limit them. Like I said, I was driving to work. Working a job I am not truly fond of, in a schedule or setting that doesn’t really call to me. I want to see change in the world and I am not one to sit idly by. I keep hearing noises from people or empty words and so I have allowed myself to be a voice. During my heart break, I let my passion take over and began to write for a purpose, to be a voice. I see it all now, I want to seriously do this, to write, to spend these long hours, compiling words and truly letting my heart bleed on paper or on a screen and to let the worlds within me come to life. I don’t care how hard the journey will be or how long, I won’t stop.

I don’t won’t to be limited. I keep hearing things like you can’t do this, you won’t be able to do that, and no one gives me the reasons why. I keep hearing people telling me I can’t talk about true love, because I’m not with someone or because my past relationships failed, I’m not married. How I can’t speak about my beliefs because we have established a relative outlook on life, where feelings or opinions supersede actual truth. I work these long hours in a system that I consider corrupt, only to reach a point in my life where my goal is to “retire”, spending meaningless hours on a sort of vacation while the world starves and is in need of my abilities or gifts. I keep hearing or reading about how I should be , based on the stars, my horoscope, my date of birth, numerology and etc. I keep hearing that because of my history or race, I should be a type of way. Because I have depressions, anxiety, OCD, am an introverted-extrovert(ambivert) I should be a type of way or I can’t do things. Yet look at me now, I am doing things.

NO! I’m tired of hearing so much limitations, I was made for more. I stayed quiet for most of my life and I truly want change. I will be up long hours, writing. I will go out on stages or streets, teaching people. I embrace who I am and what I was made to do. I know I have been called to teach people, to preach God’s word for the most part, but as well, I have been given this gift, to bring words together. I wonder at times if they are read, though I know that even if one person reads it and feels it, that is enough for me. So as I bring this to a close I ask what I asked before when I first started this blog, what is your life like? Are you happy with how you are? To live is to love and to love is a choice of ultimate sacrifice, what or how shall you live? Break down the walls of doubt, insecurity, “disorders” and start to make a change. Be a light. Love with all your heart. Be happy, for happiness cannot be found it is a state of being. Bad things do happen in this life but as they say, “Fall seven times, get up eight.”. Be blessed all.

Why I Believe

​The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being,sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins,he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven. (Hebrews 1:3) 

From the days of old we have always asked ourselves who is Jesus. Many claim to believe and either even follow him, from historians to scholars, to his believers. History reveals his existence apart from the scriptural texts of the bible, from pliny the young to Tacitus, Josephus, and etc. In scripture, he is described as the lord and saviour (2 Peter 3:18). As a professing Christian, I believe Christ is not only Lord but God. 

Now to say Jesus is God is a bold statement. John 1:1 states, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”. Jesus himself expressed the Father and him were one, (John 10:30), They are divine in nature. Now to understand the Christian belief, we believe in the trinity. You have God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. Three distinct yet they are the true God, each with their own task and economic/relational subordination. Christianity does not submit or believe in three Gods, we believe in one. 

To understand what I believe or what others believe within the faith, we have to understand who Jesus is and why we follow his teachings. He is the son of God the Father, the way, truth, and life. Now you can say, originally we were considered Jews, but upon Jesus coming to fulfill the law, we are no longer under it but it does not mean we ignore it. We are called Christians because we follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. He taught us to love God and love our neighbors. Through him and because of his sacrifice, by placing faith in him, we are saved from our wickedness and sin. For the first Adam passed sin and it is rooted in our hearts, the second Adam(Jesus) is our salvation. 

The truth is, Christianity is not a perfect religion, it is a relationship between God and man. True faith is followed by obedience and hence why we as believers follow the example of the Christ. Yet though faith without works is dead, we know that we are saved by believing not by being righteous by being “good” ourselves or what we do. We can do nothing apart from God that will be righteous. We are not perfect and should never claim to be and if we are to boast, we boast only in what God is doing within us (1 Cor. 1:31). The truth is we are all sinners, we are called to repent and turn to God. For we die to our old ways, allowing the Holy Spirit to shape and transform us. We should love our brothers and sisters and shape the world. We are truly not made to live a “happy” life per say or in prosperity, but we find peace in God. For the world rejects us for it rejected him first (John 15:18). Christianity isn’t an easy way out or the Christian life isn’t “easy”, it’s hard. As well as honestly saying not all who claim they are Christian, are Christian. For we shall see what one truly believes by the fruits they bear (Matthew 7:16). 

You can say I wanted to write this to show a distinction to those who wonder why I am so passionate in my beliefs. I was once an athiest, I then turned to theism in the sense of the occult, Jewish mysticism(kabbalah), to thelema and magick, til I fully invested my time and energy to seeking the truth which I found in Jesus. I can say I don’t like titles but Christian is what I am, I am a child, servant, and priest of the most high God. I am sinner yet I’ve been made righteous by the blood shed when Jesus died on the tree, yet his resurrection not only shows his power over death but shows he is and gives life so that all who believe shall find salvation. (Romans 3:1-23) For a just God will rightly judge and a punishment is made, which is hell (rev. 20:14-15).

I am not here to convince you Christianity is real, I am here to share the Good News, the Gospel, and live a life reflecting Jesus, sharing love, seeking truth and serve God/people with the gifts he has given me. My past was not the best, even now I may struggle at times, I am not rich, but I do my best and ultimately try to reveal who he is so that others may see his light. This is why I write, why I believe. Be blessed.

I love…Me


“Nobody loves me.”
“I will forever be alone.”

“I’m too difficult.”

“I’m just not ready.”

Let’s be honest, we’ve all at one time in our lives have stated those words above. It’s funny how life really likes throwing curve balls or even God when we least expect it. We are so quick, those who are single, to say these things. Even amongst those who are in a relationship, they believed life was unfair. In this day and age, we are surrounded by a twisted sense of love.

We are told time and time again that to be complete we have to find out “one”. This is in itself wrong and damages oneself. We even develop a sense of what should be. Look at any magazine or “help” books: top ten ways you’ll know it’s a healthy relationship, is he Mr. Right, will she satisfy you, and etc the list goes on. Songs talk about how love is now a game, sex the drive, and not feeling alone is the motivation. Is it right?

Now I know, who am I to talk, I’m single, but bare with me. I’m not going to show you how love should be or even how to keep a relationship happy so to speak. Those aspects have to be experienced and even the supposed greatest “teachers” of love are only teaching you mind games or ways to manipulate people. The truth is love is unconditional and comes with sacrifices, devotions, time, trust, respect and empathy. But even before any good relationship is established you must first learn to love…yourself.

Yes, love yourself. It is easier said than done to say all this. It took a break up from my first true love to understand this. The honest truth is, you will never be completed by someone else. You must discover who you are and what you are capable of. When you are at peace with yourself then you not only grow as a person but someone else will help you grow. Many times there is one person who clings to an idea of love or even to a person and it disrupts the whole relationship. You can’t lose yourself in someone, nor will the world end if that person was to leave you, though it will hurt.

What I am trying to convey is this, learn to see that person in the mirror and truly love them. People ask me why am I suddenly doing these huge life changes, was it because of the break up? No, I just learned and discovered who I truly am, in doing so, nothing is holding me back. I am genuinely happy, I have placed my life in God’s hand and sure I can feel a type of way, be “in love”, but that will not change who I am unless it is to improve. When you acknowledge this, see your value as an individual you will truly see who truly is there and cares for you. Those who truly love you, love you for you, no one should change for someone unless it is to better themselves and not for the person. So I’ll leave you all with this, learn to love who you are, I may speak about it a lot, but it’s a way to motivate a revolution in one’s heart. You are change and once you notice this, the world around you changes with you. Be blessed.

Does it all count?

7 words, 1000, 70,000. What is the value behind it all? I’m hoping you are getting a clear picture of what I am trying to write. Something sparked within from a comment someone wrote on one of my articles. They said that it was lengthy, took time to read. This got me into my smiling and happy state of mind, a child excited during Christmas.

 I have always been told during my texting frenzy that I write chapters and books. It all makes me laugh actually. I love writing, there is no reason to hide it and yes I understand it is better, especially in this day and age, to get to the “point”. But something I’ve always learned writing is this, it doesn’t matter if it’s 1 word to 100, all that matters is that the message or the intention for writing was conveyed, not lost, contains value, and the reader truly feels it or connects. A simple I love you even or I’m sorry for example.

There may be some who prefer to get in depth or even just write a smaller amount. Don’t diminish your writing for anyone, continue to write and if you do edit your work and see you can shorten than do so and vice versa. I’ve read books that were 5 pages that affected me more than a book with 200 pages and etc. Words touch us if they are properly placed and followed by the message and emotions of the author/writer. Be blessed, write on.