Tag Archives: truth

Proving Love and Yourself

“I don’t have to prove anything”, I screamed it out. I turned to see my reflection. Eyes filled with tears. Reality hit me then and now. I do.

I was once a very strong believer of, you don’t have to prove yourself. You are always entitled to be yourself and expect people to accept you, if they didn’t, screw them. This notion, let’s just say it was roughly last week, shifted in my mind.

For those who don’t know how I am, a lot of my writing deals with things I’ve endured. Well, you could say all writers are like that, true enough. I’ve learned that no matter what I did, it was always for me. Having the wake up call to my narcissism, revealed my egocentric personality. Though I can no longer take back what I said, did, I now remain to be as humble, honest, and “real” as possible. I’ve learned the importance of others.

This all now comes flooding back to me, why do we believe ourselves to be the center of the universe. Everyone wants to be shown they are loved, are of value, and etc. We have become a culture where emotions or views have diminished. We want to be connected but are disconnected from one another. Emotions are just pixels on screens, emojis and snaps, filled by catchy words on the side. But does all of this prove who we are? What we love?

There was once a boy who loved this girlfriend so much, he would do anything for her, yet amidst it all, no matter what he did, it was not love. Just the opposite, one who did so little, but loved entirely. What am I getting at? Love is action, yet actions are not how much we can do but what has meaning behind it.

To love who you are, others, you prove it. You will be known by your “fruits”, faith without works, is dead. You see, we have been conditioned to accept a tolerant yet, unjustified stance. My opinions matter, who I am, you might, but I will pick which one I reveal to be true. This in itself, destroys any notion of love. Just like I stated, I wish I could have proved my love to someone, yet I did not know who I was not respect enough to pursue, I instead, hurt.

So I leave you with this, it is okay to prove who you are, prove love, show emotions, show your thoughts. But don’t let it cloud you in seeing that others deserve a place as well. Love others as yourself, if not greater, it does not diminish who you are but reveals that you value individuality, people. Be blessed all.

Progressive Education

You dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a f**in’ education you coulda got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library. – Will, Good Will Hunting

Sorry, sir, You don’t have proper schooling, you don’t have a degree. A common trend I’ve seen a lot of in the states. I’ve seen people boast about their degrees or titles. Nowadays, looking at education, talking to kids, it’s amazing how things are turning out. We are being conditioned to a system that truly just teaches to memorize and what we learn, not applied.

I watched good will hunting the other day and it had me stop and think. For the most part, I could associate myself with Will. He is considered a genius, self taught and a nact for excelling. For me, school was always easy, boring but easy so I hardly tried or cared for. After I graduated high school, I found myself deleting information and relearning various subjects. I found myself researching and reading everything/anything that I was curious about. And the more I did, the less I cared about college.

Like I’ve stated, people like boasting at times they went to school, only to end up working a job they don’t want or love, only “need” it, to survive. I’ve seen people going to a trade school or skipping it altogether and finding ways to make more than someone with a degree. What people need to realize is that intelligence is not determined by an iq test, degree, and etc. Question what you’re taught and do your own research as well.

Now sure, I might be going for a degree in biblical studies but do I really need that? Paul and the other apostles read the word and allowed the spirit to impart wisdom onto them. They didn’t go to seminary. Yet what I see even in the church is a sense of entitlement. I can’t preach because I’m not a leader or pastor? I can’t discuss matters because I don’t hold a degree? Now sure, some qualifications may precede, be ordained, studied materials and subjects. I’m not saying all of it is worthless or a waste. When done properly and applied, education is shown to create progress and change. It’s the mindset.

When I first came to the realization that I’m a writer, a constant thought plagued me. I thought, “I have no creative writing experience, my grammar is iffy, and my punctuation isn’t the best. A year later, here I am. I would read about writers who just decided to write, they didn’t major in English. They inspired me to keep going, to not be restricted by how I should word something but to truly reveal the message carved in my heart. Just the same, I stand in between people and preach, being self taught. Like I stated, whatever I didn’t know how to do, I learned. I would spend hours looking and learning til I understood something.

We’ve lost the drive as people. I hear people nowadays just say, I can’t wait to finish school, get a job, maybe get married, then hopefully retire. It is as if we have taken it as a chore, spending 12-20 years of our lives just to say we did it and go to a 9 to 5, til we can vacation. Instead of going with a mindset of what can I learn so that I may apply it and change the world. Where have our dreams gone to? Some people say we simply woke up, but I say, you’ve merely become distracted by the fantasy.

This isn’t supposed to make you feel good, it is a matter of conviction. What are you really doing with your life? Are you waiting for those 30 years to end and then just let it be tossed away, or are going to continue to move forward, help bring change? Are you going to spend thousands on something you could learn and may need to invest in that company, future? These are questions we must answer. I’m not saying college, universities, are bad. What I’m conveying is, is it going to define who you are, what you do, or will you simply hide behind it and later in life let it fade, only leaving a dent in your life. It’s okay to have goals, dreams, proper education, but let it create a better you, progression, and never forsaking the potential within you.

Limit Break

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Let’s clear the air. No, this isn’t a febreze commercial. I just wanted a catchy way to catch your attention. Here I am, 1 am, writing another post. Something clicked today as I was driving to work. Some notion that for the longest time since I started to reflect on my life and notice I was in fact a narcissist, have not surfaced. It goes like this, Am I truly who I should be?

Now, what is this nonsense all about, really? You would think with me being 25, I would know who I was or am. But to my reasoning and belief it wasn’t until key events or instances happened in my life that caused me to change. When I was about 7, my aunt died which showed me that life is precious. At the age of 10, my grandfather died which showed me to love others with all my heart. At the age of 15, I was homeless for awhile, which showed me to work hard and support those who truly stand beside you. At the age of 19, I noticed that every choice I make truly affects not only yourself but others so it is wise to really see the affect you have on others. At the age of 23, I learned that hard work does pay off and got my house, being a manager at my job. At the age of 25, I learned what true love is and in the same manner, what losing that felt like which unlocked the notion of which I speak about now.

I learned something or was revealed something during each event. People would say those were all mostly bad events, but for me, it was a way for me to get back up and become someone better, stronger. I was being tested by the fire and no matter what, I didn’t give up. Now this notion is simple, it was like a mirror stepped in front of me and I saw who I was at that moment. Never truly liking or loving who I was because of my past, I knew some things had to change, not just my physical but also who I was inside, my mental. I started to cut some people off, surrounding myself with like minded people. I promised myself I would cut off from drinking obsessively, to mask my pain, and even smoking weed. I began to control my body and my mind. Now understanding things in my life and why certain occurrences occurred, I was seeing myself change, or be changed. I did follow God closely, the years I walked in the desert, I began to go back to the well and drink from his cup. It was like a switch, flipped in my mind and I knew things were never going to be the same.

Now, for the most part, I do truly consider myself different. This isn’t my narcissist nature trying to take over again, this is me. I was the odd one always, the crazy guy, believing in “theories” or conspiracies, yet for me, it was always a pursuit of truth or going after what humanity has lost, its purpose or their nature.

So here I am now, coming to the purpose of this post, what triggered this sudden altering state of mind once again and what will commence from it? Simple. I was sitting, driving to work. Because of recent events, I started to feel an anger inside of me starting to rise. Like I said, I’ve always felt different or misunderstand. Not because of my OCD, my personality, but who I am as a whole. I was a broken mess, placed together and I still wanted to know how I could function after my history. I started to see a trend in things that limit people. They are reduced to jobs they don’t like or do things because they are slotted, sorted, categorized in such a way to limit them. Like I said, I was driving to work. Working a job I am not truly fond of, in a schedule or setting that doesn’t really call to me. I want to see change in the world and I am not one to sit idly by. I keep hearing noises from people or empty words and so I have allowed myself to be a voice. During my heart break, I let my passion take over and began to write for a purpose, to be a voice. I see it all now, I want to seriously do this, to write, to spend these long hours, compiling words and truly letting my heart bleed on paper or on a screen and to let the worlds within me come to life. I don’t care how hard the journey will be or how long, I won’t stop.

I don’t won’t to be limited. I keep hearing things like you can’t do this, you won’t be able to do that, and no one gives me the reasons why. I keep hearing people telling me I can’t talk about true love, because I’m not with someone or because my past relationships failed, I’m not married. How I can’t speak about my beliefs because we have established a relative outlook on life, where feelings or opinions supersede actual truth. I work these long hours in a system that I consider corrupt, only to reach a point in my life where my goal is to “retire”, spending meaningless hours on a sort of vacation while the world starves and is in need of my abilities or gifts. I keep hearing or reading about how I should be , based on the stars, my horoscope, my date of birth, numerology and etc. I keep hearing that because of my history or race, I should be a type of way. Because I have depressions, anxiety, OCD, am an introverted-extrovert(ambivert) I should be a type of way or I can’t do things. Yet look at me now, I am doing things.

NO! I’m tired of hearing so much limitations, I was made for more. I stayed quiet for most of my life and I truly want change. I will be up long hours, writing. I will go out on stages or streets, teaching people. I embrace who I am and what I was made to do. I know I have been called to teach people, to preach God’s word for the most part, but as well, I have been given this gift, to bring words together. I wonder at times if they are read, though I know that even if one person reads it and feels it, that is enough for me. So as I bring this to a close I ask what I asked before when I first started this blog, what is your life like? Are you happy with how you are? To live is to love and to love is a choice of ultimate sacrifice, what or how shall you live? Break down the walls of doubt, insecurity, “disorders” and start to make a change. Be a light. Love with all your heart. Be happy, for happiness cannot be found it is a state of being. Bad things do happen in this life but as they say, “Fall seven times, get up eight.”. Be blessed all.

I Am But A Man

Many people ask, “why should I care about all this ‘conspiracy’ or ‘truth’, if it doesn’t affect me it doesn’t matter?”. *takes a deep breath* How dare you? Doesn’t affect you? Really? Let me remove the gloves and take off my smile. This affects ALL of us. Since the days of Nimrod and his rise to power, to the belief man was a God, to the origins of most religion, to the worship of the sun God, the one who brought fire, not a delusion of Jesus but of Lucifer(Satan) taking his throne on this earth, Babylon, to the new Babylon taking form. There’s a class of people who deem themselves the elite and worship this deity. They have, for years, manipulated our culture, education, way of life to complete their agenda. It isn’t about ignoring it anymore, just doing so proves they have already brainwashed you. Saying it doesn’t affect you reveals an even greater sense of ignorance I’ve ever heard. Also displaying the side you have chosen, to do nothing implies a sign of conformity and surrender. 

The truth ive come to realize is people honestly don’t want to wake up from their fantasy. They are comfortable, as the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah ran rampant in their wickedness so shall we, believing there is no judgment, that our future generations will not pay the consequences of the world we are shaping for them. What has happened, O you people who marvel and bow before our own creations or place others as idols, though filled with imperfection? Why do we continue to live as mere fools upon the wake of our race decaying? It is not an egocentric act we speak boldly about the things that have transpired or will transpire, it is out of love and love. We risk our lives sharing this information, men, women, have died to spread it. This isn’t a jokibg matter anymore or something we can switch off. The system is taking back its rights to enslave. 

We are systemically being programmed to obey. I speak this from the heart, I’ve been in the other side, I only glimpsed the plans and seen passed the veil. There really isn’t a marvelous array of colors at the end of a rainbow in this world, this is a war, not of the physical kind. We waste away our lives as mere cattle and have lost the value of life, of people. We have gone wrong when we began to value ourselves superior than our neighbors instead of out of respect as a family.

 This can seem like a long rant and I can have people mad, but honestly, WAKE UP! This isn’t a movie, people are dying, lies are being accepted as truth, immorality is becoming the norm. We are at a crisis. It can seem all fun and games, share photos, like or double click pictures but where is the changed hearts, where are the people changing the world. And sure the question can be asked, “what are you doing?”, I’m speaking and opening the mind of people. I’m one of those people who spend countless hours researching, losing sleep, I was one of those who practiced magick, talked to demons, spent my time in the debauchery of this world, and for what? My own gain or pleasure? After a few hours I still felt like crap, nothing changed. I was that guy who liked to manipulate girls, for what? A passing of time with no real commitment to comfort my own brokenness? Life is an amazing thing, truly a gift, and we are allowing it to be robbed, shaped, and given a poor substitute. Love is another subject in the wicked experiment. To truly know love and be loved, it is beyond words. To be able to look at someone and be completely naked in mind, soul, body….to look in her eyes and say…you are as broken as I am but I want us to build a future together as we gather our pieces in a strong foundation. 

Call me radical if you will, a hypocrite, though I claim not perfection or superiority by the truth I speak or wisdom It may appear I have. I AM BUT A MAN.  Flesh and blood just like you. I fail and stumble, I bleed, I cry, I get angry, and I face the same temptations. Ive hurt people before and I am sorry about that, truly I am, but I do not regret the choices I’ve made now though at times I wish I could hug one more time, see someone one more time, even kiss. I AM BUT A MAN. We have to wake up, it’s not too late, the state we are in. We can turn back from all this. Through all my experiences I’ve found God to be the answer, to change me. I’ve said it many times, I cannot conform, I will not, and as the darkness stretches over the Earth and those who follow truth shall be persecuted, I will preach truth to my brothers and sisters, til my dying breath, even if I’m ignored. These things that are happening have been foretold and foreseen by people who have awakened to the reality. It is shocking to see people and how they live their lives and yet I cannot say nothing because it is my opinion? Though it all affects us in a grand scheme? Really? We need to get off our high horse and come to understand who we are, what we are going to do, and what can we do as people. This is all I have to get off my chest for now. It can seem like I am a broken record but until the message digs deep and one comes to understand it, it will never stop. I can always talk about cute, love, inspiring articles or words but also the truth needs to be shared and one shaken to the reality we are facing. I can even go into an even broader study but that in itself would be too long. One cannot change the mind of people, they have to do that themselves when they begin to see the light amidst the darkness.

My Pursuit of Truth

I’ve heard a common misconception about me. Some may claim I’m very opinionated, now let me be clear about this. I know fully well the difference between the truth and an opinion. If I were to refer to my opinion on matters, I would clearly say it. Otherwise I would always reference what I am conveying. Such it is with people who disregard what I say as rubbish or ignorance because I am a Christian.
I can introduce what matters and say I believe in God and absolute truth. People can say no and say their is no God but that in itself is an act of faith and how one rules it “relative” truth which is in fact an opinion. To claim there is not, implies your statement or belief is absolute which contradicts the notion of relativism. Then again it means you hold the “truth” but can be seen as an opinion. Truth in itself is absolute or plainly validate by proof. 1+1=2. Earth is round. One can try to use the elephant theory of the blind men but then again it is an elephant. Your view is impaired because one cannot get a clear picture of it unless studied from all angles.
Just the same people think I do not uphold to scientific laws or say things like Jesus never existed, bible is man made etc. To be honest, I do believe in science, in the sense of how we came to be, I’m not 100% certain, God could just have created the world in a day or 6, or taken years to make as scripture says one day is like a thousand years. Jesus not existing is ludicrous because even external sources reveal his existence. Bible being man made, in part yes it was compiled by man but as well they are historical accounts as well as revalations given to man and it took years of precise investigation to come together. The early christians didnt just say put everything into one and see here is the bible, everything was looked into to match the original writings and to never contradict the prophets words which came from God. Now to say it is a myth of it all and we can’t believe it means we cannot excuse our own teachings. Man is without error in the search of knowledge, we change our books every few years with the more evidence we find. And though I can defend and reveal how the bible is historically sound or how it may reveal even science in it’s texts will not amount to anything unless one believes as well in the end. It all amounts to change of heart and faith.
I search for truth always and I do so being a Christian, from someone who was an athiest, to following jewish mysticism, Buddhism, occult, magick, to religion, to Christianity for I do not see it as religion. I always try to encourage and motivate people to search for truth on their own. But as well though it may seem like I push my beliefs, on the contrary, I’m doing what is told of me by God, to share the truth I have been revealed regardless of the consequences. My beliefs are my own, I follow truth and I will respect people as a whole, sharing in love what I know.

The Race for Humanity

Let us run this race, the race that shall leave behind history. From someone who belongs to a Hispanic family I always saw the kind of hate or struggle my parents had to endure because of their background. I also see the hostility and racial tensions going on right now. Though I personally am not black, most of my family are Dominican and darker skinned, heck, my grandfather and uncle are as black as the night. Yet what I am trying to convey is this, we are so quick to talk about these issues and protest yet we are breeding more hate. 

The “white” man is not responsible, we are. We have allowed our culture or society to rebel from love and in turn, turn to hate. We differentiate based on color nowadays. Those claiming they are not racist yet still don’t want to associate with people based on race or beliefs. We have even turned such subjects into jokes. We are conditioned day in and out. Even enticed to act out all for an agenda. Have we forgotten our struggles or even past. Sometimes we forget the African kings sold their own people into slavery. Sometimes we forget we enjoy what one race brings or produces more than our own. 

The truth is, yes slavery has always been wrong amongst people, we were truly created to be as equals yet unique in our own ways, each forming a collective we call humanity. I’m tired of hearing someone can’t hear a type of music cause they are not “black” or even cause they aren’t white. Just stop. All this division is pointless, we should celebrate in our differences and grow as a people. 

My background is rich like I’ve said before. I am dominican, chinese, yet I was born here in the U.S. and though I may appear “white” I am a person. Take away my skin and I have the same biological system as everyone else. I don’t treat myself as superior, why? I’ve learned to love all, to value life. I feel it is ignorance to separate “colors”, it seems the world is always stereotyping though, not acknowledging the beauty it is to be a type of way because of our culture. 
From birth we see it within children we are not born to hate but love. The reality is we are influenced by what we see, hear, and raised. We need to change, all of us. Because in truth we are now all under slavery, slaves to our pride, ignorance, and past mistakes. Let us not forget our history but start a new legacy, led by truth and love. If we continue we will not only be at war with ourselves but ultimately lose sight of what makes us human. Let us all run this race, for life may seem short but we ultimately can decide if we shall change course and head for victory.